BONUS ROUND 1

[hso_mods]

Bonus Round 1

Genre-Mixing

Hey, shippers! Welcome to your very first bonus round proper--we hope you have lots of fun with it! This time around we're going to be asking you to mix it up a little--each fanwork posted for this round will be a mish-mash of two different genres, blended together in a delightful incestuous slurry to create an UNSTOPPABLE CREATIVE CONCOCTION--er. Or. Something.

Yeah, we're genre-mixing. That's what we're doing this round.

Rules

1. Submit prompts! Prompts should consist of two different genres and one ship. This cannot be your team's ship! These are worth 5 points each, for a maximum of 100 points per team.


2. Look through the prompts and fill whichever you like!


3. You may not fill prompts for your ship, nor may you fill your own team's prompts.


4. Fills should be posted as replies to the prompts which they are for, following the format below. They may be any medium.

Title Format
If you are starting a new thread, please use this format in your title.
PROMPT: TEAM [YOUR SHIP]
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with.
If your team name is not in this format and in the title we cannot guarantee that it will be counted.

If you are filling a prompt, use this format in your title.
FILL: TEAM [YOUR SHIP]
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with.
If your team name is not in this format and in the title we cannot guarantee that it will be counted.

Posts not using this format in the title will be understood to be unofficial discussion posts, no matter what they contain. They, like all comments on the comm, are subject to the Wank Policy.

Scoring
For prompt posts: 5 points each (maximum of 100 per team)

For fills (as stated here):
First 5 entries in each post: 30 (per entry)
Entries 6-10 in each post: 20 (per entry)
Entries 11-15 in each post: 10 (per entry)
Entries 16+ in each post: 5 (per entry)

All scored content must be created/assembled new for this round.

If you have any questions, please ask them at the FAQ post here, or email them to us (homestuck.shipping at gmail). Otherwise, we cannot guarantee that we will see them in a timely fashion!

Comments

FILL: TEAM [Dirk<>Roxy]

[alymira]

When she runs with him
He soars through the open skies
Crippled no longer

FILL: TEAM dave♠karkat♥terezi♥dave

[sadisticbutsweet]

(I apologize! Due to the deadline and being REALLY busy the last 24 hours this wound up a bit rushed.But, ah, it was hilarious in my head?)


In a dark warehouse on the industrial side of town Dave Strider is getting his ass kicked by a midget in tights.

It’s a small blessing there’s no one around to see his embarrassing downfall except the machinery and aforementioned midget. The warehouse itself is in a state of disrepair only worsened from the scuffle. His shitty sword is half way across the room and his wings are a mangled mess in the jaws of a crane. The straps attached to his arms traps him midair with them, his legs dangling uselessly and his shades slipping precariously down the bridge of his nose.

A booming voice bursts from the loud speakers. “Do you surrender, feathery asshat?”

Dave quirks an eyebrow. “Really dude you suck at being an archenemy I mean really not even knowing the name of your rival that’s just –“ The crane jerks, swinging him from side to side like a sock in the jaw of a dog.

“Oh my gods can you quit spewing word vomit for five seconds?” It takes a moment for his eyes to focus, but he spies his rival across the room, safely tucked away in the main control room. He can see the smirk on his face.

“You know I don’t even need you to surrender. It’s a given fact at this point. You’ve been bested, Dave Strider! And now the whole world will know that you’re just a pathetic –“ There’s a creek and a sound like footsteps, but Karkat doesn’t notice. “- wanna-be hero. I’ll take pictures of this moment and send it to every newspaper across the country so everyone will know that Dave Strider, the great Flash-Step, is so incompetent as to be defeat and thus is hardly –“ Dave hears them now, closer. “-fit to protect this city! Soon your adoring fans will abandon you and you want to know who will be there for them when this city needs someone? You want to know who will step up in this city’s darkest hour? That will be me! The Blood Knight, and I–“

“Karkat!”

“David.”

“Tez!?”

“Hello, ladies.” And Dave raises a hand, waggling his fingers at the girls standing below him. His sister and best friend alternate between glaring at him and Karkat, who has sunk down below the console as if that can hide him. Rose is in full hero regalia, cloak and mask, but Terezi is still in her school uniform. Dave notices she’s carrying his and Karkat’s bookbags, which they’d abandoned in their lockers.

Rose’s fingers drum impatiently on her arm and Terezi sniffs the air. Abruptly, Terezi points toward the control room. “He’s up there,” she says. “Karkat Vantas, get down here!”

“God damn it, do the words ‘secret identity’ mean anything to you?”

“He’s not coming down,” Terezi says very matter of factly.

“Mm,” Rose hums, looking up at her brother. Raising her voice, she calls, “We’ve told you two to stop sparing during school hours, much less in public places. Do you realize how bad this would have appeared if you had been caught by some unsuspecting construction worker who just wanders on through on his way to enjoy a thoroughly unsatisfying early lunch.”

“This warehouse hasn’t been used in months! I checked!”

Her eyes snap up to the control room, and Dave spies the top of Karkat’s cloaked head. He glances down, meets Rose’s eyes, and quickly ducks back under the control console. “Karkat,” Rose yells, her voice terse. “Gently set Dave down, please.”

“What if I don’t? What are you going to do –“ Dave feels the chill in the air before he sees it. The shadows are moving. Karkat must notice it too, because he quiets. It only takes a second before he’s standing again, scowling down at them. He’s scowling as he fiddles with the crane controls.

