BONUS ROUND 2

[hso_mods]

Bonus Round 2

The Return of Round Robin Fanadventures

Comments have been screened; we will be tallying the points over the next 48 hours or so, after which we will unscreen the comments. Comments have been unscreened! You may continue the fanadventures on this post as long as you like, though we will not be awarding further points.

Hi shippers! Welcome to Bonus Round 2.
Round Robin Fanadventures generated so much awesome stuff last year that we decided to bring it back!

For those who are new to HSO, this is not actually that complicated a concept, but it might be a little tricky to explain, so bear with me. The point of this round is to create a bunch of fanadventures that are for a team other than your own.

Rules

1. If you are starting a new adventure: start a new thread using the title format defined below. Include either text or 1-2 pieces of embedded art setting a scene (or both!), and finish with a command (==> does not count as a command for new threads). Then sit back and wait for someone else to contribute!
   
2. If you are continuing an adventure: find a thread that does not center around your team's ship. Then comment using the title format defined below. Include either text or 1-2 pieces of embedded art continuing the scene (or both!), and finish with a command (this can include ==>, though generally we would prefer otherwise). Then sit back and wait for someone else to contribute!
   
3. For ease of reading, we suggest using standardized image sizes. 600x400 landscape is a pretty good size! But as long as it's the same as the other images in the thread, people will have an easier time following along. The HTML for inserting images is <img src="http://yourimageurlhere.com">
   
4. For this challenge, there is no minimum wordcount. We are trusting you not to abuse that fact!
   
5. You may not comment twice in a row in one adventure. The point is to hand off the scene like a hot potato.
   
6. You may not introduce or create for your team's ship into a fanadventure. If someone else introduces your team's ship to a thread, you can still contribute to that thread so long as your contributions do not involve your ship.
   
7. This challenge will run until 11:59PM EDT July 7. After that time, even if it's just by a minute according to the LJ timestamp, no submissions will be accepted for points.

NOTES:

• Audio posts are fine, so long as you include a transcript.
  
• Please make sure to check that your titles are correct!
  
• You may answer commands that have already been answered. Think of it like a 'choose your own adventure' game!
  

Title Format
If you are starting a new thread, use this format in your title.
New [THEIR SHIP] Game (FILL: TEAM [YOUR SHIP])
Replace [THEIR SHIP] with the ship you want this particular fanadventure thread to be. Remember that you cannot create a fanadventure based on your own ship. Whatever ship you choose must be represented by a HSO team not your own. The only exception is gen adventures, which are permitted.
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with. If your team name is not in this format and in the title it may not be counted.

If you are continuing a thread, use this format in your title.
[COMMAND] (FILL: TEAM [YOUR SHIP])
Replace [COMMAND] with whatever command the previous fill has specified.
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with.
If your title is not in this format it may not be counted.

Posts not using this format in the title will be understood to be unofficial discussion posts, no matter what they contain. They, like all comments on the comm, are subject to the Wank Policy.

Scoring
(as stated here)
First 5 entries per team: 30 (per entry)
Entries 6-10: 20 (per entry)
Entries 11-15: 10 (per entry)
Entries 16+: 5 (per entry)

All fanadventure content must be created new for this round.

We would prefer that any questions about this challenge or anything else in the HSO be emailed to us at homestuck.shipping AT gmail!

Comments

New Eridan<3Karkat Game (FILL: Team Karkat<3Karkat)

[doubleohally]

> Character Select: Eridan or Karkat.



> Select: Eridan: Tell of a spunky boy.

Your name is ERIDAN and you are the next in line to the throne of EAST HEAVEN KINGDOM, or you WERE until your sister FEFERI decided that you were too selfish or something to take over. She kicked you off the throne.

Your PRIMARY WEAPON is a gun but you're a master in the art of MAGIC SCIENCE. Your sister on the other hand had a nasty relic of unimaginable power. You'll show her, you'll get one better than hers.

After two years you finally had some luck and you hitched a ride on a boat to the city of CARONA. Since then a series of events have happened.
1.) You saw a hot guy on the boat.
2.) You fell off the boat and nearly drowned, and were then saved by someone who fished you out.
3.) On your way to Carona you were trampled by two thugs.
4.) One of the locals asked you to go look for a local child in CARONA FOREST.
5.) You found her being held hostage by those thugs.
6.) You kicked their ass.
7.) You agreed to help her find her parents.

And now you're climbing the mountain towards them.
(if you're wondering the game this is based on is called Threads of Fate)
> Eridan: Make it to the top, find the girls parents.

> Eridan: Make it to the top, find the girls parents. (FILL: Team Karkat<3Karkat)

[forevertaruen]

You finally make it to the top. The girl rushes in to her parents, who were in a deep conversation with the boy from the ship.

You're not totally sure about what. However, you're pretty sure you heard the word relic. You scowl a little bit. Hot or not, this boy is now your rival.

> Eridan: Make your presence known.

New Gamzee<3Tavros Game (Fill: Team Eridan<3Sollux)

[musekicker]

(( Warning for possible future not safe for workness. Also warning for kidnapping trigger. It's consensual but still warning.))

You are Tavros Nitram and you’ve been kidnapped! Well... okay, it’s not as bad as all that. You actually know your “kidnapper” well and you had both agreed on this beforehand. And you know Gamzee would never hurt you.

This little game of yours has been going on for a bit now. Ever since Gamzee had brought it up. For once you had seen Gamzee furiously blush purple while he was suggesting the idea. You think he was pretty shocked when you didn’t just turn him down and run.

Yeah, the others would be just as shocked to know about this too.

So here you are, hands bound behind your back and blindfold over your eyes. Wonder where Gamzee is at this moment?

===> Gamzee: Let Tavros know where you are.

