BONUS ROUND 2

[hso_mods]

Bonus Round 2

The Return of Round Robin Fanadventures

Comments have been screened; we will be tallying the points over the next 48 hours or so, after which we will unscreen the comments. Comments have been unscreened! You may continue the fanadventures on this post as long as you like, though we will not be awarding further points.

Hi shippers! Welcome to Bonus Round 2.
Round Robin Fanadventures generated so much awesome stuff last year that we decided to bring it back!

For those who are new to HSO, this is not actually that complicated a concept, but it might be a little tricky to explain, so bear with me. The point of this round is to create a bunch of fanadventures that are for a team other than your own.

Rules

1. If you are starting a new adventure: start a new thread using the title format defined below. Include either text or 1-2 pieces of embedded art setting a scene (or both!), and finish with a command (==> does not count as a command for new threads). Then sit back and wait for someone else to contribute!
   
2. If you are continuing an adventure: find a thread that does not center around your team's ship. Then comment using the title format defined below. Include either text or 1-2 pieces of embedded art continuing the scene (or both!), and finish with a command (this can include ==>, though generally we would prefer otherwise). Then sit back and wait for someone else to contribute!
   
3. For ease of reading, we suggest using standardized image sizes. 600x400 landscape is a pretty good size! But as long as it's the same as the other images in the thread, people will have an easier time following along. The HTML for inserting images is <img src="http://yourimageurlhere.com">
   
4. For this challenge, there is no minimum wordcount. We are trusting you not to abuse that fact!
   
5. You may not comment twice in a row in one adventure. The point is to hand off the scene like a hot potato.
   
6. You may not introduce or create for your team's ship into a fanadventure. If someone else introduces your team's ship to a thread, you can still contribute to that thread so long as your contributions do not involve your ship.
   
7. This challenge will run until 11:59PM EDT July 7. After that time, even if it's just by a minute according to the LJ timestamp, no submissions will be accepted for points.

NOTES:

• Audio posts are fine, so long as you include a transcript.
  
• Please make sure to check that your titles are correct!
  
• You may answer commands that have already been answered. Think of it like a 'choose your own adventure' game!
  

Title Format
If you are starting a new thread, use this format in your title.
New [THEIR SHIP] Game (FILL: TEAM [YOUR SHIP])
Replace [THEIR SHIP] with the ship you want this particular fanadventure thread to be. Remember that you cannot create a fanadventure based on your own ship. Whatever ship you choose must be represented by a HSO team not your own. The only exception is gen adventures, which are permitted.
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with. If your team name is not in this format and in the title it may not be counted.

If you are continuing a thread, use this format in your title.
[COMMAND] (FILL: TEAM [YOUR SHIP])
Replace [COMMAND] with whatever command the previous fill has specified.
Replace [YOUR SHIP] with the name of the team YOU belong to; please use the characters and quadrant, not whatever portmanteau or nickname you've come up with.
If your title is not in this format it may not be counted.

Posts not using this format in the title will be understood to be unofficial discussion posts, no matter what they contain. They, like all comments on the comm, are subject to the Wank Policy.

Scoring
(as stated here)
First 5 entries per team: 30 (per entry)
Entries 6-10: 20 (per entry)
Entries 11-15: 10 (per entry)
Entries 16+: 5 (per entry)

All fanadventure content must be created new for this round.

We would prefer that any questions about this challenge or anything else in the HSO be emailed to us at homestuck.shipping AT gmail!

Comments

New John<3Jake Game (FILL: TEAM DIRK<3JAKE)

[puppetprince]

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and today is definitely not your birthday but it is FRIDAY, which you think is just like a mini-birthday without the presents or the getting older or numerous joys (lol jk) of cake. And, of course, you aren’t really celebrating or anything like you would do on your birthday and also none of your SO-CALLED FRIENDS have talked to you at all today, which they totally would have if it were actually April 13th. (You hope.)

Okay, so it isn’t really like a birthday at all but that doesn’t matter! Fridays are awesome, the end.

Friday happens to be the day you and your THREE FORMER BEST BUDS have MOVIE NIGHT. It’s a TRADITION.

But as was stated before, nobody has bothered to reply to your pesters or texts all day, so you guess movie night is a bust and the tradition is just being kicked to the curb.

It’s a shame because it was your turn to pick a movie and you had just the COOL ACTION FLICK in mind for the occasion. In fact, you’ve been telling everyone for days how excited you were about watching one of the greatest actors ever STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. (That is totally not the reason movie night isn’t happening by the way. You refuse to believe that anyone would pass up an opportunity to look upon the glorious face of Nic Cage, even if you have picked this movie no less than seven times before.)

At any rate, you aren’t about to let a bunch of BIG, DUMB, TRADITION-DESTROYING, CAGE-HATING BABIES ruin your night, so you say to hell with them and decide to rent National Treasure anyway. So what if you’ll spend your Friday alone in your tiny crappy apartment, watching movies by yourself? You don’t care!



> John: Ignore the sharp pang of rejection and ache of loneliness Enter the video store.

[> John: Enter the Video Store] (FILL: TEAM Dirk<3Equius)

[rje]

You can do that with ease! The bell jingles satisfyingly as you enter, but your winning smile is wasted on the lackluster employees who don't even look up. Wow, you are feeling majorly rejected from all corners today! You try to hide your disappointment and stroll nonchalantly to the action section. You hover around a little, hoping one of the employees will ask you what you're looking for, and then you can extol all the wondrous virtues of one Mr. Cage and the amazingness of his clever Declaration of Independence thieving plans, and they'll be so impressed they'll say you couldn't POSSIBLY watch such a masterpiece alone, and --
yeah nobody's coming over to ask you anything.

You sigh and turn to the wall of movies; looks like it's movie for one tonight. Oh there it is! The one single copy of it. Still on the shelf. Surprising, but lucky for you! You grin and start to reach for it --

"Well, what's this? National TREASURE, is it? That certainly sounds like a rip roaring good time! Right up my ally, by gum!"

Hey--! That jerk just snatched up your movie!

> John: Confront jerk

NEW Karkat c3< (Eridan/Feferi) Game (Fill: Team Eridan<>Rose)

[wallwalker]

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you've just regained consciousness. You're on a planet that you're not familiar with, in the middle of the night, in a forest that is actually kind of neat looking, with its endless network of vines and - oh, who are you kidding, it's fucking hideous and you're completely lost.