“Thank you,” Rose calls, eerily polite for a girl who just began calling on the powers of Eldritch abominations.

“Fuck you too Lalonde.”

“As for you, David.” Rose glares at him all the way until Karkat deposits him on the floor in a heap of ruined machinery and tattered clothes. “Are you perhaps forgetting a little something you agreed to do besides not fighting in the middle of supposedly abandoned warehouses?”

Dave really tries to wrack his brain when his eyes land on a book poking out of Terezi’s book bag. “Shit, Tez, I’m –“

She hits him, hard, over the head with his copy of Chemistry 101. “You fill out both of our reports and we’ll call it even, cool kid,” she cackles, and drops the book in front of him. Her and Rose loop arms and start for the door, and she calls over her shoulder, “And don’t even think you’re getting anywhere near my choice ass for a few days, Karkat! You knew the rules.”

Karkat curses as he pulls himself up beside Dave. They watch the ladies saunter out, perfectly in step. Neither of them have to say a word to agree that they hate dealing with a psychopath – in every sense of the word. Rose isn’t much better. Dave kicks his wings and Karkat pouts to himself, teeth bared.

“This is your fault,” he murmurs at Dave. “You’re the one who suggested we spar.”

“Shut it.” Dave kneels down and picks up the book, waving it at Karkat. “This is how it’s going to go down. We truce, and this never happened. You do my and Tezs’ chemistry and I’ll get her back in your bed. I walk away with my dignity intact and you get the girl. Deal?”

They shake. “Deal, fuckass.”

FILL: TEAM DAVE<3JADE

[angiie]

"Doc, you all right?" His voice was steady, his face the picture of stoicism. The horned female, pacing the floor with the intention of puncturing it with her heels, turned to the male in question. A pale blond, with a lanky build, and ebony shades. He leaned against an empty wall, a red sneaker covered foot tapped in time to an invisible song. His arms were crossed over his chest, and as soon as she directed her burgundy gaze on him, his arms slowly descended from their position. He stuffed his hands into black denim pockets, and the Doctor grinned.

"I'm fine, Dave!" She said, almost cheerfully, clasping her hands together, yellow fingernails clicking against each other. She turned away from the mess of baubles and levers located on the TARDIS command board, and towards her favorite (only) companion. "It's just..." she pursed her lips, and allowed a grimace. The familiar wail of the blue police box cut into her sentence. Dave immediately lunged forward, as the contraption rocketed down. He took the Doctor's hand, laced his fingers with hers, and the Doctor seemed to forget her melancholic mood, as she let out a jovial WHOOP WHOOP!. Her human partner in crime stared with wide eyes behind his sunglasses, and the troll squealed as the policebox landed on some unknown planet with a loud thud.

"Jesus Christ, Megido. You could've landed it properly, and saved me two year's worth of chiropractic care." He made an attempt to make his voice menacing, but after that rough landing, his sarcasm fell flat. The Doctor simply laughed in response, and with her free hand, checked her curly hair for any tangles, completely ignoring the fact they had just landed in the fucking wilderness. Dave glared, and yanked his hand from hers, and shoved it back in his pocket. He made way towards the TARDIS exit, and attempted to push the door open with his shoulder, before remembering there was a knob for that. Fixing his mistake, he was finally out the door, with his eccentric Doctor at his heels.

"Wow, we've landed somewhere interesting!" She clapped giddily, and turned towards Dave with shining eyes, grabbing his hands. She swung him around earnestly, as he made an attempt not to drop dead from over exposure to so much happiness and light.

They had arrived in the Land of Tents and Mirth, somewhere the blond believed was a fictitious locale. An abandoned carnival, forever trapped in mid stride, the place looked like a shitty excuse for a horror game.

"We've landed in a dumpster, Megido."

"It's the Doctor, Dave! Gotta stay professional!"

She then proceeded to blow him a kiss, while skipping away towards a carousel.

Dave let out a sigh, and ran after her, anyways.

Re: Fill TEAM Dave<3Sollux

[querulousartisan]

Time and Breath unite
For Dragons and Fae and treasure
She laughs, he smiles

PROMPT: TEAM Aradia<>Dave

[eremiticantiquarian]

Need a last minute fill?

Dave <3 Sollux, haiku + mystery

PROMPT: TEAM Aradia<>Dave

[eremiticantiquarian]

Need a last minute fill?

Jade <3 Karkat, haiku + romcom

FILL: TEAM BRO<3JOHN

[brodacious]

Tears on eyelashes
Slumbered weeping, unshaded
Black lips kiss away

Re: Fill TEAM Dave<3Sollux

[querulousartisan]

Cool kid, he kisses
The not-so-shy Taurus boy
Give him confidence

[wallwalker]

Oh, man. You have made me sniffle. ;_; Poor Mr. Egbert.

PROMPT: TEAM Aradia<>Dave

[eremiticantiquarian]

Need a last minute fill?

Dirk <> Roxy, haiku + dark family comedy

PROMPT: TEAM Aradia<>Dave

[eremiticantiquarian]

Need a last minute fill?

Bro <3 John, haiku + cooking show

FILL: TEAM KARKAT<3TEREZI

[masagiri]

It has been a long time, brother dearest. It is so nice to see you.
--
wow i hope this is okay and fills out your prompt correctly!!!
weird resurrected half-tentacle-half-ectosis monsters are paranormal right?

Re: FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<>ROSE

[draconicalgorithm]

Yes, that was perfect. I feel like it would make a really great longer fic (but obviously not for the purposes of the bonus round).

