HAS IT REALLY ALREADY BEEN A SWEEP? THE MARKS ON THE WALL MUST BE WRONG. I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST PAST ME TO FORGET WHAT BILUNAR PERIGEE IT WAS AND SLIP IN A FEW EXTRA TALLY MARKS IN AN AMNESIA-INDUCED STUPOR. THAT GUY'S A FUCKING IDIOT.
YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I THINK I'VE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHY I'M STILL HERE. IT'S TIME I STOPPED BEING SUCH A FUCKING CRYGRUB AND OWNED UP TO THE FACT THAT I'M NOT DREAMING, AND I HAVEN'T DIED AND GONE TO TROLL HELL. THIS ISN'T JUST BECAUSE I'M OFF THE HEMOSPECTRUM, EITHER. I COULD'VE GONE OUT WITH THE GLUB, TOO, BUT GL'BGOLYB MUST HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING. MAYBE FEFERI TOLD HER ABOUT ME, OR MAYBE SHE HAD SOME WEIRD ELDRITCH POWER THAT ALLOWED HER TO SEE INTO THE THINK PAN OF WHATEVER POOR SAP HER GODFORSAKEN WHIMS CHOSE. BUT SOMEHOW, SHE MUST HAVE KNOWN ME FOR WHO I AM: THE SINGLE WORST EXCUSE FOR A TROLL IN THE HISTORY OF TROLLKIND. SHE KEPT ME ALIVE AS A FORM OF TORTURE, AS A FINAL "FUCK YOU" BEFORE HER LAST GASP, JUST SO I KNEW WHERE I STOOD.
MAYBE IF I WASN'T SUCH A NOOKSUCKER TO EVERYONE I MET, MAYBE IF I ACTUALLY LIVED UP TO ANYTHING I TOLD ANYONE I WAS, MAYBE IF I EVER ENTERED ANY MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP THAT DIDN'T END IN COMPLETE UTTER FUCKING FAILURE, IT MIGHT'VE MADE A DIFFERENCE. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I FUCKING DESERVE IT. OF COURSE I CAN'T APOLOGIZE OR MAKE IT UP TO ANY OF THE PEOPLE I KNEW. THAT MIGHT GIVE ME SOME SEMBLANCE OF SATISFACTION. BUT THE WORST PART OF ALL IS THE FACT THAT MY ONE COMPANION THROUGH ALL THIS IS THE SORRY SACK OF SHIT I CALL A SELF. I HATE READING PAST ME'S LETTERS. HE ALWAYS SAYS THE DUMBEST SHIT, WHILE ALL I CAN DO IS JUST SIT THERE, PROTEIN CHUTE AGAPE, WISHING I COULD SOMEHOW REACH THROUGH TIME AND SLAP HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE. MAYBE IF I STILL HAD TROLLIAN, I COULD WARN HIM WHAT A FUCKING MORON HE WAS, AND PREVENT SOME OF HIS INANE CLUCKBEAST SCRATCH FROM EVER REACHING A PIECE OF PAPER. BUT NO, FATE HAD TO BE CRUEL ENOUGH TO TAKE THAT AWAY, TOO.
OH, WHO AM I FUCKING KIDDING? GL'BGOLYB WAS A BIG-ASS TENTACLE MONSTER WHO COULD WIPE OUT EVERYONE IN THE GALAXY WITH HER FUCKING VOICE. SHE DIDN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME, AND EVEN IF SHE DID, WHY WOULD SHE GIVE A FUCK? I ONLY SURVIVED BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING FREAK OF NATURE.
AS MUCH AS I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, AND AS MUCH AS I'M ONLY KEEPING MYSELF ALIVE TO STAVE OFF WHATEVER THE FUCK COMES NEXT, THERE IS AN UPSIDE TO ALL THIS. I REMEMBER TALKING WITH FUTURE ME BACK BEFORE THE WHOLE PLANET WENT TO SHIT. YOU ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING UNBEARABLY FUCKING SMUG TO SAY, TO MAKE ME FEEL EVEN MORE WORTHLESS THAN I ALREADY DO. NOW I CAN WRITE TO YOU, AND YOU CAN'T WRITE BACK. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? WHEN I DO ALL THE TALKING, YOU'RE ACTUALLY KIND OF FUCKING BEARABLE. ISN'T THAT SAD? THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN EVER GIVE ME ANY KIND OF COMFORT IS SOMEONE WHO NEVER SAYS OR DOES ANYTHING TO ME. I GUESS WHAT THEY SAID IS TRUE: HELL REALLY IS OTHER TROLLS.
MAYBE I CAN'T BRING THE OTHERS BACK, BUT AS LONG AS I'VE GOT YOU, I'VE GOT HOPE. I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES SEASONS OR EVEN SWEEPS, BUT BECAUSE OF YOU, THERE'S AN INFINITESIMALLY SMALL CHANCE THAT, EVENTUALLY, I MIGHT EVEN BE FUCKING HAPPY.
FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA
HAS IT REALLY ALREADY BEEN A SWEEP? THE MARKS ON THE WALL MUST BE WRONG. I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST PAST ME TO FORGET WHAT BILUNAR PERIGEE IT WAS AND SLIP IN A FEW EXTRA TALLY MARKS IN AN AMNESIA-INDUCED STUPOR. THAT GUY'S A FUCKING IDIOT.
YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I THINK I'VE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHY I'M STILL HERE. IT'S TIME I STOPPED BEING SUCH A FUCKING CRYGRUB AND OWNED UP TO THE FACT THAT I'M NOT DREAMING, AND I HAVEN'T DIED AND GONE TO TROLL HELL. THIS ISN'T JUST BECAUSE I'M OFF THE HEMOSPECTRUM, EITHER. I COULD'VE GONE OUT WITH THE GLUB, TOO, BUT GL'BGOLYB MUST HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING. MAYBE FEFERI TOLD HER ABOUT ME, OR MAYBE SHE HAD SOME WEIRD ELDRITCH POWER THAT ALLOWED HER TO SEE INTO THE THINK PAN OF WHATEVER POOR SAP HER GODFORSAKEN WHIMS CHOSE. BUT SOMEHOW, SHE MUST HAVE KNOWN ME FOR WHO I AM: THE SINGLE WORST EXCUSE FOR A TROLL IN THE HISTORY OF TROLLKIND. SHE KEPT ME ALIVE AS A FORM OF TORTURE, AS A FINAL "FUCK YOU" BEFORE HER LAST GASP, JUST SO I KNEW WHERE I STOOD.
MAYBE IF I WASN'T SUCH A NOOKSUCKER TO EVERYONE I MET, MAYBE IF I ACTUALLY LIVED UP TO ANYTHING I TOLD ANYONE I WAS, MAYBE IF I EVER ENTERED ANY MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP THAT DIDN'T END IN COMPLETE UTTER FUCKING FAILURE, IT MIGHT'VE MADE A DIFFERENCE. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I FUCKING DESERVE IT. OF COURSE I CAN'T APOLOGIZE OR MAKE IT UP TO ANY OF THE PEOPLE I KNEW. THAT MIGHT GIVE ME SOME SEMBLANCE OF SATISFACTION. BUT THE WORST PART OF ALL IS THE FACT THAT MY ONE COMPANION THROUGH ALL THIS IS THE SORRY SACK OF SHIT I CALL A SELF. I HATE READING PAST ME'S LETTERS. HE ALWAYS SAYS THE DUMBEST SHIT, WHILE ALL I CAN DO IS JUST SIT THERE, PROTEIN CHUTE AGAPE, WISHING I COULD SOMEHOW REACH THROUGH TIME AND SLAP HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE. MAYBE IF I STILL HAD TROLLIAN, I COULD WARN HIM WHAT A FUCKING MORON HE WAS, AND PREVENT SOME OF HIS INANE CLUCKBEAST SCRATCH FROM EVER REACHING A PIECE OF PAPER. BUT NO, FATE HAD TO BE CRUEL ENOUGH TO TAKE THAT AWAY, TOO.
OH, WHO AM I FUCKING KIDDING? GL'BGOLYB WAS A BIG-ASS TENTACLE MONSTER WHO COULD WIPE OUT EVERYONE IN THE GALAXY WITH HER FUCKING VOICE. SHE DIDN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME, AND EVEN IF SHE DID, WHY WOULD SHE GIVE A FUCK? I ONLY SURVIVED BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING FREAK OF NATURE.
AS MUCH AS I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, AND AS MUCH AS I'M ONLY KEEPING MYSELF ALIVE TO STAVE OFF WHATEVER THE FUCK COMES NEXT, THERE IS AN UPSIDE TO ALL THIS. I REMEMBER TALKING WITH FUTURE ME BACK BEFORE THE WHOLE PLANET WENT TO SHIT. YOU ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING UNBEARABLY FUCKING SMUG TO SAY, TO MAKE ME FEEL EVEN MORE WORTHLESS THAN I ALREADY DO. NOW I CAN WRITE TO YOU, AND YOU CAN'T WRITE BACK. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? WHEN I DO ALL THE TALKING, YOU'RE ACTUALLY KIND OF FUCKING BEARABLE. ISN'T THAT SAD? THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN EVER GIVE ME ANY KIND OF COMFORT IS SOMEONE WHO NEVER SAYS OR DOES ANYTHING TO ME. I GUESS WHAT THEY SAID IS TRUE: HELL REALLY IS OTHER TROLLS.
MAYBE I CAN'T BRING THE OTHERS BACK, BUT AS LONG AS I'VE GOT YOU, I'VE GOT HOPE. I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES SEASONS OR EVEN SWEEPS, BUT BECAUSE OF YOU, THERE'S AN INFINITESIMALLY SMALL CHANCE THAT, EVENTUALLY, I MIGHT EVEN BE FUCKING HAPPY.
MAYBE THAT'S SOMETHING WORTH LIVING FOR.
( Optional ending image because I don't know how many people would get the reference: http://i882.photobucket.com/albums/ac29/Gjarble/karkat-karkat.gif )