You're not really a guy for clubs, you're more of the "Hey! Let's chill at the Applebees bar and get hit on by some MILF cougars!" kind of dude. And maybe the MILF part isn't so fun, but you're always surrounded by your best bros and lady-bros and that's enough for you!
But he insists, all shades and "Wow Egbert, you really have to try this place the babes are choice. Completely unforgettable." You agreed because you were impressed that he managed to make his voice sound like italics.
You didn't know that you had to drive from Washington to California to get to the damn place. 3 hours is too much to drive for a club, but you did have a fun time on the roadtrip there. You listened to shitty music in preparation for the shitfest about to go down as Rose called out lyrics she didn't know from the back seat.
You arrive, wait in line, and get carded like the best of them. You split from your friends at the insistence of Dave and Jade, who were both eager to find some anonymous face to fuck on the dance floor. They may or may not actually do that, but you can imagine.
The lights turn red and flash, and you hope no one in the crowd has a severe case of epilepsy, when you see her.
You let your mouth hang open, gasping in sweet awe. She's wearing daisy dukes, a bikini, and an eye-patch.
That is the lamest shit you've ever seen in your life.
She sees you staring at her. Oh shit, she's coming over. You try to hide underneath your bottle of Smirnoff Ice, before you realise that probably makes you look like the hugest pussy this side of the Pacific.
"Hey sexy!" she lisps into your face, drawing out the e to 8 beats per measure. You smell the ale oozing from between her teeth. "Do you know what song is playing right now?"
"Uh-"
"THAT'S RIGHT! You are a winner! It's Turn Me On by Nicki Minaj! Speaking of which, you know what I want to do with you right now?"
"Oh... Oh god... Uh, play... scrabble?"
"HahahahaHAHAHAHA no," her face becomes serious. "Doctor, doctor, I need you to... Turn me on."
You stare at her blankly. She grabs you by the arm and you really don't give enough fucks to resist, so you join her on the dance floor. She spends the entire time with her ass bent at a 90 degree angle and existing uncomfortably up in your nether regions, and your awkward flailing doesn't help anything progress smoothly. She winks at you when the song transitions (or blinks, you're not actually sure about this), and pushes you onto one of the tables surrounding the bar. You land flat on your back and you're very confused.
"You know, Gerome, if that is your real name-"
"It's not."
"I really like you!!!!!!!! I'm just going to slip my cell phone number into your pocket right here and damn I would love it if you called me when we're both sobered up. I'd be a lucky lady if you decided to ring me up tomorrow."
She punches you playfully in the arm, then dissipates into the crowd.
--------
You wake up in the hotel the next morning, more fortunate than your hungover friends. You dig in your pants pockets for your phone, when a piece of paper slips out. Oh yeah, that weird girl. You debate calling her or not. She was probably the most interesting thing to happen to you in your sleepy clubbing life, maybe you should give her a chance. You could see maybe one day, she'll have your heartbeat running away, beating like a drum and it's--
Enough of that. You text her.
hey! i'm that dude you threw on the table from last night. we should go out sometime. applebees?
FILL: TEAM JADE<3KARKAT
You're not really a guy for clubs, you're more of the "Hey! Let's chill at the Applebees bar and get hit on by some MILF cougars!" kind of dude. And maybe the MILF part isn't so fun, but you're always surrounded by your best bros and lady-bros and that's enough for you!
But he insists, all shades and "Wow Egbert, you really have to try this place the babes are choice. Completely unforgettable." You agreed because you were impressed that he managed to make his voice sound like italics.
You didn't know that you had to drive from Washington to California to get to the damn place. 3 hours is too much to drive for a club, but you did have a fun time on the roadtrip there. You listened to shitty music in preparation for the shitfest about to go down as Rose called out lyrics she didn't know from the back seat.
You arrive, wait in line, and get carded like the best of them. You split from your friends at the insistence of Dave and Jade, who were both eager to find some anonymous face to fuck on the dance floor. They may or may not actually do that, but you can imagine.
The lights turn red and flash, and you hope no one in the crowd has a severe case of epilepsy, when you see her.
You let your mouth hang open, gasping in sweet awe. She's wearing daisy dukes, a bikini, and an eye-patch.
That is the lamest shit you've ever seen in your life.
She sees you staring at her. Oh shit, she's coming over. You try to hide underneath your bottle of Smirnoff Ice, before you realise that probably makes you look like the hugest pussy this side of the Pacific.
"Hey sexy!" she lisps into your face, drawing out the e to 8 beats per measure. You smell the ale oozing from between her teeth. "Do you know what song is playing right now?"
"Uh-"
"THAT'S RIGHT! You are a winner! It's Turn Me On by Nicki Minaj! Speaking of which, you know what I want to do with you right now?"
"Oh... Oh god... Uh, play... scrabble?"
"HahahahaHAHAHAHA no," her face becomes serious. "Doctor, doctor, I need you to... Turn me on."
You stare at her blankly. She grabs you by the arm and you really don't give enough fucks to resist, so you join her on the dance floor. She spends the entire time with her ass bent at a 90 degree angle and existing uncomfortably up in your nether regions, and your awkward flailing doesn't help anything progress smoothly. She winks at you when the song transitions (or blinks, you're not actually sure about this), and pushes you onto one of the tables surrounding the bar. You land flat on your back and you're very confused.
"You know, Gerome, if that is your real name-"
"It's not."
"I really like you!!!!!!!! I'm just going to slip my cell phone number into your pocket right here and damn I would love it if you called me when we're both sobered up. I'd be a lucky lady if you decided to ring me up tomorrow."
She punches you playfully in the arm, then dissipates into the crowd.
--------
You wake up in the hotel the next morning, more fortunate than your hungover friends. You dig in your pants pockets for your phone, when a piece of paper slips out. Oh yeah, that weird girl. You debate calling her or not. She was probably the most interesting thing to happen to you in your sleepy clubbing life, maybe you should give her a chance. You could see maybe one day, she'll have your heartbeat running away, beating like a drum and it's--
Enough of that. You text her.
hey! i'm that dude you threw on the table from last night. we should go out sometime. applebees?