BONUS ROUND 1

[hso_mods]

Bonus Round 1

Genre-Mixing

Hey, shippers! Welcome to your very first bonus round proper--we hope you have lots of fun with it! This time around we're going to be asking you to mix it up a little--each fanwork posted for this round will be a mish-mash of two different genres, blended together in a delightful incestuous slurry to create an UNSTOPPABLE CREATIVE CONCOCTION--er. Or. Something.

Yeah, we're genre-mixing. That's what we're doing this round.

Rules

1. Submit prompts! Prompts should consist of two different genres and one ship. This cannot be your team's ship! These are worth 5 points each, for a maximum of 100 points per team.


2. Look through the prompts and fill whichever you like!


3. You may not fill prompts for your ship, nor may you fill your own team's prompts.


4. Fills should be posted as replies to the prompts which they are for, following the format below. They may be any medium.

Title Format
If you are starting a new thread, please use this format in your title.
PROMPT: TEAM [YOUR SHIP]
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with.
If your team name is not in this format and in the title we cannot guarantee that it will be counted.

If you are filling a prompt, use this format in your title.
FILL: TEAM [YOUR SHIP]
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with.
If your team name is not in this format and in the title we cannot guarantee that it will be counted.

Posts not using this format in the title will be understood to be unofficial discussion posts, no matter what they contain. They, like all comments on the comm, are subject to the Wank Policy.

Scoring
For prompt posts: 5 points each (maximum of 100 per team)

For fills (as stated here):
First 5 entries in each post: 30 (per entry)
Entries 6-10 in each post: 20 (per entry)
Entries 11-15 in each post: 10 (per entry)
Entries 16+ in each post: 5 (per entry)

All scored content must be created/assembled new for this round.

If you have any questions, please ask them at the FAQ post here, or email them to us (homestuck.shipping at gmail). Otherwise, we cannot guarantee that we will see them in a timely fashion!

Comments

FILL: TEAM JADE♥ARADIA

[roxxxy]

fjlkfjlkfjkljg sorry this...makes no sense and it kind of got away from me. i hope you like it anyway!

--

There are gaping, toothy mouths settled in her sockets where her eyes should be, gruesomely red, and soft flesh is hidden by scaley layers of keratin.

He loves her anyway.

Some days, he wakes up to her snuffling and keening incoherently, writhing, and he knows she needs something only he can give - the secret they share with each other is the nature of their existences. So he crawls over to her, lets three sets of jaws latch on and bleed him near-dry, candy red, and she sighs in contenment as his vision spins. There have been times when she's almost brought him over the edge of death.

He loves her anyway.

Not just because, well -- who else would he love? -- but genuinely. Even if holding hands sometimes means being clawed up. Even if kissing leads to a cut tongue.

She is his monster, and even though she'll never see, only taste and smell, he is her monster too.

Re: FILL: TEAM KARKAT <3 VRISKA

[alymira]

That was faaaaaaaaaantastic! :D <3 Hahahaha, thanks so much for the great fill! :3

PROMPT: TEAM JADE♥ARADIA

[roxxxy]

slick <3< snowman

steampunk, body horror

FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<>ROSE

[wallwalker]

Tags: Psychological Horror, Incest, Suicide Attempt, Language, and general weirdness. I seriously don't know where this even came from.

---

You're holding on tightly to Rose's hand as the two of you race down the dark corridor. Neither of you know what's behind you, and you can't look back, because it's right behind you and it's going to kill you if it catches you.

"Don't look back," you say over and over. "Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back -"

Rose doesn't listen. She never listens.

You hear her scream.

---

"Rose, this might be one of the stupidest things you've ever asked me to do, and I've done a lot of crazy things for you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's ridiculous. Because fortune telling is nothing but a bunch of old cons telling people shit they already know and want to hear someone else say."

"You only believe that because you've never heard an authentic fortuneteller at work."

"Fuck yeah, I haven't. Because fortunetelling isn't real."

---

"It's just as the cards said," Rose manages as you finally get her to calm down. You think you're safe, now - you think that it can't reach you there. Damn it, you hope you're right. You really do.

"Don't think about that," you say through gritted teeth. "We've gotta come up with a plan -"

"Transformation. Devils. Evil. Change." She's still got that reading stuck in her head. You can't seem to pry it out of her. "We made this happen, Dave. We made it come here."

"Rose. Damn it, look, Rose -"

She looks up at you with empty eyes. "I brought it here."

---

"Oh, dear. You're going to have a very dull life, with that attitude."

"Look, all I'm saying is if a bunch of cards could tell the future, everyone would be doing it by now, okay? We'd already know which countries were gonna start shit someday, which would be all of them, so we would've nuked each other out of existence by now. I don't even know why you think that's a good thing."

"It's not that simple, and stop pretending that you don't know otherwise. This isn't about that."

"So what's it about?"

"Guidance."

---

"I have to consult them again."

"What?" You grab her wrists - you don't want to hurt her, but you have to stop her from doing anything crazy. Again. "Rose, look, they got us into this mess, what makes you think they can get us out?"

"What makes you think that anything else can?" Below her tight mask of control lies barely-concealed panic.

"Look, sitting around and staring at your cards isn't going to help. We have to run -"

"There's nowhere to run, Dave - you saw the cards. Ten of Swords, inverted - he's coming for us. He'll find us wherever we go."

You shut up. How are you supposed to argue with her when she has an answer for everything you say? You can't stop her from pulling out that damned deck and shuffling the cards; all you can do is wait.

---

"Okay, wow. This is just a great fucking time all around."

"You're not the one interpretating this reading, Dave. You have no place to say."

"C'mon, so far we've got freaky devil guy, the grim reaper, and a shitload of swords. I can't see how this could possibly be a good thing, do you?"

"It's not meant to be taken literally. Death is a sign of change, and the Devil is the sign of bondage. The swords usually indicate a combative nature..."

"Rose? Hey, c'mon. Not funny."

"I wasn't joking. Didn't you hear something?"

"No, besides - wait. What was that?"

"..."

"...shit."

---

Rose isn't putting cards down carefully in a pattern this time, like she was before. She's shuffling wildly and throwing them down, and you see them land - a pair of lovers, a bunch of wands, a lady with a sceptre -

"Rose," you finally snap, grabbing her wrist. "Stop it. Please."

She looks up at you with frightened - and somehow mocking - eyes. "I can fix this," she starts.

You pull her in and kiss her. It's the only way you can think of to shut her up. "We've got to keep going," he says. "We'll be fine if we keep going. Everything will be fine."

She stares at you for a moment longer. "All right," she says, at last, and leans in to kiss you again, and it's weird but you keep doing it, because at least if she's kissing you she's not panicking. And it's weird, but somehow the running and being terrified and shit makes it better, and you're really getting into it.

She loses her balance, and you're too tangled up in her to catch you, and suddenly, you're falling.

"You're right, Dave," she says over the roaring. "Everything's going to be fine."

You black out before you hit the ground.

---

"What IS it? What is that thing?"

"I don't know! This is supposed to be symbolic, not literal -"

"Well, tell him that! Maybe he'll disappear if you tell him he's not real!"

"I don't understand -"

"Come on, Rose. We have to run!"

---

You aren't sure how you both survived that. You're somewhere in the darkness, and Rose is resting with you, her head in you lap, and it occurs to you that you have no idea where you are.

Whatever she did - whatever crazy plan she had - it worked. But now you're lost, completely fucking lost, and you haven't been able to find a way out.

Two nights ago, when she was asleep, you took the cards out of her pockets and buried the motherfuckers in the sand. You wonder if she's noticed yet.

You don't know. But you know it had to be done.

FILL: TEAM DIRK <3 JAKE

[puppetprince]

Confession: I don't think I'm actually skilled enough with words to pull off stream of consciousness at all. So this is a flailing sort of attempt to do it but it was pretty fun to try. Thanks for this prompt!