New Sollux<3Terezi Game (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<>TAVROS)

[heecawroo]

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you are the leader of the red team.
And nobody is going to tell you otherwise, certainly not a bitter little nubby horned spoilsport whose text tastes like ashes and coal. You'd rather Karkat wasn't on your team at all! But Sollux said he could play, and so you'll put up with it.
Speak of the devil! You are being trolled.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: HEY GUESS WHAT, BIG NEWS.
CG: LIKE HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES THIS IS A HUMONGOUS DEAL SORT OF NEWS.
GC: BL44444RRRRR WH4T DO YOU W4NT
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE RED TEAM LEADER.
CG: THAT'S ME.
CG: I'M THE LEADER.
CG: IT'S BEEN DECIDED.
CG: ON AN OFFICIAL BASIS.
GC: NO 1T H4SNT
CG: YES IT HAS, SO DEAL WITH IT.
CG: I MEAN I GUESS THIS WAS A REALLY BIG DEAL TO YOU AND SO FOR SOME INEXPLICABLY DUMB REASON YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KEEP THE POSITION TO YOURSELF, BUT THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
CG: IT'S ME.
GC: TH1S M4Y SURPR1S3 YOU
GC: BUT 1 DO NOT W4NT TO T4LK TO YOU!!!
GC: NOW 1F YOULL 3XCUS3 M3 1 4M GO1NG TO GO R3CRU1T TH3 R3ST OF MY T34MM4T3S
CG: WHAT? NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
GC: 1 W4SNT 4CTU4LLY 4SK1NG P3RM1SS1ON
CG: BUT I'M THE RED TEAM LEADER, NOT YOU. I JUST SAID THAT, DIDN'T YOU READ WHAT I JUST SAID?
GC: K4RK4T YOU W1LL B3 LUCKY 1F 1 3V3N L3T YOU ON TH3 R3D T34M 4T 4LL
CG: WAIT, WHAT?

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Bluuuuhh, you hate talking to him. Why does he always need to start something?
Of course you will not really kick him off the red team. You will have to deal with him.
Or not deal with him. You decide to stop acknowledging him from this point on, as you realize you have spent all too much time focusing on Karkat here when there are more important things to deal with.

Terezi: Deal with more important things

>Terezi: Deal with more important things (FILL: TEAM ERIDAN <>ROSE)

[thelawisnotmocked]

The more important things being, of course, the point which you have just expressed: YOU ARE NOT CONTACTING THIS KID RIGHT NOW DAMMIT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
CG: HEY GUESS WHAT.
CG: I WILL ALLOW THAT THIS MAY, PERHAPS, SURPRISE YOU.
CG: EVEN SHOCK YOU. I AM OPEN TO THAT POSSIBILITY.
CG: HEY, THAT'S ME, RIGHT? MR. OPEN. I AM SO FUCKING OPEN TO EVERY SINGLE IDEA THAT COULD POSSIBLY EMERGE FROM YOUR THROBBING UNDERDEVELOPED THINKPAN.
CG: YOU DOUBT ME? TRY ME. I BET THAT EVERY SINGLE IDEA THAT YOU EXCREMENT
CG: AND I MEAN THAT IN A VERY DEROGATORY WAY
CG: LIKE, YOUR THINKPAN IS THIS SLIMY LITTLE WIGGLER BLESSED WITH POWERS OF SUPREME FLATULENCE
CG: AND BY FLATULENCE I MEAN IDEAS
CG: WILL AT LEAST BE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED BY YOURS TRULY.
CG: BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT HERE.
CG: THE POINT IS - GET READY FOR THIS ONE.
CG: YOU MAY WANT TO SIT DOWN.
CG: I WOULD NOT WANT A DELICATE BLIND GIRL SUCH AS YOURSELF TO FAINT AND BE HELPLESS OUT THERE IN THE WILDS OF YOUR FUCKING JUNGLE OR WHATEVER.
CG: THE POINT IS
CG: YOU ARE NOT *ALLOWED* TO BE THE LEADER OF THIS TEAM.
CG: THAT IS AN ORDER.
CG: FROM YOUR *REAL* LEADER.
gallowsCalibrator [GC] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CG: OH YOU DID NOT
CG: JUST
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.

New Terezi/Sollux Game (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<>TAVROS)

[heecawroo]

[if possible can this be a friendship game? i wasn't sure if that was allowed, if it isn't then either <> or <3 i guess]



Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you've lost control of your life.



It was three days ago that you were manipul8d into staring at the bright Alternian sun, ending the cycle of revenge between you and your FLARPing cohorts once and for all. The act blinded you, and you somehow managed to crawl back to your hive where you've been hiding ever since. You haven't been eating well since you can't see to catch or prepare meals, and you're still wearing the same clothes stained with three nights of sleeping in your slime puddle. And now your computer is pinging with another new message.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Heeeeeeeey!
AG: I'm sending someone over to your hive. So don't say I never did anything for you!
AG: You won't 8elieve how long it took 8efore I could get control of him again. I guess he was specifically 8locking me out? Whatever, he'll 8e up there to help you out pretty soon.
AG: And I know you still can't read this, so you'll pro8a8ly freak out or sta8 him with something when he gets there. Don't kill him though, he was pretty much the only option to send you!
AG: I'll have him read this to you when he gets there, and once you know what's going on........
AG: Try not to sta8 him anyway. :::;)

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

You can't read any of that of course but you assume it's from the same person who's been messaging you non-stop for the past three days. Most likely it's Vriska. Why does she keep trolling you when you she knows you can't read any of it???

You wish she'd just leave you alone. You know now that you're blind it's only a matter of time before you either die from starvation or are ordered to your death by higher bloods. Blindness is a disability that leaves you useless and weak, and as such you would never be allowed to live with it. The less people you associate with from now on the longer it will be before the culling drones come to end your life, so you

Oh god you hope that isn't them knocking on the door.

==> Terezi: Answer the door

==>TEREZI: ANSWER THE DOOR (FILL: TEAM DIRK<>ROXY)

[pyrokineticvampire]

You fail to answer the door, because whoever is on the other side of said door is apparently too impatient to wait for your pathetically blind self to find it. You hear the door unlock from somewhere just ahead and to the left, then it opens and you can hear a low hum, like raw energy. There's another sound like footfalls before the humming stops.

"Hey tz," says your visitor.

You know immediately who it is, even if you can't see him looking at you through bi-coloured glasses or his double horns or the psionics that must be responsible for the humming sound. Yellow-blooded, lisping wonder, Sollux Captor.