The good news, such as it is, is that there's no sign of pursuit. This is, in fact, amazing news; the entire reason that you've crash-landed on this forsaken planet is because you've been busy fleeing for your life with two of the highest-blooded members of Alternia's nobility in your small shuttle. You knew it was going to run out of fuel soon enough; you just hope you've managed to go far enough to lose your pursuers entirely.

The bad news, of course, is that both of your traveling companions regained consciousness before you could. You aren't entirely sure where they are, but you can hear them somewhere nearby. Arguing, of course. With each other.

Damn it. Can't they hold off for long enough that you can fucking get your bearings? You hope they can, because you've got to take a quick look around and figure out where you are. Sure, you care about their arguments, but that doesn't mean you're going to jump every time they sneer at each other.

> Karkat: Try to look around, already.

> Karkat: Try to look around, already. (FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<3KARKAT)

[crispychocolate]

((excuse me before i answer but this is perfect, thank you for making this. Also i would draw sth but right now i'm unable to.))

You look around and sigh in exasparation as you see that the trees are fucking tall and unable to be climbed. Well at least it should keep you hidden from anyone looking at the forest from the sky so your pursuers would have to land themselves in order to find you.

You are standing on a small clearing which has nothing much interesting to keep your concentration any longer since the bickering of your two friends has gotten louder and unignorable any longer.

You burst through some vegetation to interrup their quarrel with a "Ok that's enough!! We have more problems than arguing now! And for christs sake you could've at least woken me up instead of leaving to argue!!". You flash them an angry stare waiting for their response.

>Eridan and Feferi: Respond

New AR<3PM<3WV Game (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[astrologicallydubious]

You are the PARCEL MISTRESS of a small, happy town of carapaces. It is a sunny day and you have just started your MAIL ROUTE. Your job is to deliver MAIL to the citizens of your beloved town and you take this job very SERIOUSLY. By dutifully conveying each PACKAGE and LETTER to its rightful recipient, you are solemnly upholding the very FABRIC OF CIVILIZATION.

Speaking of PACKAGES and LETTERS, let's see where you're going today.

> PM: Check mail bag.

> PM: Check mail bag. (FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA)

[gjarble]

Hmm... it seems you have a light load today. All you have is one letter for Ms. Andrea Paint of 10 Can Drive, one letter for Dr. David Bri- OH NO.



There is a HOLE in your MAIL BAG measuring nearly half its width! Has that been there since you left the POST OFFICE? Good thing you caught it at the start of your route! You whip around and, sure enough, the streets behind you are littered with letters. You can barely bring yourself to look at the horrific scene- it is any upstanding PARCEL MISTRESS's worst nightmare.

But how could this have happened? Your bag isn't too old, and it's not coming apart along a seam. You doubt you ripped it by accident- the bag is too durable for you to have ripped so large a hole without noticing. No, there is only one possible explanation for this catastrophe:

SABOTAGE.

Some unscrupulous citizen wants to subvert their neighbors' rights to the safe and efficient transportation of private parcels! The MONSTER. The only thought stronger in your mind than that of bringing this scoundrel to JUSTICE at the hands of the town's AUTHORITY REGULATOR is your steadfast attention to your DUTY. You've never lost a letter, and you don't plan on starting today.

> PM: Pick up trail of letters.

New Karkat <3< Karkat Game (FILL: TEAM Equius <3 Tavros)

[djiinraidinnae]

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are pretty much okay with this.

Currently you are practicing CONTROLLED BREATHING, which is a new HOBBY (you call it a hobby, despite being ordered to do it) taught to you by the Ro-- eh... just ROSE. After spending a lot of time with them you've pretty much determined that Trolls and Humans aren't really all that different, despite the lack of the darker romances in their perceptions of necessity. That's... okay, you suppose, I mean, lucky for them it's one less thing to worry about, right? Anyway, they're just as douchey (or nice) as any Troll... except one.

But no, you can't think about "him." In fact, you've been all but banned from the TROLLIAN BOARDS because of "that guy," whichever one it is you're referring to. As if you'd ever want to talk with that person again anyway.

What a waste of skin, that load of trash. It's bad enough that you share the same body, which isn't exactly breaking news to anyone. I mean come on. You did read the GAME TOPIC, right? You should have already figured this out by now, hello--

Okay, okay, breathe. Just deep breaths in through the nose... 1... 2... 3... 4... slowly exhale through the mouth. Repeat: "I did the best I could with what I was given, and I will not stand in my way to make things right."

======> Karkat: Be interrupted

> Karkat: Be interrupted. (FILL: Team Karkat<3Karkat)

[doubleohally]

[FCG] has opened a memo.

[FCG] has responded to memo FINE QUIT BEING A BIG WIGGLER.


FCG: SEE THERE? NOW YOU CAN RESPOND TO A MEMO.
FCG: DON'T THINK I DON'T REMEMBER.
FCG: I'M YOU, I KNOW YOU'RE SITTING THERE MOPING AND BEING A HUGE WIGGLER.
FCG: FRANKLY, IT MAKES ME ABSOLUTLEY SICK TO MY STOMACH THINKING ABOUT
FCG: HOW MUCH OF A HUGE ASSHOLE YOU ARE OVER THIS.
FCG: IT'S LIKE YOUR THINKPAN JUST ISN'T WORKING RIGHT.
FCG: HOW MUCH OF A SHIT EATING NOOKSTAIN DO YOU HAVE TO EVEN ~~~BE~~~ TO GET UPSET OVER SOMETHING THIS DUMB.
FCG: YEAH, BESIDES, I'M FROM THE FUTURE.
FCG: I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO RESPOND.
FCG: AND OH FUCKING BOY I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE ME EVEN THOUGH YOU STILL BE FUCKING AWFULLY BECAUSE I WON'T BE THIS ME ANYMORE. YOU'LL BE THIS ME. WHICH MEANS THAT YOU'LL PROBABLY BE SHITTER THAN ME STILL.

You are not going to respond to that memo. Why did you even set it to make a sound when a board was created? Deep breaths. In, out, in, out, calm.....you must resist the urge.

> Karkat: Fail to resist the urge.