-----

"Caged like we were animals and when we were forced to take up the labyrinth we brought ourselves to the king
in hopes that we would be free soon" but they looked at them and whispered like the north wind in the tune of lies and he said we would do whatever it took to stay together and i made a promise as a gentleman. i would never break an oath to her never on purpose; her light shivering fingers on him were enough to keep him from pacing like they were animals. So he was thankful to her once again, for being his balance instead of his cage.

When they were on display for the people in front of stone walls growing into the sky, he apologized to her for they brought themselves onto the mercy of the gold touched king and did not find it. But his is a promise kept, he thought, one made in my sleep-talk, one made in my silent wanting heart. I will watch her i will keep her safe i will peel the skin of the bull with my nail with my teeth until it is good and right for her always.

They took them into the maze and her dress was red-stiff like a stone and light as the breath pushed from their lungs as they ran and ran. what did they run from? he cant think of anything other than

"Asterion oh where is that damned beast? Stay close jane stay close" so cliche but they would understand and they would flee from the lack of surprise, the knowledge of thrumming of teeth and hard feet like horse hooves on the path--they only wish they could run on four legs, so fast until they were free and far. be unlike they ever could.

there is blood on their skin from where the gold cut them when his highness cut her for her sweet smell; a lure, a sprinkling of sugar on a shelf.

"You watch now, Jake," the cakes and breads of a maid, her spoon on his silver tongue.

"They look absolutely lovely miss you know your--"

Her tender blood for the bait, it is too bright on her. He touched it with his lowest voice in worship and knew fatalism in his actions in all possible meanings. He thought to himself she was the finest dame. he sees a true goddess in her. Blasphemy be dammed.

Jake sometimes fancies himself a perfect gentleman and truth is: a lowly peasant in the city could still be a golden boy-king in his own right but not the one that would have their ratted corpses on display, proof of sacrifice, bring them into the court for the "good" of the people--for their sick cruel joy at watching the boy fall from the sky into the sun and sea and for the way they cried at the drawing of their death-laced names, "Please, not ours, don't let the names be ours."

the drowning of the winged boy was nothing like the present drowning of their bodies in the shadows of the prison he built. Calm your heart it is a running rabbit loud and fast in the field of veins it will call to it like a suitor. "I don't understand how it knows." "Please dont think of it at all run run run with me now"

There is luck and hope in the bend of the path, a small safety of a wall with fingernail claws writing out stories and a hollow "It's temporary, you know," quiet, soft in voice and skin. Hush i will protect the blue in your eyes i made a promise we will be together. Last and hide. gods if it can smell it on her...no. We will stay your colors will say life always "You keep me alive." six nights. seven days.

always

When they inevitably kissed their death and kissed each other, they welcomed the twists and turns of their prison into their young hearts and they

they were just like animals and against one-half, pressing their lips together a goodbye taste of pure sweetness put into a vessel unlike any they had known. A long-time frozen urge lost to fate, to another universe, lost in a maze and the swears, the oaths,

the promises, stuck in cold earth with the last of hope and life ravished by snarls and hazy incisors too big for its wide bull mouth,
but kept.

FILL: TEAM BRO<3JOHN

[brodacious]

jon
john
het john
I mean hey
haha
john i need u
to puck your phone up
and talk to me
john im dyung

sorry, i had to find my glasses, it’s like 1am!
oh shit, dave are you okay?

no john im not ok in so not ok

what’s wrong? are you hurt??? should i call the cops!? where are you????????

yes john i hurt so bas
rught
in the ducking
heart
stupid auto correct
are you bleeding? put pressure on it!

yrs john
im bleeding
bleeding emitibd
emotions
fucj I shoulda known
browarned me the about booze
he told me don

booze? wait, are you drunk dave? ugh, oh my god!

maybe
sonedrinkibf occurred

daaave, i can’t believe you’re drunk texting me. you know you’re only supposed to do that kind of asshattery to exes!

ha
ha
ha
i wisj
wait no i dont
neverninf

what? you’re not making any sense, big surprise! dude, i was asleep.

your always sleep
dyckubf snoozing in a comma
pull the plug no hope fot this one
that's what bro says
hes a dudche
ill stay by your bed john
ill visit you every goddanb day

haha, man you’re really wasted! you should have some coffee, a cold shower, and then sleep it off, in that order.

noi have thing to sat
john I lobeyou

pffff! yeah i lobe you too bro. best brobes for life!

no john
john lustin
your the grwtest thing
like dam
could there be a better dude
survey said fucj no

dave i have to go to sleep! dad wants me to help him do some serious yard work tomorrow and i have to be on my game.

john
ni john wait

turning my phone on silent now, goodnight! good luck with your hangover, hehehe.

dabmit john
cine back I need to feel at you
fuvkybfnumb motherfuvkt
im not pulling the plug dambut
goodnifht
live you
where' the little triangle bracket thing
tfat thing3

FILL: TEAM [DIRK<3EQUIUS]

[itsajustaway]

Dave Strider's cloneproduction disorder was one of a kind. There had been no other recordings of such thing happening, especially not for a mere human, which justified the fact that everyone who read their schoolfeed books knew about it.
How the clones usually offed themselves in one way or another was also widely known fact, something that puzzled people to no end. Some thought that they had had existential crisis, not that anyone had ever bothered to ask them. Why would you kill yourself if you were born in such a unique way?
And of course alpha Dave (as the original was called) would have to explain everytime he met new people what the deal with his really special clone was.
The one who didn't have anything common with him physically but face.
The one that was called Davesprite.

Now, were this planet any other, Davesprite would've been locked in cage and prodded with a stick. All kinds of tests would have been made and he would've gotten labeled as crudely as a monster. Why he got stared at wasn't because of him being various shades of orange, not having legs and sporting feathery wings on his back. Being part crow then? No, while he suspected it was part of why, it would be just hypocrite of them, as there were all kinds of furries, humanoids and robots roaming on the planet.

To them he was the fake Dave, clone of actual one and despite open mindness of the enviorment thanks to loads of different races around, artifical creatures were considered pretty much as second-class citizens. It was really unfair, something that made Davesprite grit his teeth, else the angry caws would come out uncontrollably. He had the same memories with alpha Dave prior to age of fifteen for god's sake. To the day Davesprite was born and then taken away to do some medical experiements on him. He was the real Dave. All of them were. So why wasn't anyone except the original able to see it?

And so there he was, techically 5 year old college student sliding/flying/levitating, most certainly not walking to the class he had in 40 minutes. His college was pretty sweet one, even if he was positive his career path wouldn't land him on any stable jobs. But hey, he could always make a nest on top of some building and hunt for leftovers for the rest of his life if it came to it. You had to think positively else you go insane. Clone or not, Davesprite felt that he had just as much right to have life as everyone else did. And besides, things had gotten a bit better for him since high school.
He didn't suffer from depression anymore, stuff like calling him fake didn't bother him, at least not much.
Now that he didn't speak to his (Dave's) best friends John, Jade or even Rose on daily basis he was good. Everything was just perfect.
Davesprite was snapped out of his musings when someone suddenly flashstepped in front of him, God fuck no not the puppets again , making his wings rise up reflexily out of startle.

”Sup man.”

Lowering them in slight embarrasment he forced out ”Hey.” in response, mentally adding 'needlessly scaring Daves' and 'fucking flashstepping' into the growing list of What does Dirk Strider have uncannily in common with Bro. They weren't even related, that much was for certain.

”I know we haven't talked much, but my Auto-Responder would like to have a chat with you today. Do you have any computers with you at the moment?” Dirk continued casually, expression carefully blank like Strider's should be.
Davesprite shrugged.

”Nah. Too much hassle.” It's not like I have anyone to pester anyway he added mentally. Then it sunk in and he raised his eyebrow. ”Wait, did you just say Auto-Responder?”