Of all the trolls to show up at your hive, Sollux is okay. He won't be the type to focus on your hardship when right now you want to pretend everything's fine. He's a rambler, and you don't mind listening if it provides a decent enough distraction.

You consider your options.

==> Terezi: Invite Sollux in

==> Terezi: Tell Sollux to go away

New Kanaya <3< Gamzee Game (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<>TAVROS)

[heecawroo]

You have been searching for him for almost a sweep now.

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you will make Gamzee pay for the murders of your friends. (Not to mention everyone else's total acceptance of him now that Karkat is his moirail! You still don't trust him and you never will.)

He has hidden well, never showing his face except to Karkat, but you believe you have tracked him down at last. If you are right, he is right behind this door.

You have your lipstick chainsaw ready.

Kanaya: Kick open the door

>Kanaya: Kick open the door (FILL: TEAM Dualscar<3<Mindfang)

[retardokoolaid]

(gif warning)



You throw a kick at the door and it obediently opens for you.
You bet he's behind this door. YOU HEAR ME GAMZEE, THE JIG IS UP.



Ah-ha! Caught red handed, you bastard. You stop killing everyone with your inappropriate behavior this instaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH



>_

New Eridan <3< Sollux (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<>TAVROS)

[heecawroo]

Everyone always told him the same thing.

"Sollux isn't interested in you like that, quit bugging him."

Eridan just had to mention Sollux's name to get the same exasperated look. From Terezi, Kanaya... even Karkat was doing it now. But Eridan knew better. They hadn't seen what happened on LOBAF. They just kind of got a vague retelling of it, they'd have to have been there to really know what Eridan knew, that Sollux was head over heels as black as pitch for him.

He was just denying it for some reason.

==> Sollux: Explain the reason

Sollux: Explain the reason (FILL: TEAM DIRK<>ROXY)

[pyrokineticvampire]

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TA: hey tz what's up?
GC: TROLL1NG TH3 HUM4NS, WHY?
TA: ju2t a2kiing.
TA: there'2 nothiing two do around here except read kk'2 memo2 and everyone know2 none of u2 really pay attentiion two them but he wriite2 them anyway becau2e he mu2t really enjoy wa2tiing people2 tiime a2 a hobby iincludiing hii2 own.
TA: don't know whiich of hii2 temporal 2elve2 ii2 the wor2t yet but ii'm 2trongly 2u2pectiing iit'2 all of them.
GC: ...SOLLUX? >:?
GC: 4R3 YOU OK4Y?
TA: why wouldn't ii be fiine
TA: ii'm ju2t bored a2 fuck.
GC: DON'T TRY TO FOOL M3 SOLLUX 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR POORLY M4SK3D L13S!
TA: how could you po22iibly smell them through text
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL TH3M FROM 4CROSS TH3 ROOM, DUMB4SS.
GC: 4ND YOU JUST 4DM1TT3D TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG TO SM3LL 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3 SO MY SUSP1C1ONS 4R3 NOW B4CK3D UP W1TH PUR3 F4CT
GC: SO SP1T 1T OUT.
TA: iit2 2tupiid, iit doe2n't matter.
GC: SOLLUX.
TA: well ii'm not lyiing
TA: eriidan can be de2criibed a2 "2tupiid and doe2n't matter" can't he?
GC: HM. YOU M4Y PROC33D.
TA: ii triied talkiing two ff and 2he refu2ed two get iinvolved, 2ayiing 2he wouldn't get pulled iinto beiing au2pii2tiice.
TA: but iit'2 not liike ii want two be ed'2 kii2me2ii2 anyway, ii ju2t want hiim two back off.
GC: 1 DONT KNOW, 1V3 B33N S3NS1NG SOM3 D1ST1NCTLY BL4CK T1NG3D SC3NTS FROM YOU TWO
GC: WH4TS TH3 PROBL3M?
TA: waiit can you actually 2mell hate and piity liike that?
GC: Y3S SOM3T1MES
GC: D3P3NDS ON WHO 1T 1S 4ND WHO TH3 F33L1NGS D1R3CT3D 4T
GC: YOU 4ND 3R1D4N SM3LL L1K3 L1GHTN1NG 4ND F1R3 WH3N YOU G3T P4RT1CUL4RLY H4T3FUL
TA: huh
GC: 1S TH4T TH3 SM3LL OF 4 SP33CHL3SS SOLLUX? WH4T 4 R4R3 J3M OF 4 H4PP3NST4NC3
TA: ii dont know ii gue22 ii ju2t never thought he wa2 for real.
TA: ju2t de2perate.
GC: >;]
TA: what
GC: > ;]
GC: >;]
TA: tz what doe2 that even mean
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD GO T4LK TO H1M
TA: no way he'2 the biigge2t a22hat ii've ever had the mii2fortune two meet and ii've met a lot of a22hat2.
GC: SOLLUX TH4TS SORT OF THE PO1NT
TA: ...riight. thank2 tz.
GC: >;]
TA: cut that out

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Sollux: Confront Eridan.

New Jade<3<Nepeta Game (FILL: TEAM DIRK<3JAKE<3JANE<3ROXY)

[fayharley]

Your name is JADERI HARLEY and you are a TROLL. You have a variety of interests including VIOLENT ANIMATION FOR WRIGGLERS and THE DEVELOPMENT OF TACTICAL NUCLEAR WARHEADS. These interests have propelled you on a exciting career path in the ALTERNIAN MILITARY.

Your branch of the glorious fleet has been sent to a dinky little planet called EARTH in order to subdue it for the arrival of Her Imperial Condescension. Even though you are only a green blood you have been trusted with a platoon of foot soldiers deployed to the surface. This is the moment you have been waiting for all the sweeps of your life. Your FIRST CONQUEST is going smoothly, the townspeople are falling to their knees. All of them except one FOOL.

==> Nepeta: Be the defiant human fool

==> Nepeta: Be the defiant human fool (FILL: TEAM Eridan <3< Vriska)

[myrrh_darkwing]

Your name is NEPE LEIJON, and you have absolutely NO IDEA why anyone would want to take over your planet, much less have the audacity to try to make you kneel before them while managing to get your name wrong in the same sentence. Seriously, where did those extra two letters even come from? Is it, like, an alien rule that all names must have six letters or something? You add that to your list of ways in which aliens are stupid and also weird-- efurrypawdy knows it's last names that have six letters, seven if you're special. First names have four. It's kind of amazing, actually. You've known aliens existed for all of thirteen minutes now, and already you have over a hundred reasons on your list.

