Didn't ask for the weight of the guns in their hands, the itch of the rough uniforms on their backs, the bright patches of the Empire's insignia emblazoned across their arms. They are supposed to love bloodshed, or if not, at least accept it and kill with impersonal dignity. A quiet relishing of the taking of life in the glorious name of the Empress. All hail the Alternian Army. We are the strong, we are the powerful. We live to serve.
They didn't ask for any of this. They are still just children.
They were children. Now, they are soldiers.
This thought repeats itself in Sollux's brain. I am a soldier, I am a soldier, I am a soldier. He tries not to see Aradia in the mud before him, in his line of fire, quivering in front of the barrel of his gun. Wait, no. She is not quivering. It's his hand that's unsteady. She is kneeling still, her face calm, with no emotion leaking through. She is strong.
She is not Aradia. She is a rogue soldier. She is a red-blood, a shape, a grey splotch that must be wiped away. A stain that must be blotted out.
I am a soldier, I am a soldier, I am a soldier.
He doesn't remember hearing the command to fire, and he doesn't remember the feel of the trigger beneath his finger as he pulls.
He remembers the way she slumps to the ground and the heaviness of the approving commander's hand on his shoulder.
-
His new badge glints on the table next to his cot. The door to his room opens, and he allows himself to glance up. Karkat does not wait for Sollux to invite him in; he slams the door shut and places a bottle and two cups on the table.
"We're not allowed to have that," Sollux intones. His voice is hollow. Karkat snorts.
"You've been promoted," he says. "We ought to celebrate."
Sollux's face twists and darkens. Karkat pours two cups and hands him one. He leaves the other on the table.
Sollux stares at the cup in his hands. He doesn't know how Karkat managed to get his hands on this. Soldiers are not allowed to have alcohol, especially the young ones. And, judging by the greenish tint, it's been enhanced with a bit of sopor. Cheap stuff, but potent.
The new lieutenant sets his mouth into a thin line and slowly pours the drink onto the floor.
Karkat explodes.
"What are you doing? Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that!?" He tries to grab the cup from Sollux's hand, but the yellow-blood holds it out of reach.
"It's already all gone you idiot, what are you grabbing for?" Sollux snarls. "Get off of me. This stuff is garbage anyway."
"Well, yeah, that's why I got it!"
"What are you trying to say?"
"Like you don't know."
"Seriously, KK, get off me, god, what-- "
"Aha!"
Karkat yanks the cup from his hand with enough force to throw him backwards. He scrambles up, grabs the bottle and sloshes more into the cup. Half of it spills onto the table. The ribbon on his badge darkens with liquor.
He sticks his hand out roughly, spilling even more, and scowls.
Sollux stares at it.
"What?"
"Drink it."
"No."
"I said drink it."
"Aren't I the one who's been promoted?" Sollux sneers. "Are you trying to give orders to a higher ranking officer?"
"Shut up."
Karkat shoves the cup into the lieutenant's hands and waits. Sollux sighs and downs the drink. He grimaces. It is fairly disgusting. Karkat takes the cup back and refills it.
"We could get culled for this, you know," Sollux tells him. It is dispassionate. The fact neither scares him nor cheers him.
"Yeah. So that means we have to get rid of all the evidence."
Sollux finishes the next cup. It's still horrible. He's a bit angry, now. He holds out the cup for Karkat to take. It is promptly refilled.
"I don't want any more."
"Yes you do."
Sollux growls and takes the drink. The cycle repeats. Some time later, Sollux is slumped on the cot, holding his head in his hands. He feels like trash. Karkat's hand is on his shoulder, keeping him from falling forward onto the floor.
"Tonight is going to be terrible."
"Yeah." A statement of fact. Karkat pats him on the shoulder.
"I really wish I had a recuperacoon right now."
Karkat shakes his head.
"Gotta keep Alternia's finest sharp. Nothing like a long night of horrific nightmares to make you want to kill everything in sight."
Nothing is said for a while.
"I shot her, KK."
Karkat turns. Sollux looks very tired.
"I know," he answers.
"I din't want to shoot her."
"I know."
"She's dead, KK."
"Yes."
"I killed her."
"You were just following orders."
The excuse doesn't make him feel better. But his head is pounding and his vision is swimming and he thinks he's going to be sick. He puts all his effort into not throwing up.
"You got me drunk, you bulgewipe."
"Yeah," Karkat says, his lips quirking a bit, "Sorry. Are we still friends?"
"I should say no."