Dirk just nodded. ”I don't really talk about this stuff much, but you know, I lived in the middle of ocean over ten years. If I wanted to have conversations with someone, I needed to make myself that someone. So I programmed AR” he tapped the glasses on his face with a finger, ”Essentially he's me when I was thirteen thanks to some really complicated shit you non-technology majors can't get, but by now he has grown as person over the years the way only constantly running program can.” there was proud tone in his voice when he said that.
”Also, talking to him could have good effect on you, who knows.” he finished.

Ignoring Davesprite's question of what the hell he meant by that, Dirk took his hand and placed his glasses carefully on it. Orange eyes stared on Davesprite's own sunglasses covered ones for a while before new, identical shades appeared on his face with a snap.
So Dirk knew magic? Huh. He had strange career path for one with such ability.
Why wasn't he at wizarding school?

”Now you've become one of the five blessed ones who have seen Dirk Strider's eyes. Cherish this moment, for it shall not happen again.”

”Seriously, someone else than your friends has seen your eyes?”

”Not important. Anyway, you can have this computer for today, but I'll be expecting it back later. You can talk with him if you put glasses on. Later.”

”Yeah, later.”

And then he was off to..talk to that weird sweaty troll from his course?
Shrugging it off, Davesprite looked at the glasses on his hand and then quickly checked if anyone was around. Swiftly he replaced his round ones with triangular shades.
Immediately red text popped up in front of his eyes.

TT: Hello, Davesprite.
TT: What would you use to measure how human someone is?

Wow, this guy didn't beat much around bush.

---

While sitting on the rooftop and sipping on apple juice, Davesprite found himself really enjoying time spent conversing with AR. He hadn't gone to any of his lectures that day, but well, it wasn't like one day was going to count much. Besides, it was unimportant compared to the feeling of someone actually understanding what he felt like. Such thing hadn't happened before.

"How many people know that you exist?" crow human asked, taking another sip. He would need to get down of the roof soon, before dragons flew past and mistook him as food. Another reason the wings were stupid.

TT: Three, excluding Dirk. To others I'm just text that pops up and informs he is not present.

"What do they think of you then?" The response wasn't immediate this time.

TT: I get along best with Roxy. But when it comes to Jane and Jake
TT: They just want to talk to the real Dirk.

Davesprite frowned at the other students down below, waiting for continuation if there was any.

TT: I'm just glasses so obviously I can't feel anything close to actual emotion but.
TT: Wait why the hell am I bringing this up, let's talk about it someday if you're up to do this again, ok?

"Okay man. Just so you know, I'm all ears if you need someone to vent out your frustrations." he said, feelings of sympathy starting to take his mind in its grip.

TT: You want to have conversation with me again?

He almost snorted at that. Was AR surprised? "In case you haven't noticed, my social circle isn't something to brag about. By that I mean it's practically nonexistent and really sad to look at. You start feeling weird troll lovepity just by mentioning it." God, was he losing his edge? That metaphor was weak.

TT: Can't argue with that.
TT: The lovepity I mean.

Huh?
"Wait, what do you mean by that?"

TT: Oh hey look, Dirk has come to get me, add him on pesterchum and we'll talk later.

"No, seriously AR." It was too late, the red text was disappearing from the screen and fast. And surely enough, like AR said Dirk had appeared next to him out of blue.

"Had fun?" He asked, extending his hand with a knowing look on his face. Davesprite handed him the glasses, putting his own back on again.

"It was pretty interesting alright." he said, feeling calmer than he'd been in a while.

*****
eurgh, sorry, not enough fantasy, not enough college. But I tried. ;; Hope it somehow is able to satisfy?

Re: FILL: TEAM KARKAT <3 VRISKA

[sassy_gay_autoresponder]

ah, thank you! you're welcome, haha, autoresponder/roxy is one of my otps so it was fun to actually write something for it :D

Re: FILL: TEAM DAVE<3ROSE<3TEREZI

[puppetprince]

Omg this is perfect. Your style is fantastic & thank you so much for filling!

Re: FILL: Team Dave<3Karkatd

[puppetprince]

HOLY

wow i didnt think anyone as going to fill it but gosh that was amazing and you did really great job on Jake's voice!! thank you so so much i can't even get over how great and exciting this was to find

Re: FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<>ROSE

[cloudymew]

aaa omg omg thank you this is really perfect!! [and really cute in a weirdly endearing way *u*]

PROMPT: TEAM BRO<3DAVE

[candyredcoolkid]

dirk <> dave

technology + heist

FILL: TEAM [Bro<3John]

[llwy]

You first met Roxy Lalonde as a suspect for a case.

There was a burglary at her workplace, and, with the Midnight Crew running riot around the city, the sheer fact she was a Dersite was enough to place her under suspicion. You interviewed her thoroughly, and she stopped you, giggling, when you were halfway through citing the penalties for lying in this situation.

She left the police station an hour later, stumbling in her high heels, and you watched her go.

==>

You met her for the second time on the same night, in your favourite bar.

It was a run-down dive called The Smoking Gun, and you frequented it for the sole fact that the walls were adorned with antique weaponry. Nobody paid you a second glance, and that’s how you liked it. You spent most of your days being followed by stealthy glances by your co-workers, gossiping behind your back. Your unique and rather violent style of policing had earned you the nickname Aimless Renegade, and you tried not to care.

You were nursing a double whiskey, mulling over a new case, when someone dropped into the seat next to you.

It was her, again, the suspect from that morning. She smiled at you, exposing teeth like knives, and placed some kind of bright purple drink on the table. You tried not to stare, fascinated, at the way her chitinous outer layer segmented on her slender fingers.
“omg, you’re the guy from this morning! the one who was questioning me!” She slurred, and you thought to yourself that you’d never heard anyone actually say ‘oh em gee’ before.

“I’m an officer of the law, it’s my duty to interrogate suspects.”

She giggled at that, and mocked your speech by repeating ‘officer of the law’ in a low, haughty voice. You, full of righteous indignation that she would mock your profession, began passionately expounding on the virtues of the police force. She’s intoxicated, and keeps trying to offer you sips of her drink, which you are fairly sure is poisonous to humans, but this is the longest conversation you’ve had in months and you feel a genuine pang of disappointment when she tells you she has to leave.

At least, you do until she clumsily pecks you on the cheek and shoves a crumpled up piece of paper into one of your hands.

“here’s my number, call me maybe.” She grins at you, all drunken happiness and carnivorous teeth, and think that you’ll definitely be calling her. There’s no maybe about it.

Re: FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<3SOLLUX

[ephemeraldelusion]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU THIS IS SO CUTE. <3

FILL: TEAM JOHN<3VRISKA

[tehstripe]

Here you go! Hopefully this was something like what you had in mind, haha.

----

She enters your office on a grey, rainy day that’s just like all of the other grey rainy days in this city. Says she can help you get a lead on the murder of Kana- Miss Maryam. You don’t believe her, but you’re out of options, so you let her take the seat across from your desk anyways. You glance at the letter she sent you ahead of time – the handwriting’s terrible, borderline unreadable, but you get the message well enough.

“You read minds?” you ask.

“Yeah,” she says.

“You’re shitting me.”

“Am not!”

You lean forward and pinch the bridge of your nose. “Look Miss...”

“Pyrope.”

“Miss Pyrope. I don’t know what sort of fantasy world you live in, but this is the real world, and this is a real murder. This is not just some sort of playground for wigglers who shit in their diapers, and as much as I’d fucking love to have magic to solve this case-“

“It’s not magic!” she insists, and she leans forward with a toothy grin. “It’s just a sixth sense. Everybody has it; they just don’t know how to use it.”

You’re not buying it. “Oh yeah? And how come you figured it out?”

“Lose one sense, you make the rest stronger,” she explains, and she pushes her lenses down to show her eyes. You wince, despite yourself. Painful, blinding red.

You know that color well.

“Still doesn’t prove anything,” you say.

“Maybe not!” She leans back and pushes her glasses back up. “But you’re not proving anything in this case without me! I know you’re out of leads.”

“What, did you read my mind to get that?”