New [Dave<3Rose] Game (FILL: TEAM [Dirk<3Roxy])

[dommywells]

You fucking hate the cold, and you wish you kept your word all those times that you vowed to never come back because New England weather is such balls. However, Rose always manages to sweet-talk you into visiting, which isn't too difficult. She bribes you with plane tickets and a good time, and you ultimately favor in-person trysts as opposed to online hook-ups. Besides, you're largely ignored when you mack on each other in Rose's room, given how fucking huge her house is, and how little Bro's apartment is.

She picks you up at the airport, and she drives you to her house. You talk a lot of shit with each other, but at some point, as always, she starts driving with one hand, and you take the unused one in your own.

Rose: Arrive at your house.

Rose: Arrive at your house. (FILL: TEAM DIRK<>ROXY)

[pyrokineticvampire]

The lengthy drive from the airport finally comes to an end as you park your car in the driveway and cut the engine. You let go of each other's hand and make your way inside where, for now, everything is quiet.

"Your mom home?" Dave asks as he shuts the door behind you and sets his bag down.

"She was when I left," you answer.

His head doesn't move but you can imagine his eyes scoping the front hall, the stairs, and the hallways to other portions of the house from behind his sunglasses. He puts on an over-dramatic serious voice. "Then where could she be now, I wonder. It's quiet... too quiet."

You hook your scarf around Dave's neck and pull him in for a kiss, then move back when he responds. "The best way to keep a lady's attention is not to keep speaking of her mother," you admonish with a crooked grin. It's more than likely that your dear mother has fallen into a drunken stupor by now and you aren't worried about her. "Shall we go upstairs?"

Dave gets the hint and you head upstairs together.

Mom: Spy on your darling daughter.

New Psiioniic<3Sufferer Game [FILL: Team Dirk<3Equius]

[rje]

It is the midnight hour on Alternia and your name is -- well.

Nothing.

You have no name -- which is rather fitting, you're inclined to think sometimes, bitterly. But you do have a title, despite having no status or caste: Signless. You're not fond of it, but it's all you have. You will gain, eventually, a new title but that is far from now. Although if you knew of it, you would probably laugh at the irony of being named such when it's those you drag with you on this mad quest that truly suffer. Hunted, hated, and all for what? Pretty words, your foolish idealism...sometimes you wonder what they left behind to join you. What they lost when you asked them to believe.

The long, slender prone form lying next to you on the rocky hillside stirs, asleep but mumbling, no doubt plagued by bad dreams. You place a gentle hand on his back and he stills slightly. Something pulls in your chest. What has he given up for you...?

It's been three weeks since your group was scattered, chased from your safehouse by the highbloods and vowing to meet again at the nearest village across the mountains. That village now lies tantalizingly close, but you are wary; there seems to be some kind of celebration occurring there, a lowblood Carnival, crowds of trolls cavorting and dancing and crowds make you nervous. But it's been too long since you've both had a hot meal or slept on anything but stone. You squeeze your companion's arm briefly and rise to tend the fire, lost in anxious internal debate.

> Psiioniic: Wake from your dreams

>Psiioniic: Wake from your dreams (FILL: TEAM Eridan<3Sollux)])

[musekicker]

You are now the Psiioniic. And thankfully you’re now awake. Not that reality is that much better than your dark dreams but it is marginally better than those haunting nightmares. As has become custom with these... uncertain times, you wake rather quickly.

Nothing seems to be wrong thankfully. Seems more like your companion has something to talk about. Well, you’ll certainly oblige him in talk. Now you’re sitting up as he still tends to the fire. More tending then the fire actually needs. You rub at your eyes just a moment before speaking.

“Is something wrong?” you ask.

Stupid question really. There is always so much wrong going on. But it’s customary to at least ask.

===> Sufferer: tell him what’s on your thinkpan.

New Mindfang<3<Redglare Game (FILL: TEAM PARCELPYXIS)

[runespoor]

You are a lowly DECK HAND on the vessel of the MIGHTY MINDFANG.

You’re not exactly sure what you’re supposed to do, as you only came on board at the last port, and the only reason you did is because Mindfang was in KIND OF A HURRY. She’d just been warned that THE LAW was hot on her pursuit.

Having gallantly decided that SKEDADDLING WAS THE BETTER PART OF HONOR, she grabbed the nearest pair of hands to join her crew – you – and ran as if she could already feel the flames of a dragon’s breath.

Little did she know she was actually playing right into your hands.

You are in fact NEOPHYTE REGLARE, aka the very ARM OF THE LAW that she wanted to escape, and you are now DEEP INTO ENEMY TERRITORY in a DARING PLAN to CAPTURE HER.

All you need to do is not get caught.

You should probably figure what shit a lowly deck hand is supposed to do.

>Redglare: Figure out shit

>Redglare: Figure out shit (FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA)

[macca44552]

As it happens, being a lowly deckhand is pretty terrible. You’re occupied mostly with washing the deck, but you’ve occasionally been ordered to enact some repairs here and there. And by 'enact', you mean fuck up to the point where you’re no longer allowed near a hammer and nails.

You stare at Mindfang from behind a flag post. She’s keeping watch, smiling, handing out orders in that intense, long-winded convoluted way that makes you roll your eyes because honestly, you wish she would just get to the point sometimes. Enough of the foreplay.

And by 'foreplay' you mean your mission, of course. Of course. Because you’re pretty sure she knows it’s you—she must. She’s been in your clutches too many times to not recognize when you’re right in front of her face. You think this is all a part of the game that you play—back, left, right—like a dance. And this time, for whatever reason, she’s letting you lead.

So you take it. You leave your flag post and stand next to her, as if you’re meant to be there.

She doesn’t even glance your way, “Have you finished with your duties, Terezi?”

Terezi. Your cover name. It’s a good name, you think.

“Almost, I was just—”

“If you haven’t finished completing your tasks then you have no business talking to me.”

Her tone is cold. There’s nothing personal about it. Maybe she doesn’t know it’s you?

But then she smirks. It’s subtle and she could be reacting to something else entirely, but it makes you wonder.

>Mindfang: Do you or don’t you know?

New Nepeta<3Terezi Game (FILL: TEAM Dave♠Karkat♥Terezi♥Dave )

[aigroe]

You are Terezi Pyrope and you are currently involved in a LARP with your friend, Nepeta. The two of you are dressed to the nines; you in a spectacular red and teal number Kanaya helped you make (or, if you’re honest, you helped Kanaya make) and Nepeta in a coat that dwarfs her.