PROMPT: TEAM Aradia<>Dave

[eremiticantiquarian]

Need a last minute fill?

Dirk <3 Jake <3 Psiioniic, haiku + biopunk

FILL: TEAM JOHN<3VRISKA

[aloice]

It's late morning when I finally set off for Huanyu Palace. The day is calm and beautiful; all around me are the early tendrils of spring, the first flowers, promise of new life. Legends say the peach blossoms arrived in the palace shortly after an Empress conceived under a peach tree; I shake my head, still baffled by the amount of faith the consorts put into those kinds of superstition.

"Consort Jade is ready to see you, Mistress," the eunuches kneel before me, their expressions one of awe.

Jade consort. I can't help but be amused. Is that the title she received last night? If anyone has jadelike skin, it'd be Kanaya - she'd cover both the white and emerald varieties, too. "Please rise."

Kanaya's room has been redecorated; she now sits in streams of multicolored silk, her dress one of gold and rubies.

'Please don't get up to bow,' I say, smiling, waving off the servants.

She does so anyway. 'It's only customary, Rose.'

'Please, Kanaya.' I sit down in the chair opposite her. The walls have ears - it's better to keep our voices as low as possible. 'Have you heard from Consort An?'

'No, I actually haven't.' Kanaya's expression is one of concern as she sips Hangzhou tea. 'The Empress' speech later yesterday...'

'Yes,' I reply. 'I do believe Consort An has been banished, and is probably dead.'

'Did she actually manage to gain the Emperor's favor?'

'Doesn't matter to us now, does it? You and I, we don't really want to threaten the Empress' position. Staying safe is all we need to do.'

Kanaya sideglances at me, her painted eyes worried. 'Do you really believe we can get out of here?'

'We don't know until we try.' I signal my maid to come in. 'I've been taking notes... we have to wait, though. This is a matter of life and death.'

'I'll keep you informed.'

'Visit me during the Duanwu Festival, all right? Just to stay off the Empress' radar.' I rise. 'I'd probably enjoy sparring with that woman - and maybe winning - if it isn't such an honor to be with you.'

She hands my maid a pile of silk clothing. 'Awards from the Emperor. Keep warm, Rose. He's probably seeing you tonight.'

I squeeze her hand ever so slightly before I step out of her door.

FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA

[gjarble]

It's a WIP (out of time now), but I guess it's complete enough to show. Warnings for flashing GIF and trypophobia.

http://i882.photobucket.com/albums/ac29/Gjarble/brobot-davesprite-1.gif

FILL: TEAM SLICK<3<SNOWMAN

[specialagentartemis]

Okay, this was a TON of fun to do.

***

Long ago, all life on Alternia lived in the ocean. The land was barren and dry, full of nothing but cracked gray rock. The seas, though, teemed with life of all shapes and sizes and colors - happy, playful dolphins, wise whales that would fill your entire field of vision, bright colorful corals and even brighter, more colorful fish that darted and dove between them. Cuttlefish and nautili and adorable little hermit crabs, in spiral shells that were beautiful and much-prized among the trolls.

Because there were trolls, too, back then - but all trolls were seadwellers, and were all born with fins and gills and the ability to swim like the fish they lived among. They all had purple blood, except for the empress of them all, and her heiress, who were graced with the color of royal tyrian.

The empress had ruled for longer than anyone could remember, and loved her power. It did not seem that the Heiress would ever ascend.

There was another troll, a prince of the purple-bloods, who was much favored by the Heiress. He was proficient in the arts of the whitest sciences, and everyone adored him and wanted to fill all of his quadrants. But he had eyes only for the Heiress.

One day, he came upon the Heiress and saw that she had been crying.

He immediately swam over to her and took her in his arms, asking her what was wrong.

“Oh,” she said, “It’s terrible! Yesterday, I overheard the Empress plotting to kill me, so I could never be a threat to her and she could go on ruling forever!”

The prince was deeply disturbed by this, but valiantly said, “Do not worry, my dear, for I will protect you! I will use my greatest sciences to make sure that the Empress can never hurt you!”

But the Heiress was doubtful. “The Empress rules the entire sea, and has all the beings in it at her command! She could turn them all against me, if she wished. How could you hope to defend me against all the creatures in the whole sea?”

The prince promised that he would do everything in his power to protect his dear one, though the Heiress still did not believe that one troll could ever hope to fight so many on his own.

The prince, however, had no plans to fight the Empress’s army on his own. He retreated to his secret laboratory, situated where no one would ever find it - on a rock above the sea. There, he worked his most potent sciences, mixing together formulas and chemicals and atoms. He did science late into the day, even when the sun burned his eyes and he had to put on glasses to protect them, still he worked on.

Eventually, after three nights and three days of working, he had, with science, created life - a vast array of life, nearly enough to rival the Empress’s army of sea creatures.

Still, he had to put them somewhere where the empress would not find and destroy them. So he put them on land. These were the first land beasts.

He returned to the sea, to visit the Heiress and tell her of his creations. She was excited, and began to hope that she would not be killed after all. But she asked the prince, “How can you be sure that the beasts will defend me? For they are only beasts. The Empress commands trolls, too.” And again she was troubled.

The prince vowed to resolve this problem too. The Heiress bid him hurry, for she had heard more of the plot, and learned that she was to be killed in only two nights.

The prince returned to his secret laboratory, but had even less time now. He worked his sciences on himself, this time, and from his work he produced a whole population of trolls.