“No, just used logic. If you weren’t at wit’s end, you wouldn’t be talking to me right now. You’d be out there following those leads!” She leans forward again, smiling that shark-tooth smile, and you swear for a moment your heart stops beating. “I know you Karkat Vantas. You don’t stop until you get your man. I admire that in a troll! That’s why I’m here to help you apprehend the criminals.”

“Well you’re not exactly proving to me that you’re going to be much help.” You cross your arms and lean back in your chair, away from her.

“Very well! Then I should like to permit this evidence into the court...” and she takes a moment. You swear you god you can hear her sniffing. “You, Mister Vantas, knew the victim personally, which makes your feelings with this case personal! You blame yourself for not doing anything to stop it! Of course you think that I’m crazy and-” She takes another sniff. “Hm! Interesting blood color. I wonder if there’s even a place for it on the hemospectrum.”

Your mouth is dry and your eyes are wide. “How did you...” You don’t know how to finish the sentence.

She remains nonchalant. “I told you. I read minds. If you just let me talk to your list of suspects for a few minutes each, I’ll crack this before the sun goes up.”

You sigh and run a hand through your hair. You don’t know who this girl is. But- hell, you need a lucky break. Maybe some magic is just what you need.

“Well, Miss Pyrope, welcome to the case.”

FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA

[macca44552]

I... I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for. But have a pesterlog.
--------------

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CA: wwhat are you doin right noww
EB: hi eridan.
EB: uh...
EB: i was talking to dave, and before that we were
CA: dont care
CA: i havve to talk to you
EB: oh man, what is it this time?
CA: wwoww
CA: wwhat a awwful thing a you to say
CA: here i am lookin for some fuckin quality advvice in my time a need
CA: and youre actin like im nothin but a huge fuckin inconvvenience.
CA: fuck you john.
EB: ok seriously you need to calm down, dude.
EB: i wasn’t trying to say that you’re annoying or anything.
EB: even though you are kind of clingy.
CA: are you fuckin kiddin me
EB: all i’m saying is that you’re a guy with a lot of problems.
CA: knoww wwhat
CA: youre the shittiest piece a shit matesprit in the history a fuckin shitty matesprits.
CA: an thats a long fuckin history let me tell you
EB: does that history include you?
CA: ...
CA: ok fuck this.
EB: eridan, it was a joke!

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: aw man.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: oh hey!
CA: are you ready to fuckin listen noww
EB: uh yeah i guess.
EB: you weren’t exactly gone long!

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: wait!!!!!!!!!!
EB: oh my god, eridan.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

EB: ok i’m sorry.
EB: i’ll listen, i swear!
EB: what did you want to talk about?
CA: yeah
CA: i kneww you wwould come around evventually
EB: ugh
CA: ok ok
CA: no need to fuckin get impatient god john
CA: anywway
CA: somethin awwful happened to me today
EB: what?
CA: you knoww that ring that I wwear on my left middle finger
EB: sure
CA: wwhat do you mean sure
CA: do you or dont you knoww the ring its a simple fuckin question
EB: oh my god, eridan!
EB: look i don’t memorize your rings, alright?
EB: but for the sake of getting to the fucking point, then yes. yes i know what you’re talking about.
EB: what about it?
CA: its missing
EB: you lost it?
CA: no i didnt fuckin lose it you stupid piece a shit
EB: ok jeez!
EB: erm
EB: did you try retracing your steps? that’s what always works for me.
EB: oh man, this one time i lost one of my dad’s notes that he left for me.
EB: i told you about those, right? i think so.
EB: well i lost it and i looked everywhere for it because me and dave were kind of joking around about it and i wanted to get exact quotes.
EB: it took me forever but i finally found it behind my bed and guess what?
CA: no
EB: my dad left me another note on top of the last one! it said something like ‘son, if you’re reading this then you found the missing note! you are an intelligent young man and i am so proud of you.’
EB: hahahahaha, i miss him.
CA: wwell okay
CA: i wwas about to yell at you for interruptin my personal crisis wwith your pointless story
CA: but i can see that youre havvin some emotional feelins about your human lusus so ill refrain from sayin anythin negativve
CA: ill just say im sorry
EB: thanks eridan!
CA: yeah
CA: but wwe really should get back to my problem
CA: namely because i think someone stole it
EB: your ring?
CA: wwhat the fuck else god are you evven payin attention
EB: why would anyone steal it?
CA: its a priceless artifact a troll culture plundered from the treasured depths by my fuckin swweet hand
CA: wwho wwouldnt wwant to be stealin it is the better question
EB: ok, uh
EB: but i’m still not sure what the problem is?
EB: don’t you have like tons of rings already?
CA: that doesnt fuckin matter
CA: i wwant that one its the first ring i evver found
CA: ivve got all kinds a sentimental attachments to it that i doubt you wwould evver understand
CA: it fuckin sucks john
EB: oh man
EB: i’m really, really sorry. i know all about dudes and their attachments, believe me.
EB: are you sure you looked everywhere?
CA: wwould i be fuckin sitting here cryin if i didnt
CA: god you are just awwful at makin me feel better
EB: ok ok!!!
EB: look i don’t know what to say. i’m trying here!
EB: there’s not much else i can do to make you feel better outside of getting you a new ring!
EB: ...
EB: eridan?

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: siiiiiiiigh!

The next time you see him you shove a ring in his hand and walk away.

PROMPT: TEAM BRO<3DAVE

[candyredcoolkid]

roxy <> dirk

being each others beard (so that they can hit on chicks and guys without appearing suspicious) + comedy

FILL: TEAM John<>Vriska

[jesscookie]

Ok I already did this ship, BUT THIS PROMPT IS DOWNRIGHT PERFECT
Robots and dragons aren't really my forte, but aaaaaa

FILL: TEAM KARKAT <3 NEPETA

[slippy]

3 minutes
One of the boys woke up yelling, loud enough that the other two trolls woke too. They moved apart instantly and then sat and studied the room. And each other, but they tried not to be obvious about it.


5 minutes
Footfalls echoed in the bare stone and metal of the room, accounting for most of the noise. They investigated the walls and floors in search of an exit as quietly as possible, except when one of the boys struck out hard a few times, kicking and punching at the wall's metal sheeting. They still kept careful, constant track of each other.

"This is probably silly," said the girl, and stopped poking at rivets in her third of the room. "I doubt we are the ones we have to watch out for." A little taller than the boy with nearly no horns, a little shorter than the one with the curved horns, skinnier and more wiry than both, she stood with similar confidence. None of them could totally hide their wariness, though.

"We're alone and we woke up at the same time. Thanks for that, Nubby." He pulled a face that made her grin, and then patted his horns as if confirming their shape.

"And now I'm going to come closer," she said. "I have a suspicion. This will be a bit weird!"

The other two looked suspicious, but didn't protest. Nubby tensed as she approached him and definitely appreciated that she stopped a few metres away. She leaned forwards to sniff in his direction.

His mouth quirked in amusement. "Yeah, yeah it is fucking weird," he said.

"Now you, Clown!" she said, turning. He held himself high with aggression, teeth baring as she walked over, but deigned to hold himself back.

"If you really motherfucking must, Spikes." He sniffed at her too. "What do you get from this? I can't pick up any kind of ... seasonal thing, even with us being half-naked."

"Oh, god, don't even intimate that!" Nubby backed up a few paces, arms tight around his torso.

"I agree, there's no hint of pheromones," Spikes said. "Whoever locked us in could have taken our shirts so that we couldn't identify ourselves by sign... I'm doing this because I have reason to believe that my sense of smell is unusually accurate. And as I thought, there's some of my scent on you, and yours on me," she said, pointing to Nubby. "We must have known each other at least a bit." She turned back to the clown. "You and Nubby also have traces of each other's scents, so there was a connection there too. But there's a twist, Clown: There's no such olfactory exchange between the two of us!"