You wander through the long grass, keeping an eye out for any witches, warlocks or other unsavoury apparitions. Aradia leads the two of you, clearly excited about seeing all the work she’s put into this pay off. The midday sun is boiling you, but hardened aventurers like yourselves can put up with any amount of pain in pursuit of what is really important.

Treasure.

Nepeta turns to grin at you.

AC: :33 < i have a sense that the chest we s33k is furry close ind33d!
GC: 1ND33D MY OLD FR13ND. P3RH4PS MY S3CR3T W1LL F1N4LLY B3-

You cut yourself off suddenly, slapping a hand over your mouth.

AC: :33 < your secret? is it to do with the mysterious dread purrate mindfang??
GC: OH NO 1 H4V3 S41D TOO MUCH 4LR34DY.
AC: :33 < you know you can trust me redglare!
GC: YOU H4V3 PROV3D TH4T TO M3 M4NY A T1M3 MY D34R FURR3ND- FR13ND- OH GOD D4MN 1T.
AA: whats that i hear is it the s0und 0f pe0ple being 00c
GC: SORRY MS GHOST GU1D3 1 DON’T KNOW WH4T OOC M34NS SO I C4N’T 4NSW3R TH4T
AC: :33 < yeah you ghosts know some furry strange words!!

Aradia seems about to grump all over you, but then Nepeta jumps and grabs your arm.

AC: :33 < redglare!
AC: :33 < up ahead! a vampurr!!

Sure enough, only a few metres away stands Kana- a fearsome vampire. She stands in the shade of the trees and wears a large sunhat along with a dress. As enemies go she is not hugely threatening.

AA: i have seen her kind bef0re
AA: she is str0ng
AA: y0u must be valiant and fight wisely!!!

Terezi: Be valiant and fight wisely.

> Terezi: Be valiant and fight wisely. (FILL: TEAM JOHN<3ROSE)

[para_normally]

You are NOT Terezi, you are NEOPHYTE REDGLARE, feared and renowned LEGISLACERATOR extraordinaire! Keeping in mind a certain ghost guide's admonitions as far as being in character are concerned.

You bare a vicious grin and pull your staff apart, revealing a long, wickedly sharp blade. The FEARSOME VAMPIRE blinks at it and seems discomfited, her hand tightening slightly around the tube of lipstick hanging loosely from her fingertips. She is obviously unaccustomed to LARPing, and how you always use real weapons in your games because it just isn't as much fun otherwise, and you admittedly kind of dragged her into the whole thing encountering such a formidable foe as yourself.

You take her hesitance as your opportunity to set off at a run, raising your blade and aiming it at her bloodpusher. You look into her face and see her eyes widen, and you kind of hope she's actually going to put up a fight and PLAY this game instead of just standing there being decoration--

CLANG.

Your blade bounces off of a running chainsaw and is ripped from your hands, flying several feet into some bushes. You turn back from it to face a snarling GENUINELY FEARSOME VAMPIRE, who appears to have suddenly decided that she, too, will be using a real weapon after all.

She takes several slow, deliberate steps toward you, the low whine of the chainsaw ringing in your ears. Your back presses against a tree and you're trapped, leaning away from the whirling blades with your mind racing.

WH4T NOW?

> Nepeta: Help your teammate! Hurry!

New Karkat<3Gamzee Game (FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<3KARKAT)

[crispychocolate]

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're currently waiting to be purchased by highblood.

You're around 9 sweeps old and thus your eyecolour had managed to develop fully. Ever since society found out about the weird mutation of your bloodcolour you're in the possession of a slave trader. You can count yourself lucky to not have been culled immediatly. Apperently the slave trader thinks he can get rich through you but up until now you've managed to avoid being bought.

You hate being controlled and treated like you're worth nothing and your self loathing from your childhood has turned into hate towards other people which you should probably be glad for or else you would've hurt yourself already.

But going back to the topic of being bought. You think you can't avoid it this time. But you still flash the indigo blood a hateful stare.

==> Gamzee: Purchase mutant slave

>Gamzee: Purchase Mutant Slave (FILL: TEAM Eridan<3Sollux)

[musekicker]

You are Gamzee Makara and you have to admit, you’re fascinated with the troll before you. Yes, you have heard the stories about the mutant blood. But you never actually thought you would see him for yourself much less be the one to buy him.

It was mere curiosity that truly brought you here. You are a very curious 9sweep old after all. So yes, you came mainly to look and not buy. But coming here to see him has only brought up more questions to increase your curiosity.

How did this blood color come about? Did it give him any special abilities? And how was he able to look him in the eye and glare at you like that when he’s the lowest blood there is. You are use to others either not meeting your eyes or putting on airs around you.

This... this interesting. And refreshing.

You flash the mutant blood a grin before looking to the seller.

“I’ll buy him.”

===> Karkat: Be bought.

New Dave<3Karkat Game (FILL: TEAM KARKAT<3KARKAT)

[janeybriggs]

You are KARKAT VANTAS, adorabloodthirsty film student, fashionista and social justice blogger. Right now you are standing inside THE LOCAL TATTOO PLACE, where you are accompanying your boyfriend Dave. To commemorate your six month aniversary, he is going to get what he assures you is a TOTALLY SWEET TATTOO.

At least, that is what he said earlier this morning. Right now, the asshole looks like he's having second thoughts. He is such a wimp.

> Karkat: Remind Dave that this was his idea in the first place

> Karkat: Remind Dave that this was his idea in the first place. (FILL: Team Karkat<3Karkat)

[doubleohally]

You jump on that thought quickly, wow what a chicken.

Karkat: HEY LOSER, REMEMBER, THIS WAS YOUR IDEA.
Karkat: NO, I SAID. PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA, I SAID.
Karkat: DAVE, I DON'T THINK YOU'LL ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS.
Karkat: DAVE, ARE YOU SURE? I ASKED AS WE WALKED INTO THE BUILDING TEN SECONDS AGO.
Karkat: YES, YOU SAID, WOW I AM SO COOL, I AM SO COOL I CAN HANDLE THIS YOU SAID.

Dave: i didnt say it like that

> Dave: Tell her what you really said.

New Mindfang<3Summoner Game (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3ROSE)

[psonu]

Start Jailbreak Adventure


You wake up locked in a deserted jail cell, completely alone. There is nothing at all in your cell, useful or otherwise.