But these trolls were imperfect and unfinished, because the prince did not have enough time to finish. Their blood did not have time to mature into its proper purple, so they were left with blood ranging across the spectrum. Though he hated for his Heiress to have to rely on such half-formed beings, he was out of time.

He returned to the sea, leading an invasion of his creations, just as the Empress bore down on the Heiress. The battle between the armies of the prince and the Empress was long and arduous, but eventually the Empress was slain. The heiress leapt into the prince’s arms, proclaiming her everlasting love.

As for the prince’s creations, he meant to destroy them once they had served their purpose. But the beasts and the imperfect trolls now numbered too many to easily kill. However, such creations could not be allowed to live amongst civilized beings. They were sent to the surface, to live on the land, until the prince could decide how best to dispose of them all.

He and the heiress - the new empress, now - were too busy filling buckets for the rest of their lives though so he never got around to it.





so you see fef thats wwhy you an i gotta get together

wwe wwere MADE for each other its obvvious to evveryone evven a bunch of ancient dead guys wwho wwrote legends

also thats wwhy equality is bullshit an i gotta kill all the landdwwellers

see it all makes sense noww doesnt it

-Eridan, I don’t t)(ink t)(at’s )(ow the legend actually goes.

wwhat are you talkin about a course it is

FILL: TEAM EQUIUS♦NEPETA

[fiveforchibis]

prologue.