Clown held himself even taller, shifting his weight from one foot to the other - not yet leaping towards her but so ready for the fight. All teeth, he snarled, "Guess we didn't used to like each other all too motherfucking much."

Spikes beamed and put out her hand. "So let's not!"

He stared. "As in let's not what?"

"Let's not like each other, actively. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"

Clown, still staring, seemed to have a dawning certainty that hers was the most unlikely hand that could ever be. "Straight-up. Serious. No fronting," he said, as if ticking each one off a list.

"What the fuck?" Nubby contributed.

The way Clown shifted his weight was self-conscious now. "And ... not like I've got a thing to be scared of, right? Twig like you..."

"Maybe I have fistkind." Spikes wriggled her fingers. "Or a specialisation in pinkiekind, most feared and renowned of all!" A giggle sneaked out of him, partly in pure surprise; she thrust her hand out further and he grabbed and pumped it.

Then he almost threw her to the floor.


20 minutes
"Seriously? Best hatefriends, and maybe you've literally known each other for fifteen minutes. And what is with the barkbeast method of bonding! Any more sniffing and it'll be the definitive clue that we're in here for being softsponge cullbait. So of course I'm staring, even if we SHOULD be focusing on escaping, god knows I should be trying to bring the focus back to that—"

Clown growled. "Which is what we've been saying since we up and stopped the roughhousing, if you'd fucking shut it and listen."

Spikes cleared her throat. "To be fair, we did get carried away with the grappling. I don't even really blame you for all the staring, Nubby."

"Fucking fair is how we both got a way better idea of each other than anything what we've got on this nubbed-down motherfucker." Clown sneered. "We showed each other some serious moves. You stand there."

"Because I'm saner - not hard - due to being pretty sure you don't treat friendship like something you pick out of a catalogue..." Nubby wound down and put up his hands, rolling his eyes. "But all right, it's your prerogative, I guess," he said, tucking his hands back under crossed arms. "It just looks deeply stupid from where I'm standing."

Clown looked even more set to grab him by the neck. "So far a-fucking-way."

"Friendship isn't contagious, nookstain. It doesn't make a fucking difference where I stand."

"But remember!" Spikes said. "My theory is that you and I, and you and Clown, were at least acquaintances. Nubs," she said, hand-on-heart wounded. There was a bite mark in teal on her hand, and Clown licked his teeth. "Nubbity Nub-a-Nub-Nub. You don't think we could once have hung out?"

"Sure, all right, maybe," Nubby said, eyes rolling away again, "Maybe I was always hanging around you wondering, hey, how far is this blind-ass insaniac from being culled tonight?" — And then his face transformed, as guilty as he had been irritable.

"He's the one who's not supposed to like me!" Spikes pointed to the clown - finger nearly going into one of his eyes, conscientiously, so he flinched. "Don't be rude."

"No, no offense, seriously. That sounded bad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply I want you dead." He took his first step closer. "But ... your eyes. Sorry. I couldn't help noticing."

"I wasn't going to say nothing," Clown began smugly, and she gave him a curious look and said, "Well, that's pretty dumb!"

"Oh all right, no sympathies." He smiled, clapping her on the back. "So what's up with those two garbage globes stuck up your nug, and meanwhile you're still noticing fucking everything but the fact you've got such clear chunks of uselessness all of your own?"

"Dude! Holy shit, no." Nubby strode over, all horror, like the girl might need it.

Spikes rolled her shoulders elaborately as if to shrug the words off, then leaned over and licked the clown from shoulder to jaw.


27 minutes and 9 seconds is 17 minutes 2 seconds more than my incredibly educated guess for when that would happen
real proof terezis mind isnt all there atm
"That was one part to irritate you, and one part demonstration. I can see using my senses of taste and smell," Spikes said. "Really! I know it sounds ridiculous. When I woke up I could see my own face as clear as anything else in the room ... it took a minute to remember how to ignore my immediate scent to focus on other things."

"In my neck!" Clown said. He kept wriggling like he'd had an intensely private experience with an electric socket.

"Don't be a big wiggler about it."

"Wow, fucking wow. And you also expect us to believe you just took a detailed count of his neckspores?" Nubby looked her over, arms still around himself, making him a tight, self-focused hub even while closer to them. He did not, however, sound that disbelieving. "It's ridiculous. Except..." He did some sniffing. "Shit, you're both right. We have rubbed off on each other at some point. And you smelled that from all the way across the room, and it's obvious you..." He ground to a stop. "Uh."

Spikes raised an eyebrow.

"Can't see," he said, nearly more gentle than was polite. "So I believe you? That's, uh. I guess that's a cool way to get around culling. Points for style." The smile was already an apology, but he added anyway, "Sorry for making a big deal of it in the first place."

"As well you should be!" Spikes said. It fell flat when he backed off again, looking away.

"Damn, brother, she is playing. Look at her, how do you even take her seriously?" The clown jumped straight back onto the heights of aggravation. "Is your plan to be one big old cringe forever?"

"Hey, as previously established, you two dislike each other, not me. I'm just..." Another step away, hands more firmly pressed under his elbows. Clown bristled more.

"Cold," he snapped.

Nubby cocked an eyebrow, then shrugged. Yeah, so? Clown looked righteously enraged - then rattled - then angry again.

"So get something about it out from between your stubby little teeth, you fucking genius," Clown said, grabbed him, and rubbed vigorously over his bare back.


40 minutes in and bullshit approaches at light speed
"Fucking quit it! I told you I'm the sane one!" Nubby said.

"I up and told you that Deadeye's on to a good thing," Clown began, and growled as she tacked on, "I'm going on the assumption that I'm clever too. It feels right!"

Nubby stopped pushing away in order to laugh, probably because he was still a little stunned, and the hand on his back started rubbing again. "She gave me her hand," Clown told him, "and you might as well take mine. We know you and me even used to share space. We could it again."

"It's weird. Is all I'm saying," he said, and stopped trying to back away. "Really weird. Thanks. Are you serious? Oh my god." A study in awkwardness, he raised a hand to hide his blush on one side; the other was covered by how close he was to Clown.

"You could make your quadrant official," said Spikes, watching with blatant fascination. "Perhaps our captors will come to conduct a proper moirallegiance bonding, and it will open an avenue for escape!"

"She's playing," Clown provided. "And she's the one all propositioning people mouth-to-nugstem, so I don't see as where she has a leg to stand on."

"Yeah, neither do we. Half-naked ... fucking pettings, I told you that's. That's pretty fucking weird."

"Hardly a proposition," Spikes said to Clown, nose in the air. "Simply a rebuttal from the poor blind girl you so callously denigrated."

"Oh - oh yeah, poor you!" Nubby started snickering again. "Best one yet, Spikes."

"God damn, try harder not to laugh at every fucking joke she's got," Clown said. The rhythm of his hand stayed slow, constant. Nubby's head kept dipping, nearly resting on his shoulder.

"Ooh, am I making the clown jealous," Spikes said with relish. "Afraid of the official score in this mirth-off? And don't think the implied compliment slipped me by, Nubby! You think so highly of my capabilities already?"

"Not playing," Clown said, and it was a clear hit. The girl's right leg twitched visibly in effort not to kick him.

"Can I plead innocence?" Nubby said. "Or inability to think when getting backrubs?" And then he held out his hand. "Also, hey, it's the trend for the night. Let's ... be friends?"

"I don't know about that," Spikes said loftily, and placed her palm on top of his. "You're awfully sweet."


1 hour 2 minutes is clearly time for an intervention
A heavy spanner appeared a few centimetres off the floor and fell with a quiet ringing on the stone floor.

"Sarsaparilla fizz," Spikes said. "I feel patronised."

"Is that how patronisation or appearification is up and being flavoured?" Clown said, interested.

Nubby started untangling himself from their three-person slow-motion crash to stand up. "Not relevant! We can use that thing to get out!" He wriggled a hand loose to flap at Spikes as she made a noise. "I know, I know, if they're tossing it at us it's probably no fucking use for getting out, but there might be clues for how it got in here, or at least where it came from."

