Your name is Roxy Lalonde and you have just woken up in a dark room with a pounding headache. That's pretty normal really. As is groping around for some manner of lightsource and finding a random flashlight. You don't think it's normal that you've found yourself in what appears to be an Egyptian tomb though once you flick on the flashlight.

What the hell did you drink last night? Whatever it was it must have been something damn good to make you forget all this apparent traipsing over Egypt. And Egypt totally wasn't even a thing anymore you thought, what with fish nazis with a baking fetish flooding the world and all. Oh well. You seem to be stuck here and without a drop of booze in sight which is annoying, but eh. Seems like you have to go sober. You decide to wander through the tomb a bit. Only to get horribly lost. Well...more so. But still.

Lost as shit you are only mildly disturbed by the odd moaning noises you hear in the distance, which aren't even the sexy kind but the horrible zombie kind. Really you should be at "Pissing your pants" levels of disturbed and have your gun out, but you're not. And so you do what you always do in these situations. You hit up the autoresponder.

==>Roxy: Ignore immediate danger and proceed to flirt with the autoresponder