Dirk leaned against the doorbell as though this would magically produce results hitherto unapparent. Unsurprisingly, it didn't.
"Jane Crocker," he said to the locked door, "I realize the whole entering residences issue is something of a sensitive subject, but if you don't let me in right fucking now I'm taking all the groceries and dumping them down the stairwell, and it will all be your fault."
In a sparkle of fuschia, the latch clicked open, the chain rattled in its slot, and the doorknob turned. Dirk bumped the door open with his hip.
They were still in the living room, still watching a move - some kind of nature documentary, so Jake was about to get the munchies, if past experience was any indication.
The door shut and locked itself again once he was inside. "Thank you, Roxy," Dirk said, on his way past the couch to the kitchen. "At least someone around here understands the vital importance of opening the fucking door so your innocent victim can wander wide-eyed into your lair. What kind of grim seductress of the night are you, anyway?" This last was directed at Jane, who, to do her credit, did finally lever herself up from the couch to come give him a hand with the groceries. It was as though she thought he would put everything away in some arcane order known only to himself if left to his own devices. In this she was perfectly correct.
"The innocent victim place delivers now?" Jake called without moving from his central position on the couch. "Golly, Dirk, you could've let the poor chap in! It's just rude to leave the food sitting out too long."
Dirk gave him what would be a speaking look if he weren't wearing his glasses. Jake could probably smell the skepticism anyway.
Jane lifted the heaviest of the grocery bags out of his arms effortlessly. It was enough to give a less self-assured guy a complex. "Looks like someone decided to splurge. What did you get?"
"Two for one sale on orange soda," he said. Jane made a face as she pulled the bottles out of the bag. "...And some comfort food for you," he added, deliberately belated.
"Oooh!" Jane clutched the blood pudding to her chest with what one might call inappropriate enthusiasm. "Excellent choice, Mister Strider! I think I like you best!"
"You always like me best."
"Lies!" called Roxy from the living room. "Lies and vile calumnies! You like me best, don't you, Janey-cakes?"
"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me."
"Wow, rude!"
The groceries duly put away according to Jane's extremely categorical system, Dirk slid into place on the couch. Jake scratched the back of his head. "Nicely efficient on the shopping! Broke your old speed record, I do believe."
"Just because you like being scratched behind the ears doesn't mean that everyone does," Dirk pointed out irrelevantly, though he didn't move Jake's hand. He quite liked the feeling, really, but if he didn't complain, then Jake might not know he still appreciated it.
Jane came back and saw him sitting in her spot. "I don't think you're my favorite anymore," she said.
"Alas, so fickle," replied Dirk.
Without further ado, Jane lifted him as easily as the groceries and set him down on her lap.
"Shh!" said Jake. "This is the best part of the whole thing!"
"It's the nature channel," Roxy pointed out.
"But -" Jake gestured wildly at the screen. "The thrill of the chase! The triumph! The primal whatsit!"
"Oh, well, if there's whatsit! Everyone shoosh, Jake wants his whatsit!"
"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Dirk said.
Jake swatted him, Roxy cackled witchily, and Jane poked him in the sides. And all was right with the world.
FILL: TEAM EQUIUS<3TAVROS
"Jane Crocker," he said to the locked door, "I realize the whole entering residences issue is something of a sensitive subject, but if you don't let me in right fucking now I'm taking all the groceries and dumping them down the stairwell, and it will all be your fault."
In a sparkle of fuschia, the latch clicked open, the chain rattled in its slot, and the doorknob turned. Dirk bumped the door open with his hip.
They were still in the living room, still watching a move - some kind of nature documentary, so Jake was about to get the munchies, if past experience was any indication.
The door shut and locked itself again once he was inside. "Thank you, Roxy," Dirk said, on his way past the couch to the kitchen. "At least someone around here understands the vital importance of opening the fucking door so your innocent victim can wander wide-eyed into your lair. What kind of grim seductress of the night are you, anyway?" This last was directed at Jane, who, to do her credit, did finally lever herself up from the couch to come give him a hand with the groceries. It was as though she thought he would put everything away in some arcane order known only to himself if left to his own devices. In this she was perfectly correct.
"The innocent victim place delivers now?" Jake called without moving from his central position on the couch. "Golly, Dirk, you could've let the poor chap in! It's just rude to leave the food sitting out too long."
Dirk gave him what would be a speaking look if he weren't wearing his glasses. Jake could probably smell the skepticism anyway.
Jane lifted the heaviest of the grocery bags out of his arms effortlessly. It was enough to give a less self-assured guy a complex. "Looks like someone decided to splurge. What did you get?"
"Two for one sale on orange soda," he said. Jane made a face as she pulled the bottles out of the bag. "...And some comfort food for you," he added, deliberately belated.
"Oooh!" Jane clutched the blood pudding to her chest with what one might call inappropriate enthusiasm. "Excellent choice, Mister Strider! I think I like you best!"
"You always like me best."
"Lies!" called Roxy from the living room. "Lies and vile calumnies! You like me best, don't you, Janey-cakes?"
"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me."
"Wow, rude!"
The groceries duly put away according to Jane's extremely categorical system, Dirk slid into place on the couch. Jake scratched the back of his head. "Nicely efficient on the shopping! Broke your old speed record, I do believe."
"Just because you like being scratched behind the ears doesn't mean that everyone does," Dirk pointed out irrelevantly, though he didn't move Jake's hand. He quite liked the feeling, really, but if he didn't complain, then Jake might not know he still appreciated it.
Jane came back and saw him sitting in her spot. "I don't think you're my favorite anymore," she said.
"Alas, so fickle," replied Dirk.
Without further ado, Jane lifted him as easily as the groceries and set him down on her lap.
"Shh!" said Jake. "This is the best part of the whole thing!"
"It's the nature channel," Roxy pointed out.
"But -" Jake gestured wildly at the screen. "The thrill of the chase! The triumph! The primal whatsit!"
"Oh, well, if there's whatsit! Everyone shoosh, Jake wants his whatsit!"
"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Dirk said.
Jake swatted him, Roxy cackled witchily, and Jane poked him in the sides. And all was right with the world.