"Clown," said Spikes, scooting even closer, "I call cahoots." She squeezed her side up against Nubby, her back against one of Clown's legs and her own legs slung over his other thigh.

"All right, I can take swinging a little trust at you." Clown wrapped his arms tighter around the other boy, leaving Nubby well and truly stuck. "My feel on the matter's also how there's other important shit to be up and sorting out."

"This makes no sense," Nubby said, quiet as he tried to wish away a rising blush. "Agreeing to work together would be one thing. A sensible thing in these fucked-up circumstances. But acting like, like we have sorted out anything to do with quadrants, it counts as a critically acclaimed performance art rendition of utter absurdist fluttery fairyshit non. Sense."

"I up and love making no sense. Making no sense loves me the motherfuck back." Clown spoke in a low thrum, chin on Nubby's shoulder, and made Spikes gasp as he dug his fingers into her thigh.

"And I have to wonder," she said, reaching round Nubby to skitter fingers across Clown's face, along the three scars. "I have to wonder how well we knew each other, after all, even if it was briefly. It's worth investigating!" Her grin slashed across her face as Clown patted at his face the way they'd all patted their horns in the beginning, only halfway-remembering their own appearances.

Re: FILL: TEAM KARKAT <3 NEPETA

[slippy]

hell fucking no o clock
"That's what the motherfucker meant by being sweet, I'm thinking."

"No. No, this is pretty impolite," said Nubs, hand slipping further down the back of Spikes's trousers. "On the other hand, Spikes, you're. Ill-mannered as fuck." Clown's hand came in on top of his and pushed them both deeper down. "You're worse! Holy shit!"

"Boorish! Uncouth! A disgrace!" She breathed in fits and starts for a second, fingers stilling on the juncture of Nubby's trousers. She leaned forwards to gnaw at Clown's lips, and pulled away slowly to press her mouth to Nubby's - and he turned aside.

"Again! Will I have to call cahoots?" Spikes said ominously. It made Clown nuzzle into his hair and murmur, "You don't want to see how soft she can up and get? Do me a favour, Nubby, I wanna fucking see..."

"It's just." He rolled his head back out of the way, looking at the ceiling. "First kiss. You know. We're - okay, we're doing this, we're making an effort with it. I am on board with that, but, I feel like ... it's like a first kiss. And it's just because I can't remember, but still, it feels like... You know. I'm sorry, it's just..."

"Oh my god!" Her shriek made them flinch, and then the echoes managed to make them do it again. "I know why you, at least, are locked in here. You clearly can't be allowed outside on your own!"

He sighed. "Probably."

She kissed him on the cheek. With great passion and also tongue - but on the cheek. "I thought I was taking a chance, trying to make friends in a cage. But you!"

"And me. I started up on you, didn't I, Nubs, taking note of you all cold and too dumb to deal with it." Clown stroked his hair.

"We really should try to find a way out." Nubby put an arm around Spikes's neck and pressed a kiss to her cheek too, and took Clown's hand. "And for just now I could not give a fuck about it. We'll drag each other out of here soon enough, all right? Each one of us. And turn these into real relationships at every last second of our fucking leisure."


seriously
seriously
seriously
seriously
Quite reasonably seriously, I think.
Wow
Mission abort, said the sound system. Holy shit, there's a trap door in the ceiling, stop the ménage a crotchhop.

A rope ladder unrolled from the door. The trio conferred in hasty undertone before they broke away from each other and put their clothing in order. Clown was the first to go up - there was a more lemony fizz this time, and then Clown distinctly said 'Whoa' before there was a heavy thump. The other two went up as close together as possible.

*

This time Karkat was the last to wake up.

"I TOLD YOU SO," he said. "Quadrants ARE the fucking BASIS of ... all of society ... first instinct of any troll! I KNEW IT. Even if all else is stripped away, we still, we would try to make—" He passed out again.

"At least we know the computer successfully restored his memories too. Or at least the ones he'd consider most important," said Rose. "I don't know if anyone has ever lost a bet as thoroughly as you, Dave."

"I can make it on a technicality," Dave said hollowly. "Karkat's terms were that any trolls would get something solid defined within an hour, even if it was 'hell no, we won't go near each other in any way, shape, or card suite'. And even with the clown sneaking in and messing up the expected set-up, they all only started getting serious at about five minutes into the first hour."

He looked to Terezi and shook his head, waiting for some murder-lawyer crack about technicalities. She smiled back so dreamily it felt awkward, and the Mayor took her hand and patted it with a vaguely worried air.

"Maybe you shouldn't have offered Karkat the no-shirt advantage to stimulate ideas of romance," Rose said, far, far too late, and handed Gamzee and Terezi their clothes.

When Karkat woke next they were all in the computer lab. He was laid out on some of the towels still scattered around the meteor complex, and Gamzee sat beside him.

Karkat rolled up into the hug that came at him. "Got your back. Whenever I can get to you, brother," Gamzee said, and Karkat murmured nonsense back. They hadn't even really remembered each other. It still turned out all right. "Bro, be assured..."

"Touching. But a little boring, don't you think?"

Gamzee craned his head around to look at Terezi, while Karkat first took the time to work up a blush.

She was aiming to look cool: she'd re-equipped her cane, which was out as prop of choice as she stood grinning, all poise. "Everyone already knew about this particularly quadrant fill. Mine, on the other hand, are new and exciting territory!"

Again, Karkat was slow, whereas Gamzee unfolded from his crouch and walked over to grab her hand over the hilt of her weapon and bite a kiss out with her.

"Well! I certainly feel welcomed to the Dark Carnival." Her voice had wavered noticeably, but she ignored it. She straightened, solemn, facing Gamzee with her nose up-tilted in a show of focus and her free hand on his shoulder. "I am Terezi Pyrope," she said. "I am this tall. And I wish to ride this ride."

"Oh my GOD," said Dave.

"Well, shit yeah, consider that motherfucking proposal stamped and signed all up in triplicate. You gonna get a new motherfucking theme anytime soon, sister? This lawyer thing makes me sound fucking dumb."

"Oh my god!" said Dave, and elbowed Rose. It was hard to tell if she was snort-laughing harder because of him or Gamzee.

"What were you even doing, joining the experiment," Kanaya said with no interest whatsoever in the answer.

"I'm not going to be letting my bro decide to go and forget everything without me," Gamzee said. "Can't stop a motherfucker doing what he has to. Can't let him do it alone."

"How did you even hear us discussing the bet at all," she said with considerably more interest, fangs gleaming.

"Kanaya, not now!" Terezi made an expressive face at her. "I am doing big pimping."

"Then at least you haven't forgotten all my lessons," Dave said. "Although you still fail the course for making fucking total bullshit be a thing that happened. I could've won the bet free and clear, you bad student, no biscuit."

"The bullshit is not as total as it potentially could be," said Karkat. He took a hesitant step, then squared his shoulders and went to stand in front of her.

"It already means a lot that you agreed to this stupid fucking experiment in the first place. I know that was like - a sign, that you were even willing to consider a quadrant with me, and ... that's more than I deserve. But I'd still like to try. To suppress my insecurities about what it means that we only get along when our minds have been wiped clean, apparently, and just not to be so shitty, and to be matesprits."

She kissed him on the cheek. "I would like to someday get wild and go all the way," she said. "I mean it. No kidding."

"True!" said Gamzee, and grabbed both of them. "She sets no alarms ringing, best friend, or none that are for you to up and worry about."

"But I do," said Karkat, and wriggled his head free of the crush. "You two - okay, look, you have literally not been around each other more than one hour for seasons. I'm not going to argue with whatever serendipity we managed to squeeze out of a quick mindwipe. You just have to take this kismesissitude seriously, all right? It's not a game!"

"Sure it is," said Gamzee, looking from him to Terezi. "Don't see why not." And Terezi stared back at him with bare-toothed delight, chugging a hehehe out of the base of her stomach, the laugh so unguarded that even she looked embarrassed.