W8. Hold up.



>Mindfang: Attempt to pry open window.

> Mindfang: Attempt to pry open window. (FILL: Team Karkat<3Karkat)

[doubleohally]

There are no o8jects around with which to "pry open window."


> Graft pumpkin to yourself so that you have one hideous arm.

New [Andrew Hussie<3Lord English] Game (FILL: TEAM [Aradia<>Tavros])

[windytier]

Your name is ANDREW HUSSIE and you just killed FORTY CHARACTERS. Killed 40 characters. That's as many as FOUR TENS. And that's TERRIBLE.

Whats that faint sound in the air? It sounds like.. the anguished screams of people everywhere.

=> AH: Turn on your computer.

AH: Turn on your computer (FILL: TEAM DOLOROSA<3MINDFANG)

[anordinarything]

You turn on your computer, and are surprised to find that you have been pestered. This is somewhat disturbing, as you have never, to your knowledge, installed Pesterchum, nor any other pestering system. You briefly ponder whether to open the message, but it's an easy decision. You're the author of the comic! You're in control! Nothing bad could happen to...

LE: HELLO HUSSIE
LE: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME

=> Hussie: Respond to this asshole.

New [Calliope <3< uu] Game (FILL: TEAM TAVROS <3 VRISKA)

[ladymahfuza]

Note: Humanstuck and they're in two different bodies if anyone's confused! ;o


Your name is Calliope.

And it is wonderfully stormy outside. This kind of weather was always your favorite (you're not much a fan of the sun) because it's the perfect weather for nestling up inside and writing. You're about to reach for your Fanfiction Journal you stash under your bed until you hear an eerie hoooo. Something that could easily be taken as the wind outside sounds alarming similar to your brother's laugh. And you couldn't dare to take out your journal if he was lurking nearby.

==> Calliope: Check room for any unwanted guests.

==> Calliope: Check room for any unwanted guests. (FILL: TEAM ERIDAN<3FEFERI)

[hauteclare]

Being as light-footed as possible, you check the room for the undesirable presence of your roomate, who is currently absent from the premises. You squint your eyes at the dark corner of the room where his own bed and belongings reside, and to your relief, see nothing.
You're sure it was just the wind.

With your suspicions set aside, you make your way back to your bed, reaching for your ever-so-cherished FANFICTION JOURNAL. It's more like a scrapbook, filled with drabbles and drawings about your favourite characters from your most favourite story!
You quickly flip past the more embarrassing content of the journal, and find a fresh page. It just so happens that you have the greatest idea! Of course, it surrounds one of your most favourite ships, a certain duo of green and orange...



Just as you've jotted down some of the JUICIEST parts, you hear a sound! Oh, heaven forbid, not now!
However, luck is not on your side. From your bed you can see the door opening, and the shadow of the MYSTERIOUS FIGURE looms on the floor. It's not really mysterious though, and you're completely aware of who it is, and that's why your heart is pounding so loudly with worry of what is to come next.

==> Calliope: Be the other guy.

New [Eridan<3Aradia] Game (FILL: TEAM [Bro<3Grandpa])

[apollosglare]

Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO, and you are a water monster.

Or at least, that's what other people consider you to be, you just think of yourself as a being. Since that's what you are. You're not too sure how you came to be, some sort of froggy mess, really. But you are 0kay with it, and 0kay with your life too. Though, you do wish people would stop treating you so harshly.

They think you don't have emotions or feelings, but really you do.

A lot of people seek you out to poke fun or to capture you, which explains what you're doing right now. You're hiding.

You heard someone nearby your pond earlier, and now you're hoping that they go away. You doubt this will be, though.

> Eridan: Explain yourself!

>Eridan: Explain yourself! (FILL: Team Eridan<3Karkat)

[crispychocolate]

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA and you're currently in distress.

You had heard tales and storys of a magic creature living in the waters of this pond and since you've never believed in magic you wanted to prove everyone wrong by finding said creature and showing it off as non-magic.

What you didn't expect was to actually find something though. You had just ventured near the pond and you had spotted something under the surface, something big and something rather red. As soon as you had stomped nearer though it had vanished. Too shocked by your discovery you sat down and stared at the water.

Maybe you scared it off? that would be just too typical for you!
"Is someone there?" he called out to the water, feeling dumb for even trying.

>Creature: Ponder over answering or not.

New Kanaya<3Karkat Game (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3<KARKAT)

[makingtriangles]

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you've been noticing that Kanaya has been watching you.

You see her staring in the library, in the halls, even around the table with the other inhabitants of this lousy meteor. Always out of the corner of your eye, though; she's too quick to actually catch. But you know she is. And you know that what she's staring at is your throat.

This has been going on for weeks now, and you're alarmed to discover that what you want isn't for her to stop, it's for her to just...ask...already...

Or not, whispers that little voice in the darkest corner of your mind. Maybe you don't want her to ask. Maybe instead you want her to pin you down and take what she wants. Everything she wants.

That thought is far too exciting, and you shut it down.

But every time you catch her staring, now, the blood rushes to your face, and you know she can tell. She has to know.

Your breath catches.

Karkat: Contrive to be alone with a rainbow-drinker.

Karkat: Contrive to be alone with a rainbow-drinker. (FILL: TEAM KARKAT<3TEREZI)

[xelfi]

You're doing this then? To quote a guy you'd rather not devote much thought to at the moment, 'your making this hapen'?

Yes; it's ridiculous how much you want this to happen. But the real question is how you're going to make this happen because, realistically thinking, the two of you were more than capable of dancing around the subject until the meteor crashed into the new session and beyond if you didn't settle on some sort of plan and stick to it. It took you this long to figure out you maybe wanted to do something about this latest development, for fuck's sake.

Lucky for you, though, you have sweeps worth of various romcom scenarios flashing through your head, so you have no shortage of ideas. First of all, you had to figure out how to evade the rest of the meteor's inhabitants so the two of you could be alone to at least talk about this because the tension had to be addressed one way or the other before it drives you completely insane. You could always invite her to watch a few of the paranormal romances you have in your collection, or maybe ask her to help you take measurements for new clothes since you've actually started growing a bit taller recently? Yeah, those were both simple, normal things that you'd easily be able to write off as the usual variety of friendly social interaction if you fucked up and had to bail entirely.

Karkat: Stop stalling and put your plan into action.