Yo Dave!
Best make room in your new Ponyville crib, cause I’m coming up from Hooveston next week just to check out my lil’bro’s life as country pony. That’s right, I’m abandoning my fine business plushrumps and automatons for a full 48 hours to ensure you havn’t lost any of your patented Strider swag all the way out there in the middle of nowhere. Gotta be on top of your game kid, cause I’m not going to go easy on you just cause you might be a little out of practice.
Your BBBFF, Dirk.
Dave took a moment to warily eye his brother’s perfectly ironic signature before heaving a heavy sigh and rolling the letter back up with a flick of his bright red, spiraling horn. John, who’d been lounging over on the other side of the room with his favorite prankster’s handbook, looked up at the sound of Dave’s sigh and gave him a mischievous smirk.
“Aww man, I know that sigh. That letter’s gotta be from either Rose or Dirk, am I right?”
“Got it in one dude, the letter was from none other than the prince Strider himself. He’s decided to grace my grungy Hicksville home with his godly presence for two days next week.” Dave allowed himself one exasperated groan before plopping down on some empty cushions next to his best friend.
John couldn’t help but give an appreciative whistle. “Wow, a sigh and groan out of Dave Strider within the span of five minutes? You’re not getting all emotional on me are you man?”
“Dude, you’d be getting all moody too if you knew what was coming. Bro’s not coming by for a friendly ‘how ya doing lil’bro, good to see you’re alive and healthy.’ He’s coming to test me.” Dave shivered. “It’s gonna be two full days of puppet ass and getting my ass kicked on top of the roof while he constantly mocks my inability to grasp the full depth of his many layers of sincere irony.”
“Aww man, it can’t be that bad,” The Pegasus gave his friend a comforting nudge with his hoof, hoping to brighten the atmosphere. Usually Dave was able to deflect any negative feelings that came at him with just his trusty aviators and a choice extended metaphor or two. But when came to his brother, all bets were off. John had never met the colt himself but judging by the effect he had on his friend, he was willing to bet that Dirk Strider was something else.
Dave didn’t respond to John’s attempts at encouragement, except to bury his face into one the pillows and let out another exasperated groan.
“Okay so maybe it’s gonna be a tough for a couple days, but…hey look at the bright side! All this training from hell he’s doing just means your bro wants you to be the best he can be. Did you ever think of it that way? You know, maybe if my dad had been a little less “cakes and ‘I’m proud of you notes’ and a little more like your bro, with all the training and testing, maybe I would have my…” John trailed off, his eyes wandering behind him towards his hopelessly blank side. His complete lack of a cutie mark wasn’t something he thought of very much anymore. John had kinda learned to ignore it for the most part, no point worrying too much over a problem that wasn’t about to go away anytime soon. Still, there were times when he couldn’t help looking over the bare, unmarked blue of his flank and wondering what could be so wrong with him that he hadn’t been able to find his special something after all of his peers had long ago stopped showing off their flashy new marks and begun accepting them as simply a routine part of themselves, like their manes and hooves.
Dave caught on to his friend’s momentary hesitation and raised his head. It was now his turn to give John a comforting nudge with his hoof. “Hey man, don’t go stressing out about your lack of some stupid superfluous tramp stamp. Those things are just there for idiot ponies who wouldn’t know how to put on their own horseshoes if destiny wasn’t there to smack them in the face and show them how to do it right.”
“I’m not stressing…” John stammered, rather unconvincingly, as he stared enviously at the scratched record adorning Dave’s brick red flank.
Dave scoffed. “Sure you weren’t bud. Tell you what,” he said, getting up and stretching his four limber legs. “It looks like both of us could a picker-upper. What do you say we head down to Sweet Apple Acres and grab ourselves some cider.”
“You and your apple cider!” John said, getting to his feet as well. “If you had your way all you’d ever have to drink would be Apple Family Cider.”
“You bet it would! Now are you going to come with me, or am I going to get all that orgasmically delicious apple cider to myself today.”
“No way I am letting you alone with that stuff. You’d make yourself sick if I wasn’t there to stop from drinking three barrels worth in one go.” And with that the two of them trotted out the door of Johns old family home, momentarily forgetting their problems in lieu of each other’s company ant anticipation of warm, delicious, Apple Family Cider.
~~~~~~
John shivered as he gazed into the dark shadows of Everfree Forest.

FILL: TEAN Dave<3Sollux

[trickyla]

Shy bull-horned beauty
Unsure what this feeling is
Is this irony?

FILL: TEAM [Dirk<>Roxy]

[alymira]

Yelling and shouting
Often angrily pouting
Everyday is bliss

Also-- can I just say you're my hero for these last minute prompts? x'D Thanks! <333

Re: FILL: TEAM EQUIUS♦NEPETA

[fiveforchibis]

John could not believe he was doing this. Ever since he was a foal he’d always been told not to go into the Everfree Forest, and yet here he was, standing at the entrance, saddlebag packed with about two days’ worth of supplies.
His companion for this venture hadn’t arrived yet, despite it already being half an hour after their proposed meeting time, and John was getting antsy. The dark maw of the forest was growing more and more intimidating by the minute and John’s resolve was shrinking at roughly the same rate.
“Maybe he forgot,” John said to himself. “He’s not here yet, so that must mean he’s not coming, and even if he is, he can’t really expect me to have waited this long. I’m sure it won’t be a problem if I just turned around and left-oomph!” John’s escape was cut short when he collided head on into another pony, causing him to fall squarely on his rump.
“Trying to run away Egbert?” The other pony asked, and John was forced to suppress a groan. This pony was none other than the one he’d been waiting for, Dirk Strider, eldest Strider brother and currently the biggest thorn in John’s side. Ever since he’d come up from Hooveston to visit (and possibly torture) his younger brother he’d done nothing but get on John case for not having his cutie mark yet. Things reached their ultimate climax when John, in a bout of frustration had challenged him to do something about it if it bothered him so much, which is how he had ended up in his current predicament.
John rose to his feet and flapped his wings a couple times to straighten out any ruffled feathers. “I wasn’t running away, I just got tired of waiting, you’re more than half an hour late.”
“Huh,” Dirk said, giving him the smuggest of Strider smirks. “You’d think you’d be used to waiting, considering how much waiting you’ve been doing for your cutie mark.”
“Would you cut it out with the cutie mark comments?” John growled, this was seriously getting on his nerves. “And speaking of cuties marks how is this ‘excursions’ into the forest supposed to help me get mine?”
