It was supposed to be her introduction to the world as the next head of the Crocker cooking empire. The Jane Crocker Cooking Hour, shot from a carefully secured bunker to ensure that no assassin could snatch up the chance to kill the Crocker heir on live TV, during which she'd prove her gumption by walking through world through all the steps in making a delicious meal, topped off with a sumptuous cake with a Crocker-brand box mix as the base its recipe was built from. She was ready and she knew it, as long as her viewers correctly followed her instructions they'd end up with dishes that would prove with the first nibble that she had what it took to take over.
Unfortunately, instead of just trusting in that certainty that everything would turn out well she'd decided that she wanted a little moral support. Even more unfortunately, after choosing Roxy to bring to the studio with her she hadn't thought to remove the cooking sherry, or wine, or rum extract from the kitchen. They were hardly ten minutes into filming before Jane realized her mistake when Roxy began drunkenly caterwauling in a voice that couldn't be considered music to anyone's ear.
Jane steeled herself and continued on, even as Roxy sang along with everything she did. She managed to hardly falter in completing her appetizers, even when she'd needed to quickly move her cutting board and ingredients to the counter beside the stove because Roxy had decided to jump on the table she'd been using to prep her ingredients and do a solo can-can, and stalwartly moved onto her first side dish.
"If you can, try to get really fresh sugar snap peas," she said, keeping her voice just as bright and friendly as it had been to start with, though her face was starting to ache with the strain of keeping a bright smile on it in the circumstances. She wished that she could make a quick dash for her disguise kit; if she could just dig out a mustache shaggy enough to cover her lips then nobody would ever know if she let the smile drop. "That crispness adds a great texture to the dish that you lose out on if they've gone limp, and besides they hardly deserve to be called snap peas if they don't do this!" She raised a pea close enough to her mic for the audience to pick up the sound when she broke it in half, snap!
"Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan you taste the love tonight?" Roxy wailed behind her, only just too late to cover the sound of Jane's pea. "The peas the side dish brings?"
Jane really honestly was trying to keep her attention on the show and not engage Roxy in her tomfoolery, but... "That one's not even from a real musical, Roxy, it's from a cartoon." And it was, she supposed, a very good thing that the company had bought out Disney decades back in order to, if Roxy and Dirk were to be believed, effectively spread their subliminal messages to children at an earlier age. Otherwise The House of the Mouse would probably already be preparing lawyers to dump on their doorstep for using the song without paying royalties on it, even with the lyrics mangled.
"Jaaaaaney," Roxy cooed, which at least meant that for one moment she wasn't singing. "Janey, can't you taste the love? I can taste it, Janey."
"Does it taste like rum extract? Because I already told you that really isn't for drinking, Ro--"
And she'd obviously gotten too used to Roxy drunkenly hanging all over her in private, whatever sense of personal space she'd ever had vanishing with each drink she consumed, or she would have had the sense to back away when Roxy suddenly stumbled towards her, or maybe it was her attempt at a lunge, and suddenly shoved her tongue in Jane's mouth.
Oh dear, Jane thought. If the show was going to turn into The Crocker Heir unexpectedly coming out live on national television she wished it could have at least happened with a good kiss instead of the sloppy licky mess which was the best Roxy could currently manage. "Taste the love," she slurred again before bursting into song once more, "On her shooooow, preparing her snap side peas--"
And this time Jane was the one doing the cutting off, covering Roxy's mouth with her hand and keeping it there even when Roxy oh-so-maturely chose to react by licking her palm. "Hey, not that one," she said, trying to keep her voice low enough to be private even if she wasn't sure that was actually possible while wearing a body mic. "If you're going to keep using my show as an excuse to keep mangling showtunes, at least don't pick ones which are unrequited." Then she turned back to the camera, her Company Heir smile firmly in place, and added for the sake of the audience, "And I hope that all our viewers at home are learning an important lesson about not drinking things that are meant for cooking!"
FILL: TEAM Aradia<3Equius
Unfortunately, instead of just trusting in that certainty that everything would turn out well she'd decided that she wanted a little moral support. Even more unfortunately, after choosing Roxy to bring to the studio with her she hadn't thought to remove the cooking sherry, or wine, or rum extract from the kitchen. They were hardly ten minutes into filming before Jane realized her mistake when Roxy began drunkenly caterwauling in a voice that couldn't be considered music to anyone's ear.
Jane steeled herself and continued on, even as Roxy sang along with everything she did. She managed to hardly falter in completing her appetizers, even when she'd needed to quickly move her cutting board and ingredients to the counter beside the stove because Roxy had decided to jump on the table she'd been using to prep her ingredients and do a solo can-can, and stalwartly moved onto her first side dish.
"If you can, try to get really fresh sugar snap peas," she said, keeping her voice just as bright and friendly as it had been to start with, though her face was starting to ache with the strain of keeping a bright smile on it in the circumstances. She wished that she could make a quick dash for her disguise kit; if she could just dig out a mustache shaggy enough to cover her lips then nobody would ever know if she let the smile drop. "That crispness adds a great texture to the dish that you lose out on if they've gone limp, and besides they hardly deserve to be called snap peas if they don't do this!" She raised a pea close enough to her mic for the audience to pick up the sound when she broke it in half, snap!
"Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan you taste the love tonight?" Roxy wailed behind her, only just too late to cover the sound of Jane's pea. "The peas the side dish brings?"
Jane really honestly was trying to keep her attention on the show and not engage Roxy in her tomfoolery, but... "That one's not even from a real musical, Roxy, it's from a cartoon." And it was, she supposed, a very good thing that the company had bought out Disney decades back in order to, if Roxy and Dirk were to be believed, effectively spread their subliminal messages to children at an earlier age. Otherwise The House of the Mouse would probably already be preparing lawyers to dump on their doorstep for using the song without paying royalties on it, even with the lyrics mangled.
"Jaaaaaney," Roxy cooed, which at least meant that for one moment she wasn't singing. "Janey, can't you taste the love? I can taste it, Janey."
"Does it taste like rum extract? Because I already told you that really isn't for drinking, Ro--"
And she'd obviously gotten too used to Roxy drunkenly hanging all over her in private, whatever sense of personal space she'd ever had vanishing with each drink she consumed, or she would have had the sense to back away when Roxy suddenly stumbled towards her, or maybe it was her attempt at a lunge, and suddenly shoved her tongue in Jane's mouth.
Oh dear, Jane thought. If the show was going to turn into The Crocker Heir unexpectedly coming out live on national television she wished it could have at least happened with a good kiss instead of the sloppy licky mess which was the best Roxy could currently manage. "Taste the love," she slurred again before bursting into song once more, "On her shooooow, preparing her snap side peas--"
And this time Jane was the one doing the cutting off, covering Roxy's mouth with her hand and keeping it there even when Roxy oh-so-maturely chose to react by licking her palm. "Hey, not that one," she said, trying to keep her voice low enough to be private even if she wasn't sure that was actually possible while wearing a body mic. "If you're going to keep using my show as an excuse to keep mangling showtunes, at least don't pick ones which are unrequited." Then she turned back to the camera, her Company Heir smile firmly in place, and added for the sake of the audience, "And I hope that all our viewers at home are learning an important lesson about not drinking things that are meant for cooking!"