New Jane<3Roxy Game (FILL: TEAM BRO<3DAVE)

[sugoiprincess]

It is the XXth day of XX month and you are absolutely ridiculously excited!!!

You are so ridiculously excited because it! Is! Your wonderful and newly titled girly girlfriend, Roxy's birthday! You've spent all day today making her adorable little Betty Crocker Funfetti cupcakes with sparkly and glittery pink frosting (also Betty Crocker) with the help of Lil Seb.



Gosh you just cannot!! Contain your excitement!! Really now, you need to calm down, but you can't!! Roxy is coming over any minute now and your cupcakes are just about finished!

==> Roxy Ringadingaling the doorbell

Roxy: Ringadingaling the doorbell. (FILL: TEAM JADE<3ARADIA)

[roxxxy]

You are now ROXY, the aforementioned BIRTHDAY GIRL. Today, the XX day of XX month, you turn the ever-fabulous age of EIGHTEEN and enter ADULTHOOD.

Really, you don't feel much different. You're not even of legal age to DRINK yet (like that has ever stopped you before). If you really wanted to, you could flop down in front of computer and google up some GREAT PORN legally, but ... again, like that has ever stopped you before.

However, you are pleased to be spending this day with your newly dubbed GIRLFRIEND, JANE. You have been friends for a long while now, and the relationship has taken its natural course into RED TERRITORY. It could not have been a better early birthday present. Whatever she chooses to do for you today, you know you'll enjoy it.

You press your thumb against the doorbell multiple times, causing the ring to start, then start over. You're eager!

==> Be Jane again.

New [ERIDAN<3SOLLUX] Game (FILL: TEAM [KARKAT<3TEREZI])

[lemugrub]

Eridan and Sollux are happily sleeping together.

Oh, before your mind goes into the gutter...

...they're grubs.

Erigrub: wake up hungry and whine

>Erigrub: wake up hungry and whine (FILL: TEAM John <3 Jake)

[llamayodel]

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you are very unhappy at the moment. You just woke up from your nap, and are currently whining, very loudly, for food.
Unfortunately, this seems to have awakened your sleeping friend.

==> Solgrub: Wake up extremely grumpy and moderately angry with Eridan

New [Roxy<3Jane] game (FILL: TEAM ARADIA <3 JADE)

[jadesprite]

Your name is roxy lalonde, and you are afraid.

To be specific, you are afraid for the safety of your very dear, but hazardously skeptical, friend: a young miss Jane Crocker. You suppose you are a little irritated with her, too, but you can't really call that her fault. She isn't to blame for your having been born centuries ahead of her. Nobody is.

(Sometimes you kind of wish somebody was, though, if only so you'd know quite whose direction to get royally pissed in -- in both meanings of the word.)

So it is not her fault that she cannot believe your mother is no longer with you, or that she does not heed your warnings of a dystopian future sitting just around the corner, the one that you find yourself in. It is not her fault! But all the same it hurts. you suppose you are not so much angry with her as upset; you are despairing. You feel as though you are sort of watching a figurative lamb dawdle into a figurative slaughterhouse and maybe you are the figurative Mary, in this.

You end up so lost in all your ruminating over farm-animal metaphors for loss that at first you do not even notice the little notif noise coming from your mobile -- the one that signifies Jane is messaging you. (You gave them all unique tones. Jane's is a bird tweeting, unassuming and cute, and you picked it because it made you think of her idyllic 21st century home, a white brick house with a white picket fence and an immaculate garden, birds singing every morning; the kind of a house that is a home, and the sort of a home you can only dream of. You will never tell her this.)

==> roxy: snap out of it and answer jane.

[Roxy: Snap out of it and answer Jane.] (FILL: TEAM [ARADIA <> SOLLUX])

[stellarbird]

> Roxy: Snap out of it and answer Jane.

-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 10:04 am --
GG: Lalonde?
GG: Hello?
GG: Don't tell me you're drunk this early in the morning?
GG: Sigh.
GG: I should have known better than to try and contact you; you're obviously deep in the throes of one of your alcoholic beverages.
TG: o m fucking G jane
TG: i was gone 4 like literally five minutes
GG: Well, then, I'm sorry for jumping the gun there!
GG: Really, though, was it that farfetched to assume that you had been drinking?
GG: You have displayed similar behavior on countless past occasions!
TG: oh so were playin that game then missy
GG: What game?
TG: the game where we both spew passive aggressive b u l l sHIT at each other
TG: eye ee the game i am reeeealy not in the fucking mood for
TG: fyi i wasnt drunk
TG: not deep in the throse of alcohol just deep in the throes of
TG: u kno what i dont really want 2 talk about it
GG: Really? That's not something I hear you say often.
TG: wow thanks jane
TG: u are really being the best bff 5everz today
GG: All right, I am sorry.
GG: In retrospect that comment was incredibly snippy and regrettably rude!
GG: I was actually being a little irrational.
GG: But for a benevolent reason!
GG: Frankly, I was concerned.
GG: I mean, what with your self-destructive tendencies and irresponsible drinking habits, I worry about you a lot!
GG: Are you still here?
GG: Hello?
GG: Crocker to Ro-lal, do you copy?
GG: Roxy?
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is now an idle chum! --
GG: Shoot.

> Jane: Survey damage.

New [Dave<3Dirk<3Jake] Game (FILL: TEAM John <3 Jake)

[llamayodel]

Your name is Dirk Strider, and holy shit does your head hurt. Trying not to wince, you slowly crawl out of bed, turning away from the bright window. You attempt to gain some sense of your situation.
You are in your bedroom. You are completely naked and have a hangover the size of Texas. It is 10:31 am.
You start to leave to get a glass of water, but glance back into your room from the doorway.
It seems your best friend and little brother are passed out in your bed (also both butt-naked).
Well fuck.

==> Dirk: Try to remember how this happened

==> Dirk: Try to remember how this happened (FILL: TEAM Dave<3<Karkat<3Terezi<3Dave)

[sadisticbutsweet]

==> Dirk: Try to remember how this happened

You try, but not very hard. The aforementioned headache is a horrible hindrance on any sort of mental functions at the moment. It would probably be the best idea to take care of that first and deal with thinking or any sort of freak-out later.

You get a glass of water from the sink and some ibuprophen from the medicine cabinet. After you've knocked back the pills you let your head run under the sink. The cool water helps wake you up but does nothing for that hangover or for your memory.