“Listen kid, getting your cutie mark is all about finding yourself. And there is no better way for a colt to find himself than by getting down and dirty with the elements, It’s how Dave got his cutie mark, and it’s how I got mine. Now did you bring everything I told you to bring?” John nodded, begrudgingly. “Good, now let’s get going.” Dirk said, trotting off into the forest, John had no choice but to follow him, not if he wanted to put an end to his constant mockery.
~~~~~~~~~
Two hours in and John had decided that maybe this whole adventure wasn’t such a terrible thing after all. Sure, he was spending it with Dirk of all ponies, but really they hadn’t stumbled into anything more dangerous than some poison ivy and the feeling of the dark forest moss between his hooves was actually quite pleasant. John still didn’t know get how this was going to get him his cutie mark, but he was definitely feeling much more amicable to finding out.
Suddenly Dirk went very stiff, ears pricking to full alert and horn starting to spark slightly. “Time for your first face-off with the elements dude,” he said, before he vanished into thin air.
John looked around wildly for him wondering where on earth he’d suddenly gone. He didn’t have much time to contemplate the matter however, probably because he was quickly distracted by something very long and fury colliding with his face. John bucked, loosening the thing’s grip long enough to dislodge it from his face. It was quick to come back for round two however, sharp cat-like claws started to rake at his hindquarters while its snakelike body wrapped itself around his forelegs. John bucked bucket again, but this time to no avail. He instead resorted to different measures, grabbing the thing with his teeth and pulling it bodily from his leg.
“Owwww,” the thing yowled. “That hurts!” John instinctively dropped it.
“Oh man, sorry about that, didn’t mean to…wait a second, why am I apologizing for hurting you? You attacked me! Shouldn’t I have just kept going or something?”
The thing giggled. “You’re a pawfully silly pony. But you did let go when I asked you to, so I guess I should do the same.” The tight pressure around John’s legs disappeared, as the thing slithered down to the ground in front of him. John blinked.
“Wait…you’re not going to continue attacking me?”
“I only attacked you because you looked so yummy, I thought you’d an awesome snack” it said, licking at its right paw. “But I think you’re probably a lot sillier and nicer than you tasty, so I’ve decided I don’t make you into a snack after all.”
“Errrr, thank you?” John said. What else were you supposed to say to a carnivorous half-cat half-snake monster that had just told you it didn’t want you for dinner anymore?
“You’re welcome,” she said, so unironically John swore he could feel Dave rolling in his future grave. “I’m Nepeta by the way, Nepeta the Tatzelwurm.”
“Oh umm, I’m John.” This was getting more and more surreal.
“It’s nice to meet you John Pony! I can tell were gonna be furriends.”
~~~~~~~~~
“I can’t believe you made friends with it!” Dirk exclaimed, sometime later as they continued their journey along the forest path, now accompanied by Nepeta.
“It’s ‘she’ not ‘it’ and I can’t believe you just left me there to fight off a wild monster by myself!” Said “wild monster” was currently riding on John’s back and rummaging through his saddle bag. The occasional cried of exclamation or delight could be heard whenever she ran into something particularly intriguing.
“It’s all part of exposing you to the elements dude, but apparently the elements weren’t in the mood for to being exposed to just yet. It doesn’t really matter though, looks like there’s another opportunity just up ahead.” Dirk raised one of his front hooves, indicating a small river just up ahead, blocking them from moving further along the path.
“Over there is a Kap-“
“Yo-dee-lay-ee-hoo!” Nepeta shrieked at the noise and dove behind one of John’s wings, hissing.
“What…precisely is that?” Dirk asked, giving John the most unamused of looks.
John grinned. “Oh that, that’s my yodeling pickle! Isn’t it cool? You’d actually probably like him, seeing as how you’re so into puppets and all.” Nepeta, feeling a bit more courageous now that she knew what the thing was, began scrimmaging through John’s satchel, looking for the pickle so that she could examine it more closely.
“While I’m sure much ironic amusement can be drawn from a ‘yodeling pickle’, don’t go putting it on the same tier as puppets. A yodeling pickle can only hope to someday be privileged enough to yodel its own ode to the great majesty that is puppets, never could it possibly even dream of joining even the lowest echelons of their ranks.”
“Okay, okay, I got you, puppets are awesome.” John said waving one of his wings at Dirk dismissively. “So what’s up with the river over there? Is this going to be another case of me ‘facing the elements’.
“Yes actually, I’m going to give you a heads up, cause I’m such a nice guy like that, and tell you that currently living in that river is a kappa. A water demon that requires not strength to defeat but wit and-“
“Oh man a Kappa! I learned about those in school. They like cucumbers right? Oh man this is the perfectly time to use my yodeling pickle! I have you found it yet Nepeta?”
“Yup, I’ve got it.”
“Oh man this is gonna be awesome, can you imagine the look on his face when we give him what he thinks is a nice juicy cucumber, only to discover all it does is yodel when he tries to eat it? Alright, let’s go meet this kappa!” John bounded off, leaving Dirk still hovering over his last word.
Dirk sighed, before trotting a bit off course to cross the river at another point, if the kid needed help after pissing off the kappa with his fake cucumber, he’d be able double back and strike the demon from behind. What Dirk failed to noticed, as he planned out the kid’s rescue in his head, was how oddly colored the patch of leaves he was walking through seemed to be.
The kappa was already waiting for them by the riverbed when John and Nepeta arrived. It hadn’t been hard to predict they were coming from all the commotion they’d been causing. He stepped right into his routine as soon as they came to a stop, it’d been so long since he’d been able to use it.
“Alright assholes, if you think you’re going one step farther, think again! This is my river and if you think for one second I’m letting you cross it you’re going to being pretty fucking disappointed.”
John, too wrapped up with the anticipation of his brilliant prank, didn’t even register the demon’s rant, and instead greeted him with a cheery voice and a bright smile. “Well hello there Mr. Kappa, how are you doing today?”
The kappa didn’t even miss a beat, “Pretty fucking terrible now that you two idiots have shown up to disturb what was turning out to be a pretty goddamn peaceful afternoon, which if you know anything about this forest is a pretty difficult to come by.”
“Oh wow, that’s too bad. Actually I feel really bad about ruining your day like that. Why don’t I make it up to you with a gift?” John had to bite his tongue to keep from snickering…oh this was such a good prank.