-
i haven't written in forever oh gosh i hope this isn't terrible =m=
FILL: TEAM DAVE<3JADE
Didn't ask for the weight of the guns in their hands, the itch of the rough uniforms on their backs, the bright patches of the Empire's insignia emblazoned across their arms. They are supposed to love bloodshed, or if not, at least accept it and kill with impersonal dignity. A quiet relishing of the taking of life in the glorious name of the Empress. All hail the Alternian Army. We are the strong, we are the powerful. We live to serve.
They didn't ask for any of this. They are still just children.
They were children. Now, they are soldiers.
This thought repeats itself in Sollux's brain. I am a soldier, I am a soldier, I am a soldier. He tries not to see Aradia in the mud before him, in his line of fire, quivering in front of the barrel of his gun. Wait, no. She is not quivering. It's his hand that's unsteady. She is kneeling still, her face calm, with no emotion leaking through. She is strong.
She is not Aradia. She is a rogue soldier. She is a red-blood, a shape, a grey splotch that must be wiped away. A stain that must be blotted out.
I am a soldier, I am a soldier, I am a soldier.
He doesn't remember hearing the command to fire, and he doesn't remember the feel of the trigger beneath his finger as he pulls.
He remembers the way she slumps to the ground and the heaviness of the approving commander's hand on his shoulder.
-
His new badge glints on the table next to his cot. The door to his room opens, and he allows himself to glance up. Karkat does not wait for Sollux to invite him in; he slams the door shut and places a bottle and two cups on the table.
"We're not allowed to have that," Sollux intones. His voice is hollow. Karkat snorts.
"You've been promoted," he says. "We ought to celebrate."
Sollux's face twists and darkens. Karkat pours two cups and hands him one. He leaves the other on the table.
Sollux stares at the cup in his hands. He doesn't know how Karkat managed to get his hands on this. Soldiers are not allowed to have alcohol, especially the young ones. And, judging by the greenish tint, it's been enhanced with a bit of sopor. Cheap stuff, but potent.
The new lieutenant sets his mouth into a thin line and slowly pours the drink onto the floor.
Karkat explodes.
"What are you doing? Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that!?" He tries to grab the cup from Sollux's hand, but the yellow-blood holds it out of reach.
"It's already all gone you idiot, what are you grabbing for?" Sollux snarls. "Get off of me. This stuff is garbage anyway."
"Well, yeah, that's why I got it!"
"What are you trying to say?"
"Like you don't know."
"Seriously, KK, get off me, god, what-- "
"Aha!"
Karkat yanks the cup from his hand with enough force to throw him backwards. He scrambles up, grabs the bottle and sloshes more into the cup. Half of it spills onto the table. The ribbon on his badge darkens with liquor.
He sticks his hand out roughly, spilling even more, and scowls.
Sollux stares at it.
"What?"
"Drink it."
"No."
"I said drink it."
"Aren't I the one who's been promoted?" Sollux sneers. "Are you trying to give orders to a higher ranking officer?"
"Shut up."
Karkat shoves the cup into the lieutenant's hands and waits. Sollux sighs and downs the drink. He grimaces. It is fairly disgusting. Karkat takes the cup back and refills it.
"We could get culled for this, you know," Sollux tells him. It is dispassionate. The fact neither scares him nor cheers him.
"Yeah. So that means we have to get rid of all the evidence."
Sollux finishes the next cup. It's still horrible. He's a bit angry, now. He holds out the cup for Karkat to take. It is promptly refilled.
"I don't want any more."
"Yes you do."
Sollux growls and takes the drink. The cycle repeats. Some time later, Sollux is slumped on the cot, holding his head in his hands. He feels like trash. Karkat's hand is on his shoulder, keeping him from falling forward onto the floor.
"Tonight is going to be terrible."
"Yeah." A statement of fact. Karkat pats him on the shoulder.
"I really wish I had a recuperacoon right now."
Karkat shakes his head.
"Gotta keep Alternia's finest sharp. Nothing like a long night of horrific nightmares to make you want to kill everything in sight."
Nothing is said for a while.
"I shot her, KK."
Karkat turns. Sollux looks very tired.
"I know," he answers.
"I din't want to shoot her."
"I know."
"She's dead, KK."
"Yes."
"I killed her."
"You were just following orders."
The excuse doesn't make him feel better. But his head is pounding and his vision is swimming and he thinks he's going to be sick. He puts all his effort into not throwing up.
"You got me drunk, you bulgewipe."
"Yeah," Karkat says, his lips quirking a bit, "Sorry. Are we still friends?"
"I should say no."
-
i haven't written in forever oh gosh i hope this isn't terrible =m=