(Although really you're beginning to think that selective amnesia may be the best thing in this case. You're not sure you want to know what happened.)

(However the little voices in your head demand otherwise)

==> Dirk: Remember

New JOHN<3ROSE Game (FILL: TEAM DIRK<3ROXY)

[shinigamishi]

Your name is JOHN EGBERT.

Today is your sixteenth birthday, and a huge party is being thrown in your honor. It should be pretty cool, but the best thing about this, is that your two BEST FRIENDS are coming for an entire week!

You are a member of the royal house of PROSPIT, a kingdom well known for its powerful LIGHT MAGIC. You are not quite a prince, since you're an offshoot branch of the family, so everyone refers to you as THE HEIR instead. You don't really like that title, though. You're not their future ruler, you're their FRIEND!

But you're having a really hard time convincing people of that. Luckily, your friends understand that pretty well, being both ROYALTY and POWERFUL MAGIC USERS themselves. They're the children of the current PRINCE of DERSE, a kingdom that once in a BITTER WAR with Prospit, before your parents ended the war and restored peace to the land. That's not relevent right now, though.

What IS relevent is the fact that those previously mentioned BEST FRIENDS have just arrived. You are on your way to see them, and--



Oh wow. Rose sure looks great today. You sort of forgot what you were going to say.



> John: Remember what you were going to say.

John: Remember what you were going to say (FILL: TEAM JADE<3KARKAT)

[lattelatte]

You try and remember.




Oh that's right. You were going to give her the ROYAL GREETING. Or as the Dersites say, you are going to prank the gorybl'lith out of her. You are sure that is a thing they say.



John: Raise your Prankster's Gambit

New Sollux <3< Sollux Game (FILL: TEAM ARADIA<>TAVROS)

[heecawroo]

Your name is Sollux Captor and you are ready to die.



This is entirely unsurprising since you have been repeatedly assured you will rise up again. Although to be honest you might just do it whether that was true or not, the world doesn't need an asshole like you.

And there you go again, thinking things like that that you immediately regret. God you hate yourself sometimes.



twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: okay ii found it.
AA: that's good! will you need any help killing yourself or can you take it from here?
TA: okay can you quiit iit wiith the "kiilliing my2elf" thiing ii get that that'2 what'2 happeniing here but ii'd rather not hear iit.
AA: are you having second thoughts sollux?
TA: ii2 that a 2eriiou2 que2tiion?
AA: no i guess it isn't!
AA: is there anything i can do to make it easier for you?
TA: ii don't know maybe 2ome rea22urance that iit wiill actually work?
AA: it worked for me! how much more reassurance do you need?
TA: ii don't know.
TA: maybe iit'2 diifferent for me.
AA: why would it be different for you?
TA: well ii've got two dream 2elve2. maybe that'll cau2e 2ome problem2 or 2omethiing?
TA: whatever. ii'll do iit anyway. ii gue22 ii'm okay wiith that iidea two. ii mean iit'2 not liike anyone want2 me around.
AA: don't say that! we all want you around.
AA: please don't tell me you're starting up that self-loathing nonsense again!
TA: what, no fuckiing way. who do you thiink ii am, kk?
TA: ehehehe 2peakiing of kk, ii gue22 he'2 goiing two be left behiind agaiin. can you 2ee hiim goiing through wiith 2omethiing liike thii2?
AA: actually i've been informed that karkat is in his quest cocoon right now.
TA: FUCK. okay now ii have two do thii2 don't ii.
AA: yes you do! i'll see you when you rise up then.
TA: ii gue22.

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

Well you had better get this over with.

==> Sollux: Get it over with

==> Sollux: Get it over with (Fill: Team Dave<3Karkat)

[lacertae_dreamscape]

That's easier said than done.

Killing yourself isn't something that's easy to do. The idea of impaling yourself on something is less than pleasant -what if you miss and agonise for countless minutes before dying? That would make a possible useless process more painful than it should.

As you are not sure if this will succeed or not, at least you wish to make it as painless as physically possible.

Drowning is out of the question, and eating too much mind honey also is -not just because you have none with you, but because you might lose control of your powers and then maybe even get out of the Quest Cocoon.

No. The only way is to use your Psiionics to stop your heart.

Neat, quick and bloodless.

Yeah. You just need to do that.

==> Sollux: Initiate Suicide.

Which is quite a bad way to put it, but also the truth. You cringe, focus, and...



==> Sollux: ASCEND

New Dirk <3 or <3< Jake Game (FILL: TEAM MEENAH<3<ROXY)

[jack_of_none]

Your name is DIRK, but you are more commonly known as DOCTOR STRIDER, the NEFARIOUS PUPPET MASTER, the UNQUESTIONED LORD OF DOOM ISLAND and MENACE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD. You are currently standing on top of your TOWER OF ELECTROMAGNETIC COMMAND, surveying your ARMY OF ROBOT SLAVES.

Today, you have finally captured that perennial thorn in your side, the intrepid JAKE ENGLISH, GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER. You are certain that it will be days -- weeks, even -- before his childhood friend, PLUCKY HEIRESS JANE CROCKER, will be able to locate him and mount a rescue, and your erstwhile partner-in-crime THE FIENDISH MADAME LALONDE has promised not to interfere. You don't have quite all the time in the world, but it'll be enough.



You have imprisoned him in your DIABOLICAL LABORATORY and are currently contemplating your WICKED INTENTIONS. You have waited a long time for this moment.

==> JAKE: Be in dire peril!

JAKE: Be in dire peril! (FILL: TEAM BRO<3GRANDPA)

[macca44552]

Your name is Jake English and you most certainly are in dire peril. Doctor Strider’s got you locked up in room littered with ROBOT PARTS, dismantled COMPUTERS, barely-touched MANUALS, and empty bottles of various brands of ORANGE SODA. He calls this his diabolical laboratory, but you’re pretty sure it’s just his garage.

No matter, you’ve been in trickier situations before! Time and time again Strider’s tried to capture you but you’ve always made your escape. Your lovely friends Jane and Roxy are under the impression that Strider’s a bit obsessed with you, but you like to believe it’s just because you pose a good challenge. And, blast it, the villain surely got you this time!

What’s that over there? You see a piece of paper sticking out of one of the manuals. Close enough to reach. You capture it with your foot and drag it towards you.