"It has been a long trip. Who couldn't do with a bit of fun?" she said, and Gamzee nodded back to her, smiling, watchful.

"You have made a parody of your whole species. I hope you're happy," Dave said, and held out a fist because the answer was obvious. They bunped.

FILL: TEAM JADE<3JOHN<3KARKAT

[zoamh]

I was planning to do something more Bad Wolf when I bookmarked this, but then my moirail mentioned Battle Royale/Hunger Games and suddenly this happened. I'm not sure how survival horrory these scenes are, but this worldbuilt itself into something way too huge for a bonus fill while I wasn't paying attention, and I'm definitely planning to give this a proper go and finish it up after the HSO ends. Uh, hope you like this.

---

"Harley," Dave calls, trudging after his companion. He curses as his feet snag on roots in the swampy, thick underbrush that threaten to trip him up with every step. His shoes are heavy and waterlogged, and he can feel the dampness seeping up his pants legs to unite with the sweat streaming down his face in what will undoubtedly be a very touching moment. He finds his hand flitting periodically to the knife at his belt, almost rhythmically. Now up to brush the hair out of his face, then back to the belt, just to make sure it's still there. He misses his swordkind strife specibus.

Jade Harley plows relentlessly ahead of him.

"Goddamn it Harley," Dave snaps. "This compassion schtick is great and all, don't get me wrong, but we're not adopting the crippled kid."

"I think it was just over this ridge," Jade calls back blithely. "At the very least, we can try to get a decent view from up higher."

The marshy ground opens up into a deep pond ahead of them. Jade hikes her skirt up around her waist, skipping easily from stone to stone across it. Dave rolls his eyes and follows more slowly. The rocks are smooth and wet, and slippery under his feet.

"Well, that's just what we fucking need, isn't it?" he snaps, windmilling his arms for balance as his foot slips out from underneath him. "Enjoy the scenic vistas of Hellmurder Island! Wish you were here!" Jade rolls her eyes and catches his hand as he hops to the next stone, pulling him back onto somewhat-solid ground.

"Hellmurder Island is the number one travel destination on Trial fucking Planet, as made popular by the hit reality television show. Check your TV guide for local listings. Tourists flock to the gristly scene like mice to a mousetrap spiked with gouda and cocaine to photobomb the vacation photos of a family of Asian cockroaches with their fat rodent asses and fake orange tans."

Jade actually giggles, and Dave allows a brief smile at that small victory. "The mice have fake tans?"

"The metaphor got away from me a little. The point is... the point got away from me a little, too, but the point is this fucking blows."

"It's not that bad," Jade muses, pausing as they reach the top of the ridge and rolling her shoulders.

"Not that bad? Look at this face. This is my unamused face." Dave crosses his arms for emphasis.

Jade tosses a look at him over her shoulder. "It looks the same as every other face you make," she says. "I'm going to climb this tree now."

"You do remember we're in the middle of a brutal deathmatch being broadcast on live television, right?" Dave asks, peering up to watch as she hoists herself up.

"Don't look up my skirt," she warns, sticking her tongue out at him. "I know, but we haven't seen anyone since we landed, and barely any dangerous fauna."

"So that ginormous diseased rat that tried to eat my face off right after we landed was-"

"Barely any! I don't know, it's just not that bad! Kinda reminds me of home."

Right, Dave thinks with a sigh, leaning back against the trunk of the tree now that Jade is fully obscured by the foliage. His only ally is officially batshit crazy. He could not have possibly known this when he met her on the ship. A camera droid flies out from behind a bush with a high-pitched hum to zoom in on his face, and he bats it away irritably. It dodges the blow, righting itself quickly at a slightly further distance.

"Dave!," Jade calls down, "I see a 'chute and I think it's Tavros! Let's go get him!"

"Great," Dave deadpans.

---

They find the troll still stuck in the tree where he landed.

"Could, uh, could you please try to make it quick when you kill me?" he calls down. Dave's not sure, but from what he can see of the troll through the branches he might be hanging upside down.

"Don't be silly, Tavros, it's Jade!" Jade climbs up into the tree to cut away the parachute cords pinning him to the branches. "We allied on the transport ship, remember?"

"Oh, I thought you were, uh, maybe not entirely serious about that."

Dave coils the lengths of cord as Jade tosses them loose, half-listening to Jade and the troll chatting inanely. Jade is speaking in what is clearly meant to be a soothing tone.

"Help me get him down," she calls, and then shrieks.

Dave tenses and draws his knife. He can't make out what the hell is going on up there. "Jesus, Jade, what's wrong?"

"Oh my god you have metal legs!" Jade babbles in a high-pitched squeak of excitement. "Those are so coooool! I didn't think you had these on the ship, though? How did you get them, oh my god!"

Dave pounds his forehead against the tree trunk. "Christ, Jade, don't scream unless it's an emergency, okay?"

"Dave, look at these! They are so cool!"

"They, uh, don't seem to be made for this much moisture," Tavros says, when they finally manhandle him down onto the ground and Jade stops cooing over him long enough that he can speak. "I can't move them very well."

Jade hmms over that, sitting down on the ground next to him and manhandling his legs about while she looks at them.

"So how'd you get your hands on those fancy cyborg legs in the first place?" Dave asks. "Last we saw you, you were in a wheelchair."

"Oh, uh, um," Tavros stammers. "I have a, uh, I guess your word for it is friend? She got a few of her friends in to see me before we got here."

Dave frowns. "People can do that?"

"She, uh, I guess she has connections."

"These are fully prosthetic, aren't they?" Jade asks.

"Yeah there, uh, there might have been a chainsaw involved. That was definitely a thing that happened."

---

Dave takes back every single bad thing he ever thought about Tavros after he stops a cholerbear dead in its tracks mid-charge. It's a monstrous son of a bitch that looks like a bear and a great white shark did the horizontal can-can and then neglected to take their horrible bastard offspring to the orthodontist, never mind they had no need to fear the schoolyard bullies ostracizing the kid for its unfortunate headgear because it would have ripped their arms out of their sockets long before it got to that point. It undoubtedly got kicked off the tee-ball team in preschool for abusing steroids and Dave is aware, on some level, that he is, in fact, hysterical. He can feel the beast's breath on his face, so hot it almost feels sticky, and reeking like a dead fish that's been flushed down a toilet and then regurgitated onto his face.

"Dave!" Jade shrieks, and Tavros is also saying something, but Dave can't hear it over the sound of his blood pounding in his ears as the cholerbear lies down and curls up on the ground in front of him.

Jade yells his name again and before Dave can locate her she's on top of him, squeezing him tightly. "Oh my god," she says, "I thought it was going to eat you!" Dave takes a moment to breathe in deeply, strands of her hair shoved up his nostrils, before he can move enough to pull away.

"Chill, Jade, my hot Strider ass is all in one fine piece," he says, looking around for where he dropped his knife.

Jade pinches his arm, hard. ("Ow!")

"Don't you dare almost get eaten again!"

Dave retrieves his knife and shoves it back in his belt. "What the hell was that, anyway?" he says to no one in particular. A second later, he realizes he probably should have addressed the question to Tavros, who is kneeling next to the cholerbear and scratching it idly between the ears.

"I can, uh, commune with animals," he says, looking sheepish. "Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier."

---

"All done!" Jade announces, squeezing her body into the small space on the ground between Dave and Tavros. "The whole area is rigged, so nothing should be able to approach without us noticing. Just in case, I'll take first watch." She drops a heap of junk onto the ground in front of her, grabbing a branch and shaving away at it with her knife.

"What are you doing there?" Tavros asks.

"Making a crossbow!" Jade says cheerfully.

"How do you know all of this stuff about booby traps and crossbows and robotic prostheses anyway?" Dave asks.