The kappa looked skeptical “A gift, what in Equestria could a horse-brain like you possibly have that might actually be useful, or even entertaining to me?”
“You’re right, my mistake, how could such a noble demon such as you enjoy something as simplistic as a cucumber. It was wrong of me to even suggest giving it to you.” John had to bite his tongue even more as the kappa’s eyes widened in obvious interest.
“Wait, wait, don’t be so hasty, I never said I didn’t want what you idiots had. You guys still owe me for ruining me day, I’m not gonna let you walk away without some kind of retribution! And if all you have is a cucumber well then I guess I’ll just have to accept that as your payment.”
“Very well then,” John said, the edges of his mouth starting quiver. “You heard him Nepeta, give him the cucumber.”
“Right, John Pony, I’ve got it right here-woops.” The yodeling pickle slipped from Nepeta’s grasp as she handed it to the kappa and fell towards the water. Both Nepeta and the Kappa reached for it out of instinct, but neither successfully managed to get a hold of it before it was swept away by the river.
“Oh sorry about that Mr. Kappa, I didn’t mean to drop your yodeli-I mean cucumber.” Nepeta and John both raised their heads to look back at the kappa, the kappa, however, remained in a bent position hand reached out towards the water as if the pickle would magically appear within his claws if he kept it there long enough.
“Errr…Mr. Kappa?” John said prodding the kappa with his hoof. “You can look up now, the cucumber isn’t going to come back.”
The kappa let out an annoyed sigh. “Shit, shit shit shit. I can’t believe I’m such a complete dumbdumb! I can’t believe I fell for such an overused trick.”
“Ummm, what are you talking about?” John asked, thoroughly confused, his prank hadn’t gone through successfully, what was the kappa hitting himself in the head about?
“I let my water drain dumbass.”
“Err what?”
“My water! Okay, look, see this bowl shaped crevice on top of my head? Well usually that thing is filled with water, in fact I can’t even fucking move unless it is! Notice how it’s not filled with water right now? Well that’s cause I lunged for a your pickle like a complete idiot and spilled all of the water that was inner there.”
John furrowed his brow. “Wait, so, you’re saying, you can’t move? Like at all?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying you imbecile! How long is it gonna take me to get drilled into your horsy skull?”
“Oh man dude, I didn’t mean to paralyze you or anything. Is there anything I can do to reverse it or something like that?”
“Actually, yeah, it’s pretty damn easy. You just got refill my bowl with more water, but I don’t see why you would do that considering I’m a dangerous demon who was trying to block you from getting across the river and…oh!” John had already begun pouring the contents of his water canister into the crevice of the kappa’s ahead. The kappa, slowly began to flex and stretch his muscles, until he once more and full control of his motor functions. “Alright then…I guess I gotta thank you little pony for getting me out of that tight spot.”
John merely shrugged. “Don’t mention it, I just didn’t think it seemed right to leave you stuck there is all, my name is John by the way, what’s yours?”
The kappa opened his mouth to respond, but before he could a sound he was interrupted by the noise of a large splash from somewhere up the river.
“Great.” The kappa sighed. ”Looks like somebody’s fallen into my river.”
“Well then, I guess we better go save them.” John said, readying his wings for takeoff.
“Sounds like the purrfect plan to me.” Nepeta agreed.

Re: FILL: TEAM EQUIUS♦NEPETA

[fiveforchibis]

Everything about Dirk felt cold and wet, his mane, his legs, his nose. He was just cold, and wet, and miserable all over, except for his left side. His left side actually felt quite warm, press up against something soft and comfortable. How had he gotten like this? Oh yeah, he’d tried to teleport across the river. It was a pretty damn simply spell, he’d done it hundreds of times, but this time, for some reason, he’d gotten about halfway across before the spell has spontaneously failed, and he been plunged into the river’s icy cold rapids. He must have fainted from the shock. But that didn’t explain how he’d ended up here pressed up against something warm and alive, as supposed to the bottom of the riverbed and not alive. Damn…he was too cold to think. Dirk curled up against the warm object, and was pleasantly surprised when something soft and downy came down to cover the rest of his torso. Blearily he turned his head in search of an explanation for this new source of warmth, only to find himself face to face (and apparently torso to torso) with John Egbert.
“Oh, you’re awake.” John said, smiling at him. “I was getting a bit worried for a moment there, you were shivering so much.”
Dirk blink at him until his brain had cleared enough to form something resembling a complete sentence. “How did you, you know.”
“Save you?” John suggested. “I didn’t save you exactly, Karkat did. He’s the kappa by the way. It looks like you walked through some poison joke, it’s actually a pretty common mistake for ponies not from this area. Anyways the poison joke made your horn all floppy so you couldn’t use your magic properly.” Dirk shook his head a bit, his horn did, indeed, feel “floppy”. “Luckily Nepeta’s pretty good at with dealing with poison joke, she’s going to get the materials for the cure right now.”
“That’s good,” Dirk muttered. “Wouldn’t want to be stuck with a giant sickly lamprey for a horn the rest of my life.” His teeth chattered a bit and John pulled him even closer with his wing.
“Man dude you’re freezing. You Striders seriously need to think about eating more, you’re both so skinny.”
“Can’t stop my mad metabolism dude,” Dirk said though chattering teeth. “I swear it breaks down everything, throw a piece of titanium steel in there and it’ll be turned into little tiny atoms and out of me within the hour.” He paused before changing his tone to a more serious one. “Listen, John I’m sorry I took you out here. I’ve been so stuck on the fact that Dave’s all grown up, and no longer needs me to show him the ropes. I guess I got too eager when I saw a pony that still had some growing up to do, I thought for a moment I could relive what I had with Dave, but--”
“I’m not Dave.” John said, finishing his sentence for him.
“Nah, you’re not. But that’s pretty cool too. Dave let’s himself get tied down with all these worries and stresses a lot of the time. But you, you kind of just make off like the wind, ‘no one’s going to tie me down, I’m going to do what I want when I want to, and befriend who I want to too.’ And you know what? It’s a style that kind of works for you. Hell, it certainly worked out for me today.
John grinned, and gave Dirk a light squeeze with his wing. “Hey thanks, you’re pretty cool too. You know I never would have admitted it when you were getting on my case, but I always kind of envied Dave a bit for having someone who’d give him that extra push. And, I guess I should thank you for giving me a push by taking me on this adventure. I may not have earned my cutie mark, but I met some pretty cool critters, and it’s definitely an experience I’ll take with me for the rest of my life.”