But anyway, you're not about to bow before some arrogant alien girl with delusions of grandeur and a (from what you've seen so far) god complex. At least, you think she's a girl. Who knows, with these stupid stupid dumb dumb aliens who aren't anything like what you thought aliens would be? You bet they don't even like cats.

==> Nepe: Stubbornly refuse to bow before arrogant alien girl.

New JADE<3ROSE Game (FILL: TEAM JADE<3KARKAT)

[sakiexcel]

Your name is JADE HARLEY and you are in the middle of a crisis.

Your BIRTHDAY is in a week, which means that your WONDERFUL GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY is in slightly more than a week. You have no doubt that you will be thrilled to receive whatever Rose gives you, but you are less certain that she'll be happy with your gift, particularly considering that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOUR GIFT TO GIVE HER. Not only is Rose generally impossible to shop for, but she is also highly likely to view any gift as a PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE JAB.

What can you possibly get her that will show her how much you care?



This is beyond you. You're going to need outside help with this.

JADE: Consult friends for advice.

JADE: Consult friends for advice. (FILL: TEAM DIRK<3ROXY)

[shinigamishi]

You open up pesterchum and try to decide which friend to ask first. You could ask Dave, whose keen understanding of IRONY gives him an edge on deciphering Rose's mindset, but he might slip into extended rap metaphors that are even more confusing than trying to figure out the gift on your own. No, it's probably better to ask John first and see if you can avoid the rap.

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

GG: john!
GG: i need your help!
EB: oh hi jade.
EB: what do you need help with?
GG: my birthday is in a week
GG: which means roses birthday is in only a little bit more than a week!!!
GG: and i have no idea what to get her!!!!!!!
EB: wow that's sure a lot of exclamation points!
EB: don't worry!
EB: i'm sure she'll love whatever you give her.
GG: but what if she thinks im being passive aggressive????
EB: well that is a possibility...
GG: thats why i need your help!
EB: ...
EB: sorry, i'm totally stumped! :(
EB: i'm actually still trying to figure out what to get you all!
EB: it's kind of hard to shop for all three of my best friends at once.
GG: oh right........
GG: so you really dont have any advice?
EB: nope.
EB: sorry.
EB: have you asked dave?
GG: not yet
GG: i guess ill ask him now

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --



> Jade: Consult the Coolkid.

New Calliope/uu Game (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<>TAVROS)

[heecawroo]

[It's a humanstuck with uu being a split personality of Calliope's]


Your name is Calliope and you are very tired.



You’ve spent every night this week staring at this screen until morning, and it’s wearing your body down. You would just go to bed now—it’s not like you have anything to do—but you’re too afraid of what will happen if you do.



Recently it’s come to your attention that when you go to sleep… Your body doesnt. Animated by a malevolent evil personality sharing your body, you run about causing havoc and stepping on bugs.

You don’t know much about this personality, but you assume she (or he, you don’t know!) is an evil spirit that got lost on it’s way to another world, and is now taking its frustration out on you.

So you see going to bed isn’t an option.

But you’re so tired…

==> Calliope: Lose consciousness

==> Calliope: Lose consciousness. (FILL: TEAM Eridan <3< Vriska)

[myrrh_darkwing]

So very, very tired...

Maybe just a little nap wouldn't hurt. It's not like you can help it, anyway, since your eyelids seem to be slipping shut of their own accord...

The world is black and silent now. You think you might like it better this way, actually.

==> Evil split personality: ARISE!

New Gamzee<3<Dave Game (Fill: Team Dave<3Karkat)

[lacertae_dreamscape]

Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and you are currently on a MOVING METEOR directed towards a NEW UNIVERSE.

You have been hiding for a while in your respiteblock because your moirail thought you were a bit OUT OF IT and needed some good ol motherfuckin shooshpapping, especially since you haven't been in touch with a SOPOR PIE since the start of the GAME.

Not that you would ever want to touch one of those motherfuckin pies ever again, bro. You like having your thinkpan all up and clean and sharp.

Better to be used for thinkin up miracles like fillin up your quadrant.



That is why you left your respiteblock without telling your moirail, and are currently making your way through the corridors, searching for someone.

==>Gamzee: Explain what you are talking about

You have been thinking for a while to stake a claim on a motherfucker COOLKID dressed in a RED GODTIER OUTFIT, and you are pretty much sure all your thinking has left you prepared for all of it.

You are going to Black-woo DAVE motherfuckin STRIDER and you're going to have him falling into your heated black clutches by the end of the week, success guaranteed, no refunds.



MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS.

==> Gamzee: Initiate Plan

==> Gamzee: Initiate Plan (FILL: TEAM JAKE<3JOHN)

[genello]

Your plan is simple. All the best motherfuckin' plans are. The best also require you to know where the fucker is.

He likes coffee (that shitnasty liquid made of foul fuckin' bitter berries). You'll try the coffee-maker.

And if he is there, then you can sneak up and hOnk all up in his business. And he'll spill his gross-ass drink everywhere and--and it'll be a fuckin' great start to black courtship, that's what. Motherfuckin' yes.

If he's not there, you can just go somewhere else. Not before breaking the coffee-maker though. (But really, you know it'll be more of a blessing than a curse. Honestly, you're saving the fucker from that blasphemous poison.)

Maybe after that you can engage in a hateful rap-off with no black equivalent in all of paradox space. Yeah. How fuckin' awesome would that be? You're almost swooning in black throes just thinking of it.

Having a kismesis is gonna be so fucking great.

You just gotta find the motherfucker first.

==>Gamzee: Find the Motherfucker

New [Dave<3Jade] Game (FILL: TEAM [Rose<3Sollux])

[friendwish]

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you have suddenly been given ~*~*~*KAWAII NEKO EARS DESU ~*~*~* by a member of the FANDOM. However, that is not the worst of your problems.