Jade hums under her breath. "I told you my grandpa and I grew up alone on an island, right?" she asks. Dave nods. "Okay, well, that's basically why. We trapped and hunted and foraged for most of our own food. My grandpa was, is, a really big gun nut, but he taught me about all kinds of weaponry."

"That doesn't explain the whole roboleg whisperer thing you've got going on though."

"Well, we got way more rations than we should have through plane drops. Not just extra food, but weapons and circuitry and mechanical components. My grandpa even built me my own robot. He-" Jade turns and fixes her bright earnest eyes on Dave. "I think he was part of the resistance, Dave!" she chirps excitedly. "That must have been what was going mmf-"

Dave cuts her off with a hand over her mouth, looking around anxiously for any camera droids lurking in the bushes. "Jesus, Jade," he says. "If he was, you can't just go around saying stuff like that."

Jade shoves his hand away. "Even if they didn't know by now, which I'm sure they did, knowing isn't going to change anything. He's been away for a long time. They're not going to be able to find him through me!"

She glares at him, and Dave slumps back down to a half-sitting position. "Fair enough."

"He didn't tell me anything anyway, god!"

"All right then."

Jade resumes work on her crossbow, elbowing him in the side as she does so, possibly on purpose. "I guess eventually they figured out we'd been living off the grid and I got airlifted out here," she finishes. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Dave asks.

"Why'd they stick you out here?"

Dave shrugs a shoulder. "My bro disappeared for a few days, no big." He traces a finger over the handle of the knife at his belt. He's been trying to avoid thinking about this since it happened. "Next thing I know they knock down the door and drag me off. Dunno if they thought I was living alone and in violation of housing ordinances or what."

When he looks over at Jade, she's staring at him with big round eyes.

"What?"

"Do you think he could have been a member of the resistance, too, Dave?" she asks. "I've been thinking about this and it just doesn't make sense to throw a bunch of random kids onto a death planet! There has to be something else going on."

"What, no!" Dave says. "No, he's just - he's a cool dude and an awesome DJ and pretty good at strifing but, no, he's not like... he's not underground resistance material."

Jade furrows her brow at him, clearly unconvinced.

"Anyway, no, trolls don't need an ulterior motive to watch kids die on live television. They love this sort of stuff. Back me up here Tavros." He reaches across Jade to poke the troll.

"Oh, uh, yeah, that sounds about right, for trolls, I guess."

"Don't you ever watch TV? It's just not entertainment unless someone dies a brutal gory death, and I'm not just talking about their shitty soap operas."

"We didn't have TV!"

Dave gapes. "You had your own robot, but no television."

"Nope! We had a radio though." She wrinkles her nose. "Did you actually watch this?"

"Well, I caught it on every once in a while. It's usually a lot bloodier than this. Like the cholerbear thing, only all the time, and without the part where Tavros saved our asses at the end."

"So they all get eaten by animals mostly?"

"That or the poison plants get them. Or they fight each other to the death."

Jade squeaks, approaching dog-whistle frequency. Dave pokes her. "Volume."

"Sorry! I guess I figured that much out, but... I still don't get it! Why would they kill each other?"

"Because if things get too boring they send in the drones and everyone dies horrible deaths. Plus, some aliens like killing things and, I guess - I mean, you met some of them - sometimes if you're the last one left standing before they drop in a new group, they'll airlift you off the planet and presumably not kill you after doing so. I don't know, they're kind of vague about that last part."

"Well, I don't want to kill anybody."

"If they attack you, you may not have a choice in that."

Jade pokes him in the side, hard. "We're not killing anybody. So that silarian we found..."

"The one that had been stabbed so many times he looked like a block of swiss cheese? Yeah, par for the course. Surprised we haven't seen more of that. It's kinda eerie, actually."

Jade huffs out a loud breath of air. "What about you, Tavros?"

Dave laughs. "What?" Jade snaps.

"He's a cripple, what do you think he's doing here?"

"Yeah, uh, that's definitely- I mean, I'm not sure why they didn't just send a drone to my hive to cull me, like they normally would, when their records were updated after my, uh, injury, but I guess, they had, uh, different plans, this time."

"Well," Jade says. "Go to sleep. You," and Jade rounds on Dave and points a finger in his face, "get next watch, so actually fucking sleep, okay?

"And don't worry," she says, more cheerfully. "I'll protect both of you."

Dave stares at her.

"Okay, we'll all protect each other, and I'll make sure we make it to the end alive, and then we'll get the hell out of here! Now, sleep."

Dave shrugs. "Whatever you say." On Jade's other side, Tavros shifts around, trying to find a spot to lay down with those ridiculously large horns. Dave slides down so he's lying on the ground. It's cold and a bit damp, even though the parachute fabric they laid out on the ground. Jade Harley though, bless her, is radiating heat like a space heater, and Dave quickly - reluctantly, but quickly - drifts off to sleep.

Re: FILL: TEAM Aradia<>Dave

[megaparsecs]

perfect.

FILL: TEAM Eridan <3< Vriska

[myrrh_darkwing]

((Last fill of the round for me! ... ugh, I'm sorry.))


Feferi has alwaves wanted to be a ballerina, ever since she came upon the ‘strange human concept’ that was so unlike the Alternian comballet. She was quite skilled at the dancing fights of comballet, and she was a princess, so naturally (anything a human could do she could do) she should be good at this, right? Of course right.

It’s true, too, that she’s a beautiful dancer. All graceful and elegant, a vision clad in a tight leotard-skirt combination of tyrian purple, she spins across the dance floor in the beautifully vicious moves of one of the comballet forms. She spins and spins and spins, wildly exuberantly gleeful, and Rose watches dispassionately all the while, that little smile on her face. She likes seeing her matesprit so happy, for with all the burdens of a princess, these little moments where she really truly smiles are getting fewer and further between.

Only that smile falters as her feet begin to blister in the pretty little dancing shoes. And when she tries to stop dancing, she can’t—Rose watches all the while, smiling her little smile, even as Feferi’s legs begin to swell, the friction catching the hem of her dress on fire. The spinning isn’t gleeful now. It’s horrified.

“Rose! What have you DON--E?” The e set apart, characteristic for her speech when she gets too agitated.

“You said you wanted to be a ballerina,” comes the reply from the grey-skinned girl with the shadowy aura that smiles so prettily up at her with dangerous white teeth. “Now you can dance forever.”

FILL: TEAM [Bro<3John]

[llwy]

The moon was almost at the top of the sky, and Vriska Serket was in a resistance 8ase. The citadel was 8lowing up, and she thought to herself ‘I must go there to defeat the enemies!!!!!!!!’, and so she went.

She walked really fast down the road to where the City Seventeen was, and on the road she saw an officer.

“WH3R3 4R3 YOU GO1NG?” Said the officer.

“Noooooooowhere.” Said Vriska Serket. The officer got out a cane, and Vriska Serket pulled out a weapon and they proceeded to duel.

Vriska Serket was fast and smart and she flew over the officer 8ecause she had awesome wings. She got wings 8ecause she was the 8est at everything and had all of the levels. The officer shook a fist at her, 8ecause Vriska Serket was too good to be caught 8y a stupid con8ine officer who was really, R8ALLY stuuuuuuuupid and who was 8lind too.

“1 H4T3 YOU, VR1SK4 S3RK3T.” Terezi Pyrope said, and Vriska Serket laughed at her 8ecause she was so stupid and flew off towards the citadel to save the humans.

==>

“Hahaha, that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Vriska stuck her tongue out at Terezi, despite the fact she couldn’t see it, and waved the sheet containing her story in the air.

“This is art! It’s better than those things you call drawings, anyway.”

Terezi grinned at her in return, all teeth and malice.

“If you’ve got time to write that, you’ve got time to stand watch from the lighthouse in case a dropship comes.”

Vriska growled, low in her throat, and Terezi laughed in response.

The rest of the residents of the resistance base just got ready for another night of screaming and shouting.

Re: FILL: TEAM [DIRK<3EQUIUS]

[macca44552]

Aw, this was cute! Thank you!