Dirk gave him his softest, patented Strider smirk, and leaned up against John nuzzling into his mane for warmth. They remained like that for some time, just lying in silence, quietly enjoying each other’s body heat, until the silence was interrupted by a loud gurgle from John’s stomach.
“Ahaha, guess it’s been awhile since I’ve eaten.” John said, rising to his feet, much to Dirk’s dismay. “I’ve got some food in my bag, do you want anything Dirk?”
“Actually yes, I’m kind of hungry to.” Dirk said, watching as John meander towards his bag. His eyes could help but momentarily wander over his flank.
“Hey John.”
“Mhmm?” John said, his attention focused on the contents of his bag.
“You know that thing I mentioned earlier, about you being like the wind, not letting yourself get tied down by expectations or ponies?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, I was just thinking, you could say that’s a special talent of yours isn’t it?”
“I guess so, why?”
“Oh. No particular reason.” Dirk said, barely suppressing a grin. Wavy blue lines, just like the wind. It suited him.

FILL: TEAM JOHN<3VRISKA

[tehstripe]

Didn't have time to edit this as much as I'd like, and doesn't really lean on the historical too much, but hopefully it is tragic enough!

----

You feel the wheels of the plane touch the ground, even if you can’t see it, you’re glad to be home. If you’d known getting blinded would get you discharged, you’d have done it yourself the moment you were drafted. At least then you wouldn’t have had to experience ‘Nam firsthand.

A nurse helps you out of your seat, and you lean against her shoulder as she leads you, limping, off of the plane. Your local airport is small – only a few gates for the whole thing – but the second you step into the terminal, you’re disorientated. You hear a cacophony of voices from every direction, with no rhyme or reason or concern for the young, confused soldier who just walked in. You slump against the nurse, who is luckily strong enough to catch you.

“Who will be picking you up?” she asks kindly, keeping a firm hand on your shoulder. It’s the only thing anchoring you to the world right now.

“Not sure,” you admit. “My parents just promised it’d be somebody I’d know.” You relish the S’s as you say them - losing some teeth ended the lisp that got you tormented through highschool. When you think about it, getting critically injured on the battlefield is one of the best things that ever happened to you.

“A girlfriend?” the nurse asks.

“Maybe,” you say. “Assuming she still wants me now that I’m blind and useless.” You smile – useless is a great word.

“So what’s this girl of yours like?” the nurse asks. You don’t know if she’s asking for small talk or if she’s hoping for a general description.

“She’s great. Obsessed with old buried shit and she knows the best ghost stories. And she’s not bad to look at either-”

“Shit, Sollux? Is that you?”

Even if you can’t see him, that is unmistakably the gravelly sound of one Karkat Vantas. Not Aradia. You can’t be too disappointed, however – even if you constantly have to reaffirm it with one another, Karkat is one of your best friends.

“Hey, KK,” you say. There is a bit of silence in which you’re not completely sure what’s happening. You think perhaps the nurse is mouthing something to Karkat, but you can never be sure. Finally, she says.

“Well, I’ll leave you in his hands then, Sergeant Captor,” says the nurse, and you are transferred from her shoulder to Karkat’s. It’s awkward – Karkat’s always been shorter than you – but you try to be grateful nonetheless.

“Come on,” he growls. “Let’s get you to the car.”

----

“So what’s life been like around here since I’ve been gone?” You ask Karkat once the car’s started up. “Exciting?”

He scoffs. “Hardly.”

“Surely something’s happened.”

Karkat takes in a deep breath, and that’s how you know he’s about to give bad news. “Well, Eridan came back in... in a body bag.”

You’re about ready to comment “serves him right” until you remember Karkat and Eridan were sort of friends.

“Tavros is back too, but his legs got messed up a bit, and he doesn’t really seem all that right in the head.”

“Knew a lot of guys who ended up like him from my squad,” you say, like it’s nothing. “I hope AA didn’t take it too hard. She liked digging for treasure with him when they were kids.” There’s a weighted pause. “How is she anyways? She didn’t end up with that muscle-head horse-fetishist did she?”

Karkat takes his time, and you fear the worst, but he finally says, “No. Equius volunteered about a month after you left. He’s enjoying the constant orders, I think.”

“Figures.” There’s a moment of silence again, and you’re waiting for Karkat to answer your first question, about Aradia, but he seems intent on ignoring it. He turns on the radio instead – you don’t recognize the song, but it sounds like something by The Beatles. You decide to push him. “Hey, how about we make one more stop before you take me home? Can’t hurt right?”

He sounds a little dejected when he says, “Guess not.”

“Could we stop by AA’s place?”

Dead silence.

“KK?”

“Yeah. Yeah, OK. Are you sure you’re ready for this, though? You don’t look so good. You just got back and everything.”

“I haven’t seen her in months. Part of the reason being in the army sucks is that there are no girls. I want to end my dry spell ASAP,” you explain. “Besides, she’s seen me worse off.” You feel the car shift as Karkat makes a U-turn.

“Not what I’m worried about.”

----

The moment you step out of the car, you know that this isn’t Aradia’s house. You’re not used to being blind yet, but you could probably drive that route be touch alone, and this isn’t it. You stand there for a moment, wondering where you could possibly be. Did she move?

Karkat walks around the car and grabs you by the wrist, leading you forward. “Watch the curb,” he mutters, but you trip over it anyways. And you walk.

You quickly realize that you are not at a house, because no front yard is this large. No park is this quiet either. This is when you get an inkling, but you don’t say anything.

Karkat stops you suddenly, and turns you ninety degrees. “There,” he says.

You frown. “KK, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m blind. What am I supposed to be looking at?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he begs, and shit you think he’s about to cry. But you follow your inkling, so you shuffle your feet forward until they hit something hard.

Your throat constricts, and you reach down, feeling the edge of smooth stone. And you nearly feel sick, but you need to make sure, and your fingertips brush across the surface.

You can make out letters.

“ARADIA MEGIDO
1948-1966
A loving friend and daughter”

Your knees give out, and you fall against the grave, your elbows placed precariously on top as the rest of you simply melts. Sobs shake your body, but you can’t cry. Not with your eyes.

The war took that away, too.

FILL: TEAM GAMZEE<3<TEREZI

[ilyat]

HeY bRoThEr
WeLcOmE tO tHe MoThErFuCkIn DaRk CaRnIvAl >:o)

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FILL: TEAM Dave<3Sollux

[trickyla]

Ram horns a treasure
Light fingertips brush his cheek
Confidence abounds