Immediately following the sudden appearance of said EARS, it seems that a crowd of FANDOM members has arrived on the premise. They are looking at you as if they are the hungry lions and you are the fragile, delicious sheep. Unfortunately, you are unable to abscond, and your friends are currently in no position to help you at the moment.

To make matters worse, a FANDOM member has just suggested stripping you of your clothes. The FANDOM shall not rest until they see you naked.


Stop being such a wuss. Perhaps you should defend yourself.

>DAVE:BRING OUT THE CANON

>DAVE:BRING OUT THE CANON (FILL: TEAM GAMZEE<3<TEREZI)

[usapin]

CANNONKIND IS NOT YOUR STRIFE DECK, DUMBASS.

You lay down on the floor in defeat as you consider your chance at surviving this. You're a smart boy, and you've calculated a lot of plans. You've got plans A-Z ready. Oh my god is that a collar with laces and a bell on it.


You better act fast, sooner or later they'll demand the yaoi.

>DAVE: GO TO PLAN J

New Gen Game (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[astrologicallydubious]

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are one of the best COPS in the ALTERNIAN POLICE DEPARTMENT. It's one of the ROUGHEST BEATS IN THE UNIVERSE, and it's a TOUGH JOB to keep it SAFE, but you have a KNACK FOR JUSTICE and the entire FORCE under your THUMB.

However, it's been a rather slow morning, and you are currently waiting for an assignme-- hold on.

Speak of the devil, your PARTNER is contacting you.

TA: wake up tz we've got a ca2e here.
TA: one ii thiink you'll be iintere2ted two hear about.
GC: OH >:?
TA: yeah thii2 one miight be tough.
GC: H4! TH3R3 1S NOT 4 CR1M1N4L 1N 4LL OF 4LT3RN14 TH4T 1 C4NT PUT TO JUST1C3
GC: 3V3N TH3 OBNOX1OUS F34TH3RB34STS J4YW4LK1NG DOWNTOWN F34R TH4T 1 W1LL C4TCH TH3M COMM1T1NG TH13R H31NOUS D33DS
GC: NOW T3LL M3 4BOUT TH1S "TOUGH" C4S3 >:]

> Sollux: Tell her about this "tough" case.

>Sollux: Tell her about this "tough" case. (FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA)

[macca44552]

TA: iim at the alterniian natiional mu2eum.
TA: the triident of her iimperiiou2 conde2cen2iion the fiir2t ha2 been 2tolen.
GC: TH3 F1RST, HUH?
GC: 1 B3T YOUR3 D1S4PPO1NT3D >:]
TA: youre ju2t two funny, tz.
TA: ii am liitterally 2hiittiing my2elf over here.
GC: OBV1OUSLY
GC: BUT 4NYW4Y, YOU S41D TH1S C4SE W4S "TOUGH"
GC: 3NL1GHT3N M3 M1ST3R 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST!
TA: iits not a hard concept two gra2p.
TA: ba2iically
TA: we thiink iit2 her.
GC: H3R?
TA: her.

>Be 'her'

New Jade<3Rose Game (FILL: TEAM JANE<3JAKE)

[veryberrybunch]

Your name is JADE HARLEY and today is a very special day! You are a young WITCH, and as with all that have proceed you, you are going to be given a human! Well, not really. But you have been assigned a human girl to trick into making THREE WISHES from you. These wishes will usually be twisted to create whatever mischief you can think of. You don’t know why this is done, but you suspect it may be because the people who made this system were just MAJOR ASSHOLES. Anyways, you are excited because this will be your first assignment! You cannot wait until you met this girl named ROSE LALONDE. You ride on your broom up to the girl’s bedroom window.

>Jade: Look inside.

>Jade: Look inside. (FILL: TEAM BRO<3DAVE)

[candyredcoolkid]

You steady yourself and look through the window. One of the curtains has been left open, so you can peek inside- lucky!



It doesn't look like she's in her room though. Bummer.

=> Rose: Return home from your late-night walk.

New JADE<3FEFERI Game (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3TAVROS)

[tavdos]

Your name is JADE HARLEY.





You just found what you're pretty sure is SOME KIND OF MERMAID washed up on your beach. You think she's unconscious, but she doesn't look wounded.

What will you do?

Jade: CPR!!

>Jade: CPR!! (FILL: TEAM GAMZEE<3<TEREZI)

[usapin]

You roll her over to perform CPR.



Whoa... She sure looks pretty. You stop to regard her for a minute. She is so much different from you, with her gray skin and pink scales. As well as she has gills. You imagine she must be some kind of important mermaid due to her fancy jewelry.



You stop for a moment of thought. Do mermaids even breathe like humans? Not only does she have a mouth, but you can spot gills on her sides as well as her neck.

...

Oh well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.



>Be Feferi

New Eridan<3Sollux Game [FILL: TEAM DAVE<3VRISKA]

[calamitouscorsair]

Your name is Eridan Ampora and you are standing in front of a huge enormous towering screamy ride of death, aka a rollercoaster. It is aptly named "The Neck-Breaker".

"Oh my cod ok there is no way I am going on that thing."

"No shut up we came to Six Flags in like 98 degree weather for a reason. Now stop being a wuss and come on."

"But Solll it's called the Neck-Breaker! What the hell kinda name is that? I'm goin to die and you're goin to have to carry my fabulous lifeless body back to everyone and aghhh."

Sollux sighed and softened a little. "Look, I promise it's not that bad. I'll be right there, okay." He twined his right hand in Eridan's, and pecked his cheek.

Eridan eyed him warily, then sighed in a clearly disgruntled way. "Fine. But if I do actually die from this terrifyin' monstrosity of a ride, you're paying for my funeral. My eulogy better be fan-fuckin-tastic."

==>Sollux: Drag your whiny boyfriend to the ride already

Sollux: Drag your whiny boyfriend to the ride already (FILL: Team Davesprite<3Karkat

[noumenon]

"Not only are you going to have to carry me!" His boyfriend continued ranting. "Consider your ass haunted if I die here."

Sollux rolled his eyes and tugged Eridan along. "I know I have a choice ass, but that's no reason to spend all of your afterlife circling around it like a hungry bird."

Eridan huffed out his cheeks and took his seat on the rollercoster.
"You had better not let go of my hand, Sollux. I mean it."

