Warning: Animal harm

"Death Valley," Aradia read from the map. "Dave, Dave, we need to make a detour."

"I can promise it's not half as good as you're imagining right now," Dave said.

"Come on," Aradia said. "It's not like we're short on time."

"Yeah, we're practically made of it."

"That's a terrible joke."

"Sorry, I will step up my game in the future."

They pulled off the main highway, cutting across the desert towards the famous valley. Aradia looked out the car's window and bounced in her seat in excitement.

"Oh!" she cried suddenly, making Dave jerk the wheel. "Dave pull over, pull over!"

"Christ, do you gotta piss all the sudden?" Dave snapped, but he obeyed. Aradia hurriedly kicked open her door and took off into the sand.

"Dave, come quick!" Aradia called. "Come check it out!"

"Okay," Dave said. "That actually is pretty awesome."

It was a skeleton. It looked like some sort of bull, at least by the skull. The body's bones had been scattered by scavengers.

"Weird," Dave said. "There's no farms around here. Maybe it fell off the back of a truck and staggered out here to die?"

"Can we take it?" Aradia asked. "The skull is so awesome."

"Sure, I think it'll fit in the trunk," Dave said.

It took both of them to haul it up to the car. The whole way they kept checking over their shoulders but the dinky little highway was empty.

"Perfect fit," Aradia said, closing the trunk gently. "This is going to look so awesome in my hive."

"Whoa, who says you get it?" Dave said. "It would look awesome in my apartment too."

"Hmm," Aradia said. "That's tough. Maybe we'll find another one?"

"I doubt it," Dave said. "Whatever, it's hot as balls out here, let's get moving. There's suppose to be a gas station soon."

The rumbled down the road, air conditioning not doing half as good a job as it should of. Even with all the blessings of a god it was miserable. When they finally saw the gas station they cheered.

"Water!" Aradia cried.

"Apple juice!" Dave added.

They chugged down two bottles each in the store and bought extras and ice and a cooler and dragged it all out to toss in the backseat.

"Sweet, sweet, nectar," Dave said, sucking down his third juice.

"You're like a grub salts junkie," Aradia said.

"Whatever, let's roll- oh my god." Dave froze.

"What?" Aradia asked.

"Over there? See it? The snake."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"That's a striped whipsnake!" he said excitedly. "I've wanted one for years oh wow."

"Well, grab it!" Aradia said.

"No way, it'll bite the fuck out of me soon as I get near."

"You're the Knight of Time and you're letting a snake get the drop on you?"

"Snakes are fucking scary, okay? There was a kid in my class that got bit by a rattlesnake on a field trip and holy fuck. I guess we should just get going."

Dave stared sadly at the snake before turning and going back the car.

"If you're not going to do it, I am," Aradia said. She walked right up to the snake and like a flash her hand struck out, grabbing the snake by it's throat and there was a distinct snap.

"Wow," Dave said. He looked at her and then at the dead snake and then back and forth a couple times. "Let's stick it in the cooler."

For the rest of the drive they had to push the snake aside every time they wanted to grab a drink. It was sort of inconvenient but hey, it wasn't like you could find formaldehyde in bumfuck nowhere unless you were a serial killer.

"So you get the snake, I get the skull," Aradia said.

"Deal," Dave agreed.

They finally got to Death Valley just before dark. They got out of the car and stood on a hillside, staring at the sunset.

"Wow," Aradia said. "This really is lame."

"Yeah. Though I think we passed a stand with jackalope taxidermy a couple miles back."

"What's a jackalope?"

"You are in for a treat."