>Jake: Read note

New DAVE♥SOLLUX Game (Fill: Team DAVE♥JAKE)

[raishiteru]

I couldn't find a Dave♥Sollux game, so I made my own. Hope y'all can have fun with me! ☆(ゝω・`)┏┏
--

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR.

You are apeshit bananas at computers and you know ALL THE CODES. Yes, all of them. You are the unchallenged god of all things technology and even your friends admit to that. There is NOTHING technology-wise that you can't fix.

Except...

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
TA: oh my gog, dave.
TA: ii ju2t 2tarted lookiing at your computer and thii2 thiing ii2 liiterally beyond repaiir.
TA: what diid you even do?!

You seriously have NO IDEA how he could have done this. The computer is overrun with a hundred (dare you say, TWO HUNDRED) different viruses and it keeps going to the BLUE-SCREEN OF DOOM every time you try to access the mainframe.

He dropped it off at your hive yesterday and you quickly constructed a makeshift human laptop for him to take home. Not your best work, but he'd have to DEAL WITH IT.

But that isn't the problem right now.

Problem right now is his shitty computer and that he isn't responding.

TA: hey, iim trolliing you here, you iin2ufferable priick.

> Dave: Respond to the master hacker.

Dave: Respond to the master hacker. (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3<KARKAT)

[makingtriangles]

TG: whats with all the hostility
TG: someones feelings are gonna get hurt
TA: how can one 2hiitty human even do thii2 two a computer??
TA: thii2 is unbeliievable.
TA: liike, liiterally unbeliievable.
TA: the amount of force requiired two make me beliieve that thii2 ii2 actually happeniing would completely cru2h my 2kull.
TA: 2o plea2e tell me thii2 ii2 2ome kiind of joke.
TG: what no
TG: i thought you were like this genius computer wizard
TG: and all you have to do is like wave a wand made out of microchips or some shit
TG: and a computer is like
TG: hey dude sorry for the trouble ill just
TG: start working again its cool
TA: oh my god 2hut the fuck up.
TA: what do you even do on the iinternet??
TA: doe2 iit only ever iinvolve lookiing up iilegal porn and downloadiing attachment2 iin emaiil2 from viiru2.viiru2e2@viiru2ciity.com??
TA: jegu2 fuckiing diick.
TA: look, maybe ii can 2alvage what2 on your hard driive, but iit'll be 2o much ea2iier iif you come back over here whiile ii do that.
TA: fuckiing 2hiit, man.

> Dave: Go back over to Sollux's.

New Gen Game (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3KARKAT)

[grayscaleodyssey]

uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
uu: SPECIFICALLY THIS GAME.
uu: THE RuLES ARE SIMPLE. I CREATE THE HuMAN CHARACTERS. WHICH WILL OCCuPY THE SPACE CREATED FOR THEM.
uu: THEY GO ABOUT THEIR LIVES.
uu: BuT I PuLL ALL THE STRINGS.
uu: GOT THAT "SIS"?
uu: DON'T SCREW uP ANY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.
uu: ALSO DON'T CHANGE THEM INTO ANYTHING HIDEOuS.
uu: AND WHEN I SAY "HIDEOuS". I MEAN IT TO YOuR LEVEL OF HIDEOuSNESS.
uu: AND THE PREMIuM BITCHES STAY TOGETHER. ALWAYS.

> uu: Start game.

Re: New Gen Game (FILL: TEAM DAVE<3KARKAT)

[sempiternalserpent]

You start your game the way any man of any sense would: by making premium bitches.


Excellent.

uu: Make some males for the bitches.

New Dirk <3 Rose Game (FILL: TEAM SOLLUX <> ARADIA)

[stellarbird]

(content warning for alcohol use, incest)

Your name is DAVE STRIDER.

You pause for a minute. For some reason, you feel the strange urge to go and longingly lust after your good ol derpy "not a homosexual!" bro John. The urge lingers momentarily, then flickers away like a mosquito in a flame. Which is good, because you fucking hate mosquitos. You lived in Houston.

Besides, forget about John, there is a primo dame across the couch from you WONKing in a hellaciously sexy and also totally off-limits manner. She's covered in a weirdly attractive mix of popcorn, pretzels, and pina coladas, the only edible survivors of the Strider-Lalonde Multi-Generational Movie Fest, as Rose and Dirk called it, or, more accurately: How Much Alcohol Does It Take To Sit Through Five SBAHJ Moives?

(The answer was 11 martinis, 2 pina coladas, a bottle and a half of champagne, and another bottle of red wine, along with 4 tubs of popcorn and 6 drunkenly alchemized snack packs that all ended up tasting vaguely like chicken.)

Rose and Dirk got this shindig together to promote quality "family bonding time," but from the way Rox is wiggling her eyebrows furiously at you from across the sofa and nudging your footie-pajama-covered heel with hers, you're pretty sure she's got a different sort of bonding on her mind, and holy shit she's leaning toward you and Rose, Dirk, one of you, help me out here, and - and where the fuck are Rose and Dirk? And was that door always closed?

You listen. The hills are alive with the sound of dubiously sober ecto-biological incest.

Shit.

> Dave: Block ears in order to prevent mental and emotional scarring.

> Dave: Block ears in order to prevent mental and emotional scarring. (FILL: TEAM KANAYA<3VRISKA)

[memyselfandi]

You clap your hands over your ears and stick and put your head down. There is no fucking way this is happening.

Why the fuck didn't anyone think to give this mansion thicker walls?

Someone pokes the top of your head. Again. And again.

"Roxy, I am trying to have a mental breakdown here. A little fucking respect would be nice, seeing as what I am currently hearing is the sound of my childhood weeping for mercy, and there is no indication that there's any help coming."

"Aw, c'mon Dave," Roxy says. "Don't be such a party pooper!"

"Since the party you're talking about is apparently the incestuous one that I'm pretty sure I never signed up for, I will poop on it all I goddamn want to. Leave me alone."

She stick her tongue out at you. And then licks her lips, in a move that would probably have been seductive several martinis ago. Now it's just a bit slobbery.

"Listen," you say. "Just because I called you hot that one time does not mean the ecto-incest is suddenly the thing to be doing. Ugh, fucking Rose and her psycho babble mumbo-jumbo."

"Tell me about it," Roxy says sympathetically.

> Dave and Roxy: Commiserate.