"I wouldn't dream of it."
It was about now that Sollux was trying to figure out whether this was going to be horrendous or amazing.

As Eridan clung tightly to his arm, Sollux decided that yeah, this would be very nice.

==>Eridan: Freak out because you hate this ride.

New NEPETA <3/<3< JADE Game (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3TAVROS)

[sugary_acid]

Your name is NEPETA LEIJON and you're pawsitively the cutest kitten to exist!You live with your owner ROSE LALONDE. She's really cool and even gave you a room of your own!! Though the colors aren't what you would've chosen it's still perfect!

==>Nepeta:Look out the window and see if you can find your owner

You can't seem to find her,there are always so many cars....
Oh there she is!! She's pulling up near the house. It looks like she's gotten something in the car, what could it be???

==>Nepeta: Ponder about what could be in the car

==>Nepeta: Ponder about what could be in the car (FILL: TEAM EQUIUS<3GAMZEE)

[brightgray]

Maybe Rose brought yarn! Or maybe delicious food and drinks! It doesn't happen often, but you can dream! Oh boy you just can't wait to see wh-



WHAT IS THAT SMELL.

>Be Rose

New Dave<3Tavros Game (Fill: Team Dave<3Karkat)

[lacertae_dreamscape]

Your name is TAVROS NITRAM.

You have been preparing for TODAY for quite some time (you haven't really been keeping count of how long, but if you had, it would be at least half a perigee. But you haven't. uUHHH, rEALLY,) and are now making your way towards one COOLKID's house.

You are going to ASK DAVE STRIDER OUT for a date. You are going to show up with A BUNCH OF FLOWERS and some SICK RAPS prepared specifically for this occasion, ready to unleash them on Dave's, uUHHHH, sOFT ASSGLOBES.

You are going to win the ironic coolkid in the most UNIRONICAL way ever, and you are going to SWEEP HIM OFF HIS FEET.



He will not be able to resist, your charms, probably. You have been practicing with your MOIRAIL and you even asked a few people who know Dave.

You are going to do it.

You are going to, uUHHH, mAKE IT, hAPEN, as Dave would say.

==> Tavros: knock on Dave's door and commence act of courtship

New Eridan<3<Rose Game (FILL: TEAM Dave<3Tavros)

[milkbar]

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and your day has just been THOROUGHLY RUINED FOREVER.

It started KIND OF WELL, as nothing excepcionally wrong had happened to you in any way, shape or form. The closest thing was that your FAVORITE CAFETERIA ON CAMPUS, the only one who had your favorite lactose-free soy caramel mint green tea latte was full of OTHER DOUCHEBAGS in a LONG AS HELL LINE. There were like, twenty people in front of you, all chatting and laughing and flirting with the cute barista and taking for-flipping-ever to order their goddamn beverages. You hated them. You were the only one allowed to flirt with the cute barista.

You were so captivated by the sight of him yelling his extensive list of colorful expletives to the face of a very embarrassed new employee that it took you a while to realize the person in front of you had left, making it one less asshole between you and your beloved lactose-free soy caramel mint green tea latte. To be honest, you only realized they had left because THE ASSHOLE BEHIND YOU very unkindly SHOVED YOU, making you trip on your own feet and you ended up ungraciously crashing on the next person in front of you.

Which happened to be your ARCHENEMY, your NEMESIS, the GANDALF to your SARUMAN, the VOLDEMORT to your DUMBLEDORE, the WINTER to your FOREIGN POWER INVADING RUSSIA.

Rose Lalonde.

You have been standing in this line too long to abscond. You really want your lactose-free soy caramel mint green tea latte.

When you become president of the world you are going to outlaw her smirk.



===> Eridan: Be Rose.

==> Eridan: Be Rose (FILL: TEAM Eridan <3< Vriska)

[myrrh_darkwing]

You are now ROSE LALONDE, and your day has actually been going PRETTY WELL.

You WOKE UP this morning just in time to watch the first rays of the SUN peek shyly through the CLOUDS, tinting them all sorts of interesting colours. However, you could really care less about all of this, so you're not even sure why it's worth mentioning.

You then had a PLEASANT CONFRONTATION with your OBNOXIOUS ROOMMATE, one very untidy and melodramatic girl by the name of VRISKA SERKET, which involved ruining a perfectly good batch of PANCAKES by adding in CHOCOLATE CHIPS instead of DELICIOUS SYRUP. This is how most of your mornings get started, actually. You just don't consider it a morning without some sort of argument. This is actually a GOOD THING, since it gets you into prime arguing form for the rest of the day.

A form that right now, looks like it might be about to be tested. Tested by the only person you have ever met who is MORE ANNOYING than your roommate.

Looks like your trip to the COFFEE SHOP just got more interesting.

"Hello, Ampora," you say politely, with that MOCKING EDGE to your voice that you know absolutely infuriates him, and that little half-smirk you have it on good authority that he COMPLETELY HATES. "Your manners are as nice as ever, I see."

==> Eridan: Take the bait!

New Gamzee<3Jane Game (FILL: TEAM Dirk<3Jake<3Jane<3Roxy)

[thatreevesgirl]

The Heiress and the Potion Master: The game where Jane and Gamzee own a pastry shop which sells baked goods and magical elixirs.

So if anyone would have come up to you a year ago and told you that in only twelve short months you would go from being a normal, average girl; to a girl who has saved universea, beat Sburb, and even found love with some weird clown alien who you met on the first steps of your Sburb journey--you'd call them crazy.

To be fair, you might be crazy.

You are absolutely positive that your boyfriend is crazy.

And not like normal boyfriends can be crazy, but literally coo-coo--not right in the head, has to worry about him making magical elixirs out of you while you sleep--crazy.

When did his being absolutely nuts become endearing?

When did having trolls around become the norm?

Gamzee comes over and sits next to you. He gives you one of his lazy smiles, It is accented by the tips of several sharp, pointed teeth. He looks simultaneously serene and absolutely terrifying. He leans in slowly, as to not spook you, and carefully kisses your cheek. After a moment he goes in for a second kiss, this time gently on your lips.

For a giant, murderous clown alien, he can certainly be the gentle sort when he wants to be.

