Whoever designed LOHAC can eat a dick. They can eat a whole bunch of ripe dicks, all served up on a silver dick platter. Dave will pull out their chair for them, place a fancy fuckin' napkin on their lap, and hand them the correct dick fork and the correct dick knife to let them dig right in to the heaped serving of dicks that they should so clearly be helping themselves to.
Shut up, he thinks at Rose. He's more or less 100% pretty sure that she can't actually read his mind, but it can't hurt. In any event, Rose isn't here: Rose is in the magical land of rainbows and beaches, not the sweaty asshole land of lava and cockwork. Clockwork. What?
Anyway.
There's a gigantic crappy pyramid between Dave and where he needs to go. It's plonked down square in the middle of the platform, hanging over the edges in a way that's probably meant to look X-TREEM but just looks like God got trashed and left his shit everywhere. According to the nakkadiles' map, the sidequest gate is just behind it and over some sort of giant chasm. That's cool. By this stage in the LOHAC game, Dave Strider and Giant Chasms are like this, and this totally means two crossed fingers not one poor motherfucker Terminator 2-ing it into some lava.
The problem is that the way that it juts out over the edges of the platform means that going around it is out of the question. No biggie, though: if you can't go around something, go through it. That's probably some Mister Miyagi shit right there. Hiyaa hoohah motherfuckers, it's all Strider Style up in this dojo.
Do pyramids even have doors? As far as he can tell from his rich historical learnings, the proper way to enter a pyramid is to lean accidentally on a statue or innocent-looking carving or some shit. The gigantic crappy pyramid is lacking in both, which is rude as hell.
Dave stabs it, just a little. Whatever the fuck it's made of cracks and crumbles away like nasty polystyrene.
"I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid that this fakeass pyramid bullshit is not OSHA approved," Dave says. "I'm going to have to take this building downtown, get the boys in the lab to check it out."
He winds up dramatically and hits it again. A tiny chunk of it flakes away and falls anticlimactically into the lava below. He comes to the conclusion that he is not spending his whole afternoon stabbing his way inch-by-inch through a pyramid. He doesn't know what sort of person would be dumb enough to do something like that, but it's not him.
Well, okay, that's a lie, but it's the sort of lie that needs serious discussion of the metaphysics of time-travel before someone can call him out on it, and he's fine with that because that shit leaves him plenty of time to escape.
"'Sup," he says.
"Not much," says an offshoot Dave. "What're we doing?"
Dave hitches a thumb at the pyramid. "Carving our way through this motherfucker."
"Cool," says the other Dave, and pulls out his sword.
"Awesome," says the first Dave, and then: "'Sup."
"Not much," says an offshoot Dave. "What're we doing?"
Dave hitches a thumb at the pyramid. "Carving our way through this motherfucker."
"Cool," says the other Dave, and pulls out his sword.
"Awesome," says the first Dave, and then: "'Sup."
You should always rely on yourself, and relying on yourself is like a hundred times better when it involves a well-dressed army of time clones doing your bidding. That shit should be in fortune cookies.
Dave Primus, Ur-Dave, Dave And You Shall Have No Other Daves Before Me is in the middle of chalking the final score to Daves: 1, Shitty Pyramid: 0 when the screaming starts. Then stops. And starts. Then stops. He bolts through the sword-cut tunnel running through the pyramid, then finds himself pinwheeling madly on the edge of the platform. Below him, the scene from Terminator 2 is being acted out a dozen times over, a metric shit-ton of thumbs-ups sinking solemnly into the lava. It is horrific. It is a tragedy. It is fucking stupid.
FILL: TEAM GAMZEE<>KARKAT - LEMMINGS (1991)
Shut up, he thinks at Rose. He's more or less 100% pretty sure that she can't actually read his mind, but it can't hurt. In any event, Rose isn't here: Rose is in the magical land of rainbows and beaches, not the sweaty asshole land of lava and cockwork. Clockwork. What?
Anyway.
There's a gigantic crappy pyramid between Dave and where he needs to go. It's plonked down square in the middle of the platform, hanging over the edges in a way that's probably meant to look X-TREEM but just looks like God got trashed and left his shit everywhere. According to the nakkadiles' map, the sidequest gate is just behind it and over some sort of giant chasm. That's cool. By this stage in the LOHAC game, Dave Strider and Giant Chasms are like this, and this totally means two crossed fingers not one poor motherfucker Terminator 2-ing it into some lava.
The problem is that the way that it juts out over the edges of the platform means that going around it is out of the question. No biggie, though: if you can't go around something, go through it. That's probably some Mister Miyagi shit right there. Hiyaa hoohah motherfuckers, it's all Strider Style up in this dojo.
Do pyramids even have doors? As far as he can tell from his rich historical learnings, the proper way to enter a pyramid is to lean accidentally on a statue or innocent-looking carving or some shit. The gigantic crappy pyramid is lacking in both, which is rude as hell.
Dave stabs it, just a little. Whatever the fuck it's made of cracks and crumbles away like nasty polystyrene.
"I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid that this fakeass pyramid bullshit is not OSHA approved," Dave says. "I'm going to have to take this building downtown, get the boys in the lab to check it out."
He winds up dramatically and hits it again. A tiny chunk of it flakes away and falls anticlimactically into the lava below. He comes to the conclusion that he is not spending his whole afternoon stabbing his way inch-by-inch through a pyramid. He doesn't know what sort of person would be dumb enough to do something like that, but it's not him.
Well, okay, that's a lie, but it's the sort of lie that needs serious discussion of the metaphysics of time-travel before someone can call him out on it, and he's fine with that because that shit leaves him plenty of time to escape.
"'Sup," he says.
"Not much," says an offshoot Dave. "What're we doing?"
Dave hitches a thumb at the pyramid. "Carving our way through this motherfucker."
"Cool," says the other Dave, and pulls out his sword.
"Awesome," says the first Dave, and then: "'Sup."
"Not much," says an offshoot Dave. "What're we doing?"
Dave hitches a thumb at the pyramid. "Carving our way through this motherfucker."
"Cool," says the other Dave, and pulls out his sword.
"Awesome," says the first Dave, and then: "'Sup."
You should always rely on yourself, and relying on yourself is like a hundred times better when it involves a well-dressed army of time clones doing your bidding. That shit should be in fortune cookies.
Dave Primus, Ur-Dave, Dave And You Shall Have No Other Daves Before Me is in the middle of chalking the final score to Daves: 1, Shitty Pyramid: 0 when the screaming starts. Then stops. And starts. Then stops. He bolts through the sword-cut tunnel running through the pyramid, then finds himself pinwheeling madly on the edge of the platform. Below him, the scene from Terminator 2 is being acted out a dozen times over, a metric shit-ton of thumbs-ups sinking solemnly into the lava. It is horrific. It is a tragedy. It is fucking stupid.
Whoever designed LOHAC can eat a dick.