>Gamzee: Tell Jane all about the new potion you whipped up earlier today

>Gamzee: Tell Jane all about the new potion you whipped up earli (FILL: TEAM KARKAT<3NEPETA)

[slippy]

Your name is Gamzee Makara. You are getting a really bitchtits snuggle going on here, your hands smell of fresh blood, and you are in love as motherfuck. You are in love such as you wouldn't even put it that way to your homegirl, since Jane would go and all make her one eyebrow sarcastic, you'd say you're steeped up in dopest flush and she'd smile and roll her eyes only a little bit. In fact she is smiling some already.

It's a good moment.

"So I went for the motherfucking birds," you say as you smooch her cheek again, because she don't hold much with the birds, so it's cool.

"Birds? What? Gamzee, what do birds have to do with anything," she says, and whoops, it sounds like there goes the smile.

You lean back to get a look in on her face, and yep. Now it's the suspicion. But at least it's the kind where she pretty much already knows what's up and coming, though.

"So, uh, there was earlier today when I up and made me another kind of a potion," you say, and then get into some details so she doesn't have overmuch time to get stern. "Birds and motherfucking mantids is what I went for in the ways of ingredients. You know how fuckin' hard it is to get blood right and proper out of them buggy motherfuckers? A brother can try for mirth as hard as possible, but it's only the littlest bit that production will offer you. Aw, Miss Mary Jane, come on, you don't even like birds. You let Dirk eat 'em."

"Don't call me that," she says all proper, like she does, and sighs and huffs herself straight into your arms. "Fine. Both of you can terrorise the seagull population of the new world, see if I care. Let's make pies out of the damn things!"

You pet at her, all relieved she's taking it easy. She's good at taking shit in stride, scaling up to match, never a push-over. Girl is real and righteous. "Fuck yeah, babe. I already had to go and set the meat aside proper. Dirk's going to be all up and flipping happiest kinds of shit if we go and do that."

"Now, there are two things that I am trying to bring myself to ask," Jane sighs. "Will it be 'why the devil do you insist on making these creepy potions', or will it be 'what is a mantisgull potion supposed to do, anyway'?

> Jane: Pick a question.

New Gen Game (FILL: TEAM Bro<3John)

[kuumpiim]

Your name is DAVE LEE and you are currently getting YOUR ASS BEATEN by BRO-SENSEI.

He says he's teaching you valuable life lessons, but you just think he wants you to suffer as he forces you to wear a green jumpsuit around. Of course it's the right amount of hilarity and ridiculousness that no one will take you seriously as a NINJA-IN-TRAINING, but you'll never reveal to him that you secretly think it matches your bowlcut.

Bro-sensei announces that the daily ass-whooping is over and pulls out a skateboard, ollying out of there on the trees. What you'd give to be able to do a ninjutsu like that.

So, what do you do for the rest of the day?

==>Dave: Bleat like a goat and piss on your ankle weights.

==>Dave: Bleat like a goat and piss on your ankle weights. (Fill: Team Dirk<3Jake<3Jane<3Roxy)

[playerprophet]

Are you kidding? Do you even KNOW how difficult those things are to wash?

You do consider for a moment bleating for a goat for distraction purposes in your next training session. Yeah right, Bro-Sensei will never fall for that.

It seems like you have the rest of the afternoon free, at least until Bro-sensei jumps you out of nowhere again for another "lesson". You can hardly get a bowl of ramen in peace without pissing yourself when he jumps out of nowhere. Lousy goddamn stupid mentors trying to make you better in the field of your interest.

You think your friends might be finishing up their lessons around town too. Maybe if you hurry you can arrive in time to tease them about their failures before confessing your own.

==>Dave: Find your friends

New JOHN<3KANAYA Game (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[para_normally]

Your name is JUDE EGBERT. However, the most important person in the world calls you DAD.

Besides, the mention of your first name tends to elicit tired jokes of the "take a sad song and make it better" variety, and for all your CHEERFUL DEMEANOUR and GENTLEMANLY COMPOSURE, you will be having no more of that shit in this or any lifetime.

The most important person in the world is, of course, your young son JOHN.

Unfortunately, JOHN has just come tearing down the stairs in a mild panic, his hair standing on end and his eyes wide. He trips over the last few steps and you run to catch him. Both of you topple to the floor.

He informs you, gasping for breath, that there's a vampire in his closet.

> Dad: OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN

Dad: OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[threeley]

There is simply NO TIME TO WASTE. You take hold of John and carry him down the stairs. His protests of Dad I can run on my own go LARGELY IGNORED. You tell him that this is an emergency situation and you need to get to safety.

You can hear footsteps on the floor above and the soft TUT-TUTTING of what must be the vampire. You do not care to find out what has inspired the vampire's disdain; you are this close to safety.

You reach the front door and push John outside. You are the FUCKING DAD OF THE YEAR. It is you.

>Dad: Haven't you forgotten something?

New ROXY<3JANE Game (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[threeley]

Your name is ROXY HOOD and you're in hiding. Maybe you wouldn't NEED to be if PRINCESS BETTY hadn't completely usurped your mother's throne, and then put a price on your head. Seriously, who does that?

Still, life in SKAIWOOD FOREST isn't completely terrible. You have your partner in crime, LITTLE DIRK, and your band of MERRY CARAPACES.

And of course, there is at least one royal you can trust with everything - Maid Jane. She has been your closest friend since you were children. You don't know what you would do without her.

Speaking of - she doesn't normally show up at your, er, humble abode. You wonder what's going on?

"Roxy! You have to get out of here!"

You raise an eyebrow. "Jaaaney. Jane, calm down and breeeathe. Like this." You inhale and exhale slowly.

Jane does not follow suit. You love Jane, but she really sucks at following directions sometimes. "No, listen to me. You have to get out of Skaiwood Forest. If you don't, then you'll-"

"Oh man, this fuckin game again where they try to kill me and can't because they are totes awful at strategems." You wrap an arm around her shoulders. "I told you. Nobody can outfox the Rox."

Jane smiles, and wow even when it's not a complete smile like that, it's so sweet. Your heart is just a big puddle. "I take it the logical conclusion is that nobody can outfoxy Roxy?"

You laugh because that's not even a word and she knows it and she broke her rules about using the properiest English just for you. "Yes. Yes, exactly that."

"All candor aside... I am quite worried about you because Princess Betty has come up with something of a diabolical plot to permanently remove you from the picture."

Roxy: Oh what is her royal butt up to now.

New Karkat<3Terezi Game (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[astrologicallydubious]

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are currently standing outside the hive of one TEREZI PYROPE.

Well, as "outside the hive" as you can feasibly get, considering it's in a tree. You're standing on the ground by the trunk looking almost straight up at her door. It's about twelve kinds of ridiculous that she lives so high off the ground, like what, is she trying to misplace her cane and accidentally fall to her death? Stupid trolls cull themselves, you guess.

But you know Terezi isn't stupid, and she's also pretty experienced with the trees, if the number of scalemates hanging by their necks over branches, with stuffing poking out of their ripped fabric, is any indication. Seriously, what a creep.

She invited -- or rather, "SUMMON3D," in her own words -- you to her hive to "4SS1ST 1N 4N 1NV3ST1G4T1ON," but she wouldn't tell you any more than that. Frankly, it's pretty suspicious and you suspect you're walking right into a trap, or at least another thinkpan-numbing roleplay session, but you can't ignore the possibility that she really does want your help with something. Unlikely, considering the "request" was couched in other excuses like "BUT YOU H4V3NT V1S1T3D M3 1N 4G3S K4RK4T" and "4R3 YOU R34LLY GO1NG TO M4K3 4 BL1ND G1RL W4LK FOR H4LF 4 N1GHT JUST TO S33 YOU >:[" that make it pretty obvious she just wants something stupid like sniffing your eyes to try to guess the color of your blood.

Despite that, you walked half a night for whatever shitty reason she won't tell because she's obnoxiously coy like that, and then she didn't even have the decency to throw down a ladder or something so you can get in.

> Karkat: Yell.

>Karkat: Yell (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<3SOLLUX)

[dodostad]

That should have gotten her attention.



>Karkat: Call her name

New JANE<3JAKE Game (FILL: TEAM DIRK<3ROXY)

[2xknifekind]

Your name is JANE CROCKER, and you are pretty sure you're going to fail at this whole confessing-your-feelings thing.

Today is the day, though! It HAS to be. It's JAKE ENGLISH's birthday (who happens to be that heartthrob dreamboat you've been mooning over for the last three years in high school, just so you know) and you're pretty sure that he's finally free for the, er, snagging.

He has, in fact, just recently gotten over his break-up with his boyfriend -- and, er, best friend! Dirk Strider. Actually, your friend too. Since you, he, and Dirk (as well as your not-sister best friend Roxy) are all sort of in the bffsies zone, so. It's a bit awkward.

...But you and Dirk had also been competing for Jake's affection for a good majority of those three years as well. He eventually won out after you blew it ten months ago, and you'd nearly given up on ever having a chance to strike at your man. Until two months ago, when Dirk abruptly broke it off and, well, sort of broke Jake's heart. (You'd nearly wrung him through for that, but then again, where did you have any say?) Then again, he had often reminded you in the early stages of their relationship (in friendly banter) that you had waited too long to make a move.

That it was his turn.

...Well.

Now it's your turn.

Jake was finally recovering, or so your sources say. (Meaning, you'd sort of been stalking him a bit other than being his friend, but let's keep that to ourselves, hm?) So that meant that you could perhaps cue the lights and take action? Hopefully. You knew that Dirk and Jake had been pretty, ah, close. Really close. As in, sneaking-off-on-a-perpetual-basis-for-makeouts-and-probably-more close.

Uh.

Yeah.

Not like you knew that or anything.

Uhhhh.

> Jane: Put this tomfoolery aside for now and prepare for school.

> Jane: Put this tomfoolery aside for now and prepare for school. (FILL: Team John<3Jade)

[prophet_of_fluff]

You quickly shake off your thoughts and begin to get dressed. As you put on your school uniform (which is one of the lamest things you've ever had to wear), you think about just how you're going to tell him. Do you tell him outright? Write it in a card? Give him something that's bound to make him notice your feelings?

You stop, remembering that you do have a present for him. You bought it last weekend with Roxy. How could you forget that? You search your room for the light blue box, finding it in your closet. You stuff it in your backpack without hesitation and run downstairs, seeing as the bus will be here any minute. You barely have any time to grab your breakfast. Thankfully, you made it on time as the bus is pulling in. You hop on the bus and quickly take a seat next to Roxy.

> Roxy: Discuss the plan with Jane

New Rose<3Davesprite Game (FILL: DIRK<3JAKE<3JANE<3ROXY)

[veira]

Your name is Davesprite and you're not really here. You're actually a few blocks away in a hard drive as a bundle of binary and electrons spinning themselves through silicon-and-gold circuits. You're a dataghost, which means you used to be alive but now you're a computer program. But none of that really matters at the moment, because you are bringing this grody ass television back to the apartment you share with your... friend. Yeah, let's go with that.

How are you holding it? Look, you don't have time to explain tactile holograms right now. You're kind of a big deal. You have a semi-popular blog, okay. You're an underground noise musician. Your day is a little full at the moment.

Damn, this TV is heavy.

> Davesprite: Go home already!

[COMMAND] (FILL: TEAM [Nepeta<3Terezi])

[vulturer]

You'll go at your own pace, thanks very much. Keeping hold on physical objects ain't exactly a breeze, especially when you're used to zipping through the shadows as a cloud of invisible pixels. You're a data collector not a punkass go-fetch kid, but these days? You need all the e-waste you can get.

In this neck of the city, the walls are constantly dripping with old water, making every grate dissolve into rust and mineral buildup. Garbage piles here, exposed electrical cords there... Safety is a forsaken idea, but you'll never feel at home anywhere else. Not when fiberoptics line the walls and give you rapid access to everywhere.

You slither up the staircase to your rooftop dwelling and thunk the TV against the door. "Knock knock. Who's there? It's the mailman and he's got a package for a Miss Lalonde. It's thick, hard, and fucking heavy, so hustle or I'm billing you for my digital hospital bill."

>Rose: Let